- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Adieus
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The smell of soaking raincoats and the drum
of water overhead – safe from the rain
below the dirty dome we took our leave
with water dripping from our hair to make
a wet, cold kiss, pale in the arc lights, drawn,
our faces sickly white. We didn’t speak;
farewell seemed irreversible, and au
revoir belied what we both knew. We looked
at one another guardedly, and stood
and smiled a rueful smile, and then the train
gushed in along the platform, full of life,
and shrieked unto a stop. We nodded once.
She lightly touched my cheek and turned to board,
and still I stood and watched; and still it poured.
- COMMENTS
Cleardaynowabout 10 years agoFinally made it to the end of the ‘A’s, set up base camp and the Sherpas are bring up provisions to support the full expedition to the summit. I am in my tent going over the long trek, making this my choice for the journey so far.
As always, it is a combination or marriage rather between the poignancy of the message and the dance by which it is expressed. Angeline may be right about ‘unto’ but I can live with it.
It has been interesting to see all the other poems. I feel I should take care in what I say but I do think you have progressed.
DawnJover 11 years agoAnd they're even worse when you know there might never be another hello! :(
You've evoked that sense very keenly in this description of a day that weeps for them as they part:
"She lightly touched my cheek and turned to board,
and still I stood and watched; and still it poured."
Angelineover 11 years agoand I think it's a lovely sonnet, but I'd lose the "unto," which sounds awkward to me. You could say "into its stop" or "until it stopped" or some such and not lose the rhythm. Just my opinion, and aside from that, I got nuthin but praise. :-)
