Spring (c. years ago)

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It was a long time ago, I remember
spring in her sister city Albuquerque.
In the midst of busy, heavy industry,
black smoke curled from smoke stacks
was a park, purple elms, evergreens
and cherry blossoms. All trees drank
the hazy rain. I sat on the stone steps

watching ants weave around my muddied
trainer as my ass got wet and colder.
The shade of winter still bit the day,
but I sat there, huddled and hidden while
across the bridge in a Japanese 7-11
she brown-bagged us tall beers in tin cans.

She'd skipped back, black hair stringy,
dripping and fell down beside me.
I'd inadvertently taste paper before Yebisu,
her skin; it was the sun, warming.
Alcohol flushed her cheeks as her little kisses
flamed my neck, collarbone and down.

Out of sight, but in the open, we'd stay there
all day, get drunk then, well, we all know what.
It's where all the younger, good stories go,
getting hotter and bolder each day after.

  • COMMENTS
2 Comments
Maria2394Maria2394almost 13 years ago
well now

this one reminds me of your Sasebo poem somewhat. I always loved your poems about Japan. I am with 1201 ( sort of) on this, it needs a bit of reorganization and the line about brown bagging the beers, I would lose the "us" there, it helps with the meter.

I did vote, gave it a 5 of course because your poem in need of tweaking is better than a lot of stuff here that is finished. But it's like that anywhere and I am not slamming anyone else's poetry, just you have a huge head start, dontcha sweetie.

I am so glad you're here again. I don't have access to a computer when I am out of town, but will get to yours I miss because I faved you on my list. I found that toe poem I wrote for you years ago. Damn, you sure bring back good memories of this place. :)

hugs,

~ maria

twelveoonetwelveoonealmost 13 years ago
Whoa

2nd line

spring in her sister city Albuquerque.

wha?

some good ideas here, need of a little organization

I didn't vote, 'cause I don't want to go into details, 'cause it's Easter, 'cause I'm thinking about ham, don't want to think about your ass,

which really isn't a bad line, on it's own and in context.

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