Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click hereToo bad that there was nothing I could do,
but then, he surely must have piqued the Gods
as he trespassed upon their territory
in bright-eyed trying, and my ramble on the rocks
was sadly broken by the sudden sight
of this grim miracle that seemed to change
the very light's intensity: a flash,
a bright bird flying by that when it dropped
into the sea proved nothing stranger than
a scorched but shiny boy. I saw his eyes
implore the callous world to let him fall
no victim to his father's lonely dream
perused on home-made wings. There must have been
a ruse of sheer elation, that short sense
of having made it, almost like a shock:
the view of fields below, the ploughmen shrunk
to terracotta dolls, the fat sheep strewn
like pebbles scattered on the verdant hills,
realisation of the end of bounds
before the final failure broke the dream
in one sharp plunge that drowned all light and sound
while I stood staring there to find the sea
refused to recognise this awesome splash
but just lay gently sparkling. On the waves
the deep momentum of the day was lost,
and all that's left me is the stricken look
upon a face half-seen the Gods forsook.
going up against 2 biggies, Auden, and Stevens or was that WCW, i forget, anyhow adding what?
Worked a treat for the most part.
verse 1 stanza 2 - two syllables too long
and realisation in stanza 7 can trip the tongue to spoil the rhythm - but that may be just my reading.
Great stuff as ever. S.O.
Really like this though I think you could reduce it down some and make it purer by losing some unnecessary words. It's pretty clear to me that it's Daedalus narrating the poem, but if you felt you needed to clarify that for readers (I don't), you could always put Daedalus in the title somehow.
All in all a lovely classical read. Thanks for sharing it.
:-)
both were punished vide Capitol Hi- sorry - Olympus up nigh !!