Continuous

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njoyjade
njoyjade
15 Followers

Constant flow of a river;
 fed and also feeds.
Constant light from the sun;
 shed yet still succeeds.
Constant beat of a heart;
 bled but never bleeds.
Constant need for more;
 spoken and discerned.
Constant heat from a star;
 felt yet often burned.
Constant love received,
 given but always returned.

njoyjade
njoyjade
15 Followers
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3 Comments
twelveoonetwelveooneover 11 years ago
allowing for he title...

Constant, try your damnest not to take repetition past 4, now the first three are very tight. suppose it was rewrote as 4th line

Constant need for more love

received, and always returned.

Ok, I don't know what bled but never bleeds means

I 5ed

tazz317tazz317over 11 years ago
CONTINUITY IS NOT PERPETUAL MOTION

things still continue ad infitium, TK U MLJ LV NV

DesejoDesejoover 11 years ago

This has nice sound - but I feel like a connection is missing; as it is now it reads a bit like a list. The elements of each line do not really tie in with each other - some are feelings, others are natural elements. A progression, maybe, from the small to large - natural to emotional or some other such ordering would have been stronger. The rhyme change is also a bit jarring - I would have been tempted to break up the stanzas at the change but then that wouldn't be continuous, would it? just my 2 cents :)