Fallen Ch. 09

Moments after I lose control and release into him Taz goes completely limp, his legs falling away from me, so that for an instant, before the full realisation hits, I am confused. When I realise what I've done I withdraw from him and grip his thighs helplessly, willing him to somehow be immune to what I've done to him.

And then, he makes a strange choking noise and his head slams back, with such force that I'm surprised he didn't break his neck. His body is thrown into violent convulsions, that I'm afraid are going to snap his bones and tear muscle and sinew, if not something worse.

I am utterly horrified by what happened, and utterly helpless. I have no idea what this is going to do to him and there is nothing I can do for him. I cannot take away what has been given. All I could do would be to give him more, but that would be foolish in the extreme. And so, all that can be done is to watch him ride it out and pray that he is strong enough not to die.

I scramble off the bed and kneel at his side, as his body continues to convulse. I'm afraid to take him into my arms; because it is likely it would hurt both of us. He is breathing in choking bursts and I'm afraid that the straining of his throat is cutting off his windpipe, but what can I do? What can I do? How long will this last? What will it do to him?

"What have I done? What have I done?"

I don't even realise that I've cried out loud until I feel the bodies pressed against me. I glance down into Chancey's frightened eyes, but I can't keep contact for more than a moment, because that would mean taking my eyes away from Taz and I can't do that. I owe him that much.

"My Lord...what's happening to him?"

I ignore him, submerging myself in the wild energy of Taz's fight. I take his hand and hold on even though, a dozen times, it is almost torn from my grip. Finally, the convulsions ease, although he is still spasming and twisting his head rapidly from side to side, his eyes staring and unseeing.

"Taz... Ah Hel, Taz... Taz... please hear me. Come back to me. I didn't mean to hurt you. I swear I never meant to let it get this far. I can't... I can't help but lose control with you. I should never have thought that I could control it. I should never have let my senses become so divorced from my body. I pray to Hel that I have not harmed you. Do not leave me Taz. I beg of you do not leave me."

I am hardly aware of the others but I know they are gathered around and they are staring at Taz with fear and at me with shock and awe. It is rare that I cry and never over one of them, but I cannot stop the tears that are flowing down my cheeks.

He has stilled now, his eyes still open and wide, but his hand limp in mine. His lips are parted and his breathing is jerky and harsh. It seems to be hard for him to catch his breath and I am so helpless. There is nothing I can do to help him.

I am surprised, shocked and, I have to admit angry, when Mario knees beside me and gently nudges me out of the way. When I glare at him, he looks me in the eye and says softly.

"I'm almost a doctor, My Lord. Perhaps I can help. What's wrong with him?"

"I... I don't..." I have never been lost for words, never been hesitant with a pet, never. What the hell is happening to me? "When I release my seed into a human body I have to carefully control the venom that is released with it. I can't just release it all. It is too much. He is... overdosed on it. I don't know what will happen. I have never lost control like this before."

I feel almost foolish, speaking like this to Mario, as if he is the one in control. Part of me resents it, even while the other is begging him to do something, anything. To save Taz.

"Do you know what your venom comprises of, My Lord, what chemicals it contains?"

"No. It differs depending what my intentions are. It can intoxicate, invigorate or sedate; kill or cure. It can bring feelings of joy, or pleasure, paralysis or sleep. The more I release, the deeper the sleep; but this is different. This is not controlled, this does not have direction. I don't know the effect. I was not thinking, not intending."

Mario looks thoughtful, no longer speaking to me at all. "The initial effect was extreme. It's clearly a neurotoxin, but I've never heard of a reaction like that. It wasn't a seizure, but there were elements in it that were similar, so it seems there was an overwhelming release of energy, with catastrophic effect on the brain - which is unsurprising. There may have been internal damage, but I doubt it and I think it's releasing him, if only in relation to the paralysing effect. He's breathing more easily and the tremors have stopped."

Perhaps he is not a fully fledged doctor, but he is certainly talking like one.

"Will he live?"

"I don't know, My Lord. Just because the toxin is releasing its hold in some areas doesn't mean it's releasing him altogether. It may just be moving on to another stage of its development."

Mario takes Taz's hand from mine and presses his fingers against the inside of his wrist. He frowns. "His pulse is strong, but very erratic. That means his heart is affected. It's beating strongly but wildly and that could cause a cardiac arrest at any time." He leans forward to peer into Taz's eyes. "The fact that his eyes are so fixed and the pupils non reactive isn't a good sign, either."

"Mario. I don't care about signs or symptoms. All I care about is having Taz back with us. Is he going to die?"

He lowers his head, masking his eyes. "I don't know, My Lord. How can I tell you that when I know nothing of the venom that has gone into his body? I don't know the dose; I don't know the composition. I don't know anything. If I had any idea of what was in it, if I had a lab to test it..."

"From what you can see; what is your best guess?"

He looks up at me, his eyes bright and open. "The same as yours, My Lord"

"You think he is going to die?"

"Yes, My Lord."

I feel as if he has thrust a stake through my heart. I turn back to Taz and lift his hand, resting it against me cheek. It's cold and trembles slightly. A deep shudder runs through his body and his eyes flicker and then roll closed. I am startled and look to Mario, although I am perfectly capable of deciphering for myself that he still lives. Can I not hear his heart? Can I not smell the blood still flowing in his veins?

"He's still alive, My Lord." Mario says unnecessarily. "But I think he's gone into a coma. I don't know..."

Whatever it is that Mario doesn't know, is lost to me because, at that moment, Taz shudders again and grips my hand so hard it hurts.

"Taz. Taz can you hear me? Can you hear me? Are you alright?" Stupid questions, I know but now I understand why they are asked at times like these. There simply isn't anything else to say, anything else to do and there is a burning need in me to do something.

Taz takes a deep shuddering breath and his body starts to shake. I glance at Mario, who is looking puzzled and very grave. But I know, I can feel the strength flowing through him; feel life returning

"Taz." I call out again and, with another great shuddering breath, which rocks his body he opens his eyes and stares at me.

"Oh fuck, Taz. I thought I'd lost you."

I pull him roughly into my arms and hold him close. He throws his arms around me and hugs me closer still.

At last, I release him and he lies back, looking exhausted but alert. "Fuck" he says in a voice that is only shaking a little. "That was a wild ride." He grins. "When can we do it again?"

"Never." I say quickly. "I thought I had lost you and I will NEVER do that to you again."

For a moment, he looks as if he is going to tease me but he realises from the look on my face that I am serious. "It wasn't that bad, My Lord. I feel a little..." He pauses and his eyes take on a thoughtful look, "battered, but I've felt worse after sex."

"Do you really not know?"

"Know what, My Lord?"

"You've been unconscious for more than twenty minutes. For more than half that time, your body was convulsing as if it was trying to tear itself apart bit by bit. Your heart almost stopped and I thought... I thought..."

His eyes widen for a moment and then he smiles, "It was one hell of a fuck... one hell of an orgasm - yours; mine?" He shrugs. "Who cares? I'd do it again."

For a moment I stare at him, truly incredulous. I open my mouth to speak, but before I can get a word out, Chancey puts his hands on his hips and lets loose.

"How dare you. How dare you lie there and grin and say you'd do it again. Do you have any idea how frightened we were? We thought you were going to die. My Lord thought he'd killed you. He cried, Taz... My Lord cried for you and you smile?"

"Hush, Chancey," I say kindly, strangely touched by his words, but embarrassed too. I may be going soft but I don't want everyone to know it.

When I turn back to Taz, he is staring at me, truly shocked. He raises a shaking hand to touch my face. "You cried? For me?"

Under the circumstances, I ignore the fact that he does not use the proper form of address. I intend to scold, but my voice comes out soft. "Yes, I cried for you, because I thought I had lost you, that I had killed you. I lost control and I should never have done that. I very nearly killed you and had to watch you go through what you did because of me..."

"But I didn't, not on the inside. I have no memory of pain or fear, only of... of..." His eyes glaze and he shivers. "The greatest high I've ever had. The most intense sexual experience. Nothing will ever compare to it."

"You will never experience that again, Taz, I promise you. No matter how much you may want it, I will not risk your life like that again."

He looks up coquettishly, from beneath lowered lashes. "I didn't know you cared, My Lord."

"I care about having someone I can fuck the brains out of when I feel like letting go... except I will never let go quite as much as that again."

"Spoilsport," he teases and I feel as if a huge weight is removed from my shoulders.

I am strangely reluctant to leave him, even though my taste for sex has waned. He's not one to be fussed over and, within minutes he is chafing at the fact everyone is looking at him. He's exhausted but, apart from that he seems sound. Mario insists on examining him, although, at first, he growls and threatens to bite off his hand. Fortunately, a mere glance from me has him called to heel and he allows Mario to take his pulse, listen to his heart and peer into his eyes to, pronounce what we already knew... that he was generally fine.

"Can I go now, My Lord? If I'm not going to get satisfied here, I thought I would find Serif and see if he's feeling horny."

"It'd be better if you didn't do anything strenuous for a couple of days, Taz. You may feel okay but we still don't know if the effects of the venom have completely released you. You might..." Mario tries while Taz stares at him, his eyes like gimlets, until he loses interest.

"Oh well... I'll get Serif to do most of the work." He gets up off the bed and would have fallen back if I hadn't caught him.

"Taz..."

"I know," he says more soberly, as he tries again to support his weight, with a little more success, although he has to grip my arm with a vicelike grip, to keep himself there. "You don't have to say another word, My Lord. I'll wait until tomorrow." He's slurring his words and looks intoxicated. I glance up at Mario sharply and he shrugs.

"It's a normal effect of your venom, My Lord. It's likely that the normal effects will assert themselves, at some time and probably more strongly than normal."

"Oh for fuck sake, either shut up, or stop talking like a text book." The very fact that Taz is speaking so harshly, is testament to the fact that he is not feeling himself. In fact he looks high as a kite and after he has spoken he giggles.

"Don't worry My Lord I'm fi..." Before he finishes he passes out cold. Mario informs me that he is probably going to be fine, but he needs to rest, so I tuck him into bed, right there and instruct Mario not to leave his side until he wakes, and he is sure he's going to be alright.

Chancey is pale and Ara looks totally shocked. "Take Ara to your quarters, Chancey. He looks cold and shocked. Take care of him in any way you think appropriate, and have the staff deal with dinner. We only want something light.

"Yes, My Lord." Chancey says gratefully. I know him well and the best way to reassure him is to give him something to do.

Apart from the seven who make up my 'stable' there are numerous staff, who wander around the house like ghosts... some of them are. I don't see them and that is by design. One of the things I like about Chancey is his ability to make things appear as if they have just happened.

I am eager to get back to my suite and into my bath. Sacha is out and Bridge still asleep. While the bath is filling I look down at him, and smile. So beautiful and so sweet: so unlike Taz it is hard to believe they are of the same race. My bath is huge and it is easy to submerge myself completely. Around the side, there is a shelf, which makes it possible for me to sit, with my head above the water, and relax. There is a tray beside the bath, on which there is a bottle of fine red wine and three glasses. Sacha is a mind reader.

I pour myself a glass of wine, drink deeply and relax. My mind begins to drift and I slip towards sleep. I have no idea how I fail to hear someone enter. My senses are acute and, if nothing else, I can feel the thoughts, if not hear the footsteps. Nevertheless, I am aware of nothing, until the ripple in the water alerts me to the fact that someone else is entering it.

I open my eyes in surprise, to find Bridge's smiling face inches from mine. I jump. "Where did you come from?"

"The bedroom." He smiles, knowing exactly what I meant.

I can't help but smile myself; especially when he leans over me, resting his body on mine. It is so small and fragile compared to Taz. I hold him gently and run my hands up and down his back. He kisses me, sweetly and gently.

"You are so beautiful, Bridge."

"Not really but I like it when you say it."

"Are you feeling better now?"

He considers. "I don't know. I feel happy, I feel cherished, I feel lucky. But I don't feel well. I'm tired and weak."

"That will pass. You've only had one treatment. In a week you will be a different person."

"I already am."

"Indeed you are."

He sits on my lap and I hold him gently. He rests his head against my chest and goes to sleep. I sit and listen to his soft breathing, as the water grows cold around us.

We are still there when Sacha returns. He pauses in the doorway and smiles. This time I both hear and feel his approach.

"Is he alright?"

"Not yet. He is still very weak and tired, but in a few days he will improve. He is already better than he was. At least he is not dying anymore, not so quickly anyway."

"He's so sweet. We spoke a little and I feel..." A dreamy expression comes into his eyes. "I can't explain it; I just know I want to take care of him."

"I'm glad, because that is what you are going to do, what we are all going to do."

I look down fondly into his face and Sacha kneels on the edge of the bath and stares at him too. It's so strange. In a way, the feeling he evokes in me is filial and yet it isn't. There is such an overwhelming desire to protect and cherish. And yet, there is nothing remotely filial in the way I want to touch him and...

Unconsciously, I am stroking his back and thigh. He stirs and looks up at me with sleepy eyes. "Oh. Did I fall asleep?"

"For a little while."

His eyes flick up and he smiles delightedly. "Sacha. Are you going to come in the bath with us?"

"The bath's a bit cold now."

"Oh yes. I didn't notice. We'd better get out," he says seriously to me. "You're going to catch cold." I hug him tightly feeling... overwhelmed.

"I think it's time we both got out."

Still holding him in my arms, I climb out of the bath and Sacha wraps a huge fluffy towel around him. I set him on his feet, long enough to get my own towel and wrap it around my waist, then I scoop him up again. He giggles, as I carry him into the bedroom. He kicks his legs and I practically drop him onto the bed.