Leaning towards regret

Oh dear sir
Who i really know nothing about
I put you on such a pedestal
And tried so hard to figure you out
My gratitude dear sir
If you have found me unpleasant or a burden
When the last impression i was intending to make
Was that of someone who was a nuisance
Some times i wounder, why i was quickly discarded
From dialog or contact
When i was open minded to helping
Even when it had nothing to do with sex
I looked up to you because
You insisted on treating me like a child
Instinctively without even thinking
And even though we haven’t spoke in a while
I thought you deserved respect
And after all this i still do,
Even though i hate the way i feel now
Ever since taking a turn
Only to then be rejected by you
I should have just turned you away
And kept any respect you had for me before that day
Close to me
Then i would just have been your student
And your last impression would have been my immense participation
You could have remembered me as an admirable pupil
But alas now I’m just a desperate mess
Someone who should be avoided it leaves me looking crazy in the end
I’m back to where i started not much has been resolved
Makes me wonder sometimes if i really deserve much at all
Life still goes on, but you learn from others how you are perceived in this world
And i guess since i honored you like my father your the last person i would want thinking
I’m just that type of girl.