Unfinished Panic

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124 words
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bulltlr
bulltlr
8 Followers

How long have I sat here staring
My surrounding blending, distorting and fading
Confused, angry I can't decide
Eye ticking, palms sweaty, heart rate accelerating
Every nerve on fire as if electrified
Feeling nauseated, stomach clenching, twisting
Not understanding what it is taking over my soul
I scream out with frustration yet no sound comes forth
This thing, running thick, within my blood, making it boil
Body tense, mind impatient and frustrated
Dull aching throbbing pain growing expanding within my brain
Pulling tugging attacking the optic nerve forcing the closing of my eyes
Dark so dark pitch black this pit to which I have fallen
Scorching tears falling stinging burning their way down my face
Red hot searing pain permeating through my soul

bulltlr
bulltlr
8 Followers
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  • COMMENTS
7 Comments
LadybriarLadybriaralmost 13 years ago
I fell...

into the dark pit with you - and felt your pain.

lostchickenlostchickenabout 13 years ago
Okay....

Sometimes, one word or line can throw a whole piece off and leave the readers very confused. I will admit that this one does have that potential but I think that is what makes it so compelling and interesting for me.

Panic is by nature, quite a dramatic and irrational feeling that pushes boundaries and leaves you feeling very much like you are balancing on that precipice. So it makes sense that in describing it, you would utilise those some components in your elocution. Also, given the title is 'unfinished panic' you do get a sense that all those feelings and sensations bombarding us are 'unfinished' and therefore quite raw in their impact.

Intentional or not, you have utilised a few interesting 'techniques' here to get the message across. It would be nice to see how you would describe 'finished panic'.

mokkelkemokkelkeabout 13 years ago

life is full of cliches is what i say. what poetry is is what we ourself as a person conceive as poetry. one could think rambling off some random numbers is already poetry, while others prefer a set structure and rhyming all the way through.

i fully admit that poetry is not my niche to read and comment in, but in this case i'd like to make an exception.

her poetry may not be perfect but what makes it stand out for me is that i know it's written from the heart and the little imperfections make the poetry what it is. for someone that's rather clueless about poetry(again see how am so easily admitting that?) i like what is written in this one and the other poems.

vrosej10vrosej10about 13 years ago
A migraine in words.

Hmmm.In a couple of places you hit it well with the images but a lot of this is cliches (the deadly poison of poetry). Also it reads like prose not poetry; this would be a much more successful poem if it sounded better. I read this three times but couldn't understand what you were getting at other than that you were in pain.

fridayamfridayamabout 13 years ago
Nice use

of cluttered cliches. Was that meant?

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