- Non-Erotic Poetry
- New Year's Evening
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Click heretonight the world was a charcoal picture
and I was wrapped happily in the almost tangible black
when my eyes were attracted to spots of green glow;
bioluminescent mushrooms clinging to a log
but after only a moment’s still observation
a mob of party-goers stole my darkness.
- COMMENTS
PoetGuyover 13 years agoThe rational content of the poem escapes him, but then he is not much of a party-goer, and perhaps such events are common among poets with more friends. An interesting poem, nonetheless, although Poet Guy wonders a bit about the punctuation (he thinks that semi-colon is wrong and that, instead, L4 should be set off by either commas or em dashes).
SweetOblivionover 13 years agoNot sure about the bioluminescent mushrooms, but that's just a personal view.
I love the way in this you capture a particular moment in time and make it your own until the party-goers steal it. So tightly phrased - excellent.
buttersover 13 years ago... pared for even better effect, vrose, but really like your 'tangible darkness' and your final line especially. 'stole my darkness'. yum
twelveooneover 13 years agowhat?????????
no labia. I would try to chop a bit on L1 and L2 better balance, Overall good sturdy stuff
