- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Dreaming Of Our Love Affair
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Click herehair flaming
she wades down creek
trout boil, branches burn
I hide in bracken;
our eyes still lock —
I become obsidian
- COMMENTS
PoetGuyabout 13 years agoSounds like you are having an affair with Dark Phoenix. Poet Guy likes the boiling trout--that's not an image one comes across everyday.
buttersabout 13 years agothe heat, the passion, the steam of this erupts. love the idea of 'I become obsidian', that melted volcanic glass.. ok, i have to ask: are you taking liberties inasmuch as lava becomes obsidian through fast cooling rather than the actual heat applied, or are you suggesting the look in her eyes super-cools you? which would be great, a fire/ice thing like Tess' write. the viscous, pulsing extrusion of you/your passion (yeah yeah, the narrator's) chilled suddenly by her ice-cold look... i'm going to opt for you knowing full well what you intended since you are far from daft, and sharp as an obsidian flake when the meds aren't muffling your thinking.
the line 'i hide in bracken' does feel slightly off kilter. not quite sure why... bracken is tinder-dry. the heat would set it alight. perhaps this leads to the obsidian but i so want it to be the first interpretation, just for geological correctness ;D
Maria2394about 13 years agoIt's not bad, but it isn't your best. It feels like something is missing and I just can't put my finger on it....I will say that you never disappoint me, because what you write and how you write it is always interesting and very often, something new. I enjoy reading you. :)
~ maria
twelveooneabout 13 years agowell, I fived it, I was trying to decide, should I really 4 this sucka, saw the comments, decided I didn't...
I like this:
I hide in bracken;
ishtatabout 13 years agoNot one of vrosej10's best, but the best on a day when there are a bunch of doozies posted. At least half a dozen wouldn't rate a 1
Anon your spelling is disappointing? (that's a cryptic clue!) and in any case anyone with serious pretensions to crossword solving does "The Listener" crossword not "The Times"
