The Thursday Night Challenge

Thursday, 3:30pm Pacific Time

Pulling into the Avis rental car return lot at LAX, I was really looking forward to getting home. Since Tuesday, I had been in seven meetings, and only one of them was less than two hours. The meetings weren't really the issue; it was driving back and forth across Los Angeles, especially on the freeways, that really wore me out.

I had meetings with my editors, and a couple with screenwriters. The final meeting that I had just left was with one of the TV cable networks regarding a possible deal for an animated version of one of my comic books. That's what I do...write and draw my own comics. The TV and movie people are crazy about comics now, so we'll see what happens.

I got my credit card receipt and hopped on the bus to take me to the terminal. The bus was packed, so I stood holding my messenger bag and my weekender bag, and of course my phone, buzzed in my pocket. I could tell it was a text message, from the short quick buzz and got a little excited. Was it from the network? Good news, maybe?

Of course with the bus being stuffed with passengers, I couldn't answer it, so it continued to periodically buzz. Fortunately, my airline was one of the first terminals at LAX, so I was finally freed from bus jail. I walked inside and walked up to one of the boarding pass machines and swiped my frequent flier card. My pass for seat 3E popped out, I was almost home free.

"Almost" being the important modifier here, because now I was in a line to take my boots off, and watch, and belt, and phone, and iPad, and etc. Since I wasn't going anywhere, I reached into my jeans pocket and pulled out my phone. It wasn't my agent, it was my wife. I looked and saw it was 3:20pm, LA time so it was 5:20 back home. I tapped the screen...

Elle: I met a boy.     5:00

I smiled; my incredibly sexy wife was trying to get me worked up just before I was locked up inside a metal can for 4 hours.

Hal: Where?

I decided I would play along; this was bound to be more entertaining than playing solitaire on the iPad. Elle and I have a terrific relationship. After 10 years of marriage we're still in love and lust. Elle's 35 years old, five foot three inches tall. She's a redhead, a product of her half Scottish, half Irish blood. She is built like one of those women superheroes you see in comic books; in fact she's modeled for my art for several years, now.

She has a perfect mix of all the right curves and all the sexy muscles anybody would lust after. I'm a breast man, and she surprised me last year, as I came home from another trip, by displaying her new 39D breasts to me. I was blown away. A couple of weeks later she had a platinum ring piercing her right nipple.

Over the next few months, we were like newlyweds again, having sex every day, and not always at home. One Saturday night, I went to meet her at a bar and saw her surrounded by a bunch of guys, each one of them trying to impress her, more than the next one. I enjoyed watching her as much as she enjoyed being watched. So the next week, I took her to Egypt, my favorite club. Egypt has three different types of music on three different floors, and while I listened to some live jazz on the main floor. I sent her off to the third floor, "top 40" to see who might flirt with her in one of the other rooms. It didn't take long.

By the time I found her, she had two guys wrapped around her finger. I was across the crowded room drinking with the new waitress, Camilla, who was as much a voyeur as I was. We played "our game" several more times that summer, ultimately having a week long adventure in Las Vegas. We opened our marriage for a week and both enjoyed other people, culminating in a giant swingers' party that we were invited to and participated in.

Shortly after we returned home we met an amazing young woman named Donna. Donna became our girlfriend for a couple of months. She has since moved to New York City, and is dating her ex-fiancée again, but the three of us are still very close, she and I text each other with gossip and Elle talks to her on the phone at least once a week. New text:

Elle: Starbucks. he was behind me in line. we talked. had coffee there.     5:30

Hal: And?

After Donna, we sat down with each other and decided to slow down, focus on our relationship. She did play "our game" for me on my birthday, and it got both us really fired up, watching her kiss a guy and then wink at me...well, you're either a voyeur or you're not.

Elle: We exchanged cards. he called. wants to go to dinner.     5:43

Hal: Go. I challenge you!

I was enjoying the teasing.

Hal: I land at 10:00; you have until 11:00 to get home.

I put all of my trinkets into one of the trays, and my cowboy boots in another. I made it through without tripping any alarms, and of course I had the last gate. By the time I got there, my flight was beginning to board. The plane was packed, of course, but since I was in first class, I wasn't really worried. When I did finally get in all of the overhead space was gone, and since I was in the first row, I couldn't slide my weekender under the seat in front of me.

A flight attendant came by and asked if she could be of help, I explained the situation and she smiled and took my bag and nestled it back in an empty space for food carts. She was even nice enough to pack some napkins around it so the leather would be protected. Akiko then brought me a glass of single malt. Akiko was a very beautiful Asian woman (I later found out half Japanese, half Spanish) with gorgeous hair and a slim sexy body. Her crowning achievements were her large dark brown eyes and dazzling smile. Oh and how sweet she was.

"BZZZZZ"

Elle: Are you sure?     6:00

Hal: Sure, but please take my dog out!

Elle: Yes dear          6:03

Hal: What's his name?

Elle: Rolando. latin. tall. gorgeous. great dresser.          6:07

Hal: So I take it, this is a real person?               

Elle: Oh yeah.                                   6:09

Hal: Right! Send me updates!

Elle: Gotta go. return his call. walk your DOG.          6:11

I sat there as I put my phone in my pocket; I wondered how long this pretend rendezvous would last. Before I could ponder that kinky thought any deeper, I received a pat on my shoulder. I looked up and it was an old college buddy Jake "Dudley Do Right" Jackson. "Jake! How are you man?"

"Hal, I knew that was you! How the hell are you?" just then a voice came over the intercom asking people to keep moving. I looked up and a new flight attendant was on the mike not four feet away from us, staring at the two. I told Jake I would come back with some beers so we could chat. He gave me the thumbs up, and the line started moving again.

Finally, almost all of the passengers were on...and I was reading a magazine on my tablet when I heard the attendant say loudly, "Whose bag is this?" The next thing I saw was my weekender bag go flying out onto the jet bridge. I unsnapped by seat belt and walked up to the flight attendant and said:

"I'm sorry, that's my bag. The other flight attendant was nice enough to take it for me because all of the bins are..."

"No bags can go there! She was out of line to do that for you!" She snapped at me.

"Alright, again I apologize. I'll walk to the back and see if I can find a place for it." I said in my most apologetic and courteous manner, while still being a big, giant, black guy.

At that moment Akiko came flying up the aisle accompanied by a male attendant. She must have seen something and not been too far away. "Kelly that was my fault, Mr. Loring had no place to put his bag!"

"Oooh, the black, Coach Weekender, nice!" the male attendant added. "I'll find a place in the back for it and bring it to you sir."

"Thank you... Akiko, sorry to get you in trouble..." I said to this beautiful woman who had her head bowed.

"I apologize to you, Mr. Loring!"

Kelly rolled her eyes at both of us, I didn't care. I sat back down. The Captain announced that we were pulling away from the gate, so I pulled my phone out to check for any messages.

Elle: Meeting at S&W in hour. yum.                    6:30

Elle: Your dog walked and fed.                    6:31

Elle: Wearing blue rubber dress. bye.               6:32

Wow, the navy blue rubber dress wasn't really rubber, it was a synthetic material that looked like rubber, but it was thinner and breathed. It was tight, and short, and the back began somewhere south of the equator. She certainly got my imagination going now, I only saw her in the dress, once, at the store where we bought it. If she was really going I'd bet she would wear the navy blue Christian Laboutin 5 inch pumps. Wow she was play cheating on me with my favorite outfit...and there's no way to wear underwear, in that dress, and she was going to Smith & Wollensky's with him for steaks, my favorite steak house... I was getting "double cuckolded"!

Hal: Keep me informed, bad girl.

"Please turn off all electronic devices at this time!" came the voice over the intercom, my "good friend" Kelly was sitting in the jump seat staring directly at me. I smiled at her, shook my head and switched it off, sliding it into my jeans and continued looking back at her. She was blond and very attractive; it looked like there might be some impressive breasts under the smock, but I didn't expect she'd ever offer to show me. I thought she was probably mid-thirties, no ring, hair a few inches below her shoulders, looked fit.

It was now 5:30, California time, and we finally lifted off. As soon as we reached altitude Kelly began drink service, of course she served everyone else in first, including the guy sitting next to me sleeping in the window. She actually reached over me, pulled his tray and sat water down. I was both mad and kind of turned on that she gave me a look with a little smirk, like, well what are you going to do about it?

Eventually, she stopped by and I got another scotch, As she started preparing for dinner, I walked to the galley, and before she could tell me to sit down, I said "Look, we got off on the wrong foot, I'm not hungry, but if you give me a couple of beers I'll go hang out with my buddy in the back."

She looked at me as though I were something on the bottom of her shoe, "Yes, Mr. Loring, please take your seat." I sighed and went and sat back down. I flicked on my phone and checked to see if I could get reception; it was now legal on this airline to check email, but no phone calls....

And no text, I guess dinner was going well. I thought I'd get into the spirit of the sexting and ramp it up a notch...

Hal: I hope you brought a couple of my condoms.

"Mr. Loring, turn that off, and go in the back." Kelly was standing over me, glaring at me at me with my phone on. She handed me a large plastic bag, turned around and returned to the Galley. I sighed, turned off my phone and took the bag into the back of the plane.

Jake was very far in the back, but he was in the aisle seat and the middle was open."Move over 'Dudley'," he looked up, laughed and moved over. I opened the bag and there were six cold beers inside. We talked and gossiped about friends, family and life until the beers were gone, and then we both walked back to the bathroom. Akiko took my bag from and filled it with more beer.

When, Jake came out, I went in and he took my place flirting with Akiko. In the bathroom, I flicked on my phone; my watch said it was 7:40, which meant it was 9:40 back home. Ah, a message.

Elle: You sure about what you texted? he's really hot.          9:15

Elle: Dinner at S&W great. at egypt w/rolando. Need to dance off steak.          9:30

Elle: Since I was supposed to bring condoms I guess I can kiss him           9:31

I could see by the times of the texts, I was too far behind.

Elle: Good kisser. Good ride to egypt. he's paying for cab. gotta go.          9:53          

I loved the fact she had incorporated my favorite waitress and our favorite place to flirt into this texting game. I came out of the bathroom and Jake and I stayed in the back, talking with Akiko and the male flight attendant, Les. After about another 45 minutes of laughing and talking and beer, a little old lady came walking down the aisle toward the bathroom.

I noticed that she was walking with some difficulty; and as I was about to move into a row to let her by, she fell forward, I caught her and as I eased her to the ground her upper body in my lap, she started vomiting...mostly on me.

Akiko was handing me paper towels but this poor woman didn't hold back a drop. Les called the front and Kelly came running back, by the time she got there The woman had stopped throwing up and seemed to be passed out, but breathing ok. Kelly looked down at me and said, "Of course you'd be in the middle of this!"

I smiled up at her and said, "Did you miss me?"

She smiled back, "Is she okay?"

"I think so, she probably has the flu, her head is warm, but she's breathing regularly, pulse is a little fast, but steady."

"Good...please tell me you're a doctor."

"No, but I've had first responder training, you should ask for a doc."

"On it!" She gracefully swung a long shapely leg over me (yes, in the middle of all that I checked out her legs) and the lady, and then the other and was behind us heading for the rear mike. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a passenger who has fainted, is there a doctor on board?"

A bell went off, near the front. On my knees, holding the little lady, I couldn't see much, but after a couple of minutes, the doc arrived and we were able to bring her around, get her into a seat where the doc took over, I retrieved my bag from Les and went into the bathroom.

After washing up and changing shirts and jeans, I stuffed my soiled clothes into a plastic bag that Akiko provided and rejoined the world.

The doctor agreed with my guess that the poor woman probably had some kind of flu, mixed with the crowded conditions and slight turbulence; well it was too much for her.

There was about 40 minutes left in the flight, so I exchanged numbers with Jake and headed up to the front. I closed my eyes when I sat down, and opened them when I smelled fresh perfume, hovering over me. We were in a descent and Kelly had freshened up, and taken off the smock. Her hair was pinned up now but she looked great, and I had been right about the impressiveness of her breasts. She had placed a double scotch in front of me. She looked down at me smiling.

As she went to the jump seat, I noticed that my bag was underneath her seat. I sipped my scotch and nodded, she nodded back. As we came into our final descent, Kelly collected all glasses except mine. She returned and poured another scotch, into my glass, then sat down and strapped into the jump seat.

We landed, and of course rolled in to the "penalty box" at O'Hare, the place where you wait for your gate to open up. I pulled out my phone, as did almost everyone, including the guy sitting next to me that had slept through the entire flight. I of course wanted to know how the fantasy date turned out. I had a bunch of texts....

Camilla: when are you getting in? elle is here with a man.                    10:21     

Camilla: here's pic for you, now they went down to catacombs "pic"          10:22

As I opened the picture I recognized the upstairs room at Egypt, and over in the corner was Elle, with her arms around some tall well dressed man. She was definitely there, definitely in the blue dress and definitely kissing him.

Elle: Vette is parked at his hotel, asked me for one more nightcap,           10:40

Camilla: Did not see them, think they left. you coming by tomm?               10:42

Elle: having nightcap, in his suite, ordered me a cheese plate.               11:01

That last text was sent 20 minutes ago. I texted back:

Hal: Just landed, waiting for gate. Are you still out?

At this moment the jet began to move, about 15 minutes later, we pulled into the gate. No response from Elle. It looks like she was being a very bad girl, for real.

Kelly was standing out on the jet bridge and handed me my bag. "Thank you, Mr. Loring, we appreciate your help and have a nice evening." She whispered.

"I was wondering if you could you could use a cocktail, about now? I replied. She didn't say anything, but she smiled.

Jake and I chatted, as I stood outside of the gate, we promised to keep in touch. Almost a half hour later: Kelly, Akiko and Les came off the flight with the pilots. Akiko waved as she, Les and the pilots walked away from the gate.

Kelly stood in front of me. "I was going to take you up on your offer for a drink, but I keep looking at that wedding ring, and I just don't plan on waking up in some married guy's hotel room, again."

"That's fair," I smiled back, "I was going to take you for that drink, but then you went and put your hair up."

"Just when I was beginning to believe you might not be a jerk," she said... then she shrugged, put her carryall down and released her roll cart. She reached up and pulled two or three pins out of her hair, gave her head a shake, her hair fell down softly over her shoulders. Her green eyes stared back at my brown ones.

"Don't move, this will only take a second." I pulled out my phone and texted:

Hal: I met a girl.

To be continued....