Meeting Jim (a tavvy tale)

Jim is one of the most curious of gents
Between his mouth and brain there are no vents
He became and steadfast and loyal brother
Which happens when safety is linked each to the other
He is the least inhibited person I know
So let me introduce him to this Tavvy show
He will politely tell you to go fuck yourself
amidst discussions of politics and wealth
I who bled with him and him with me
But our first meeting was amusing you will see

Twas only my second week at the infamous place
When I was introduced to a bouncer with a happy smile upon his face
Self-assured and self-amused
He had just been abused
He replied with quick and rapier like wit
“Guess who controls who enters you stupid shit
“Run along boy your night is done
Wanna get lippy? I’ll smash you for fun”
The patron knowing he wasn’t getting in
Tuned tail and fled frowning no grin
Without a pause or stop for air
He looked at me and ran a hand through his hair
“Hi, my name is Jim” he said to me
His manner relaxed, casual and free
I found myself warming to this man
He was genuine with a firm bouncer plan
After a moment of checking Id’s and bags
We grew a little more comfortable no red flags
Then began a bouncers standard witty banter
Check out her tits over this way she can canter
He pointed out this chick and that
Telling me which ones were good for scat
He went on in this vein for a minute or two
Then he noticed a woman he wouldn’t ‘do’
Jim to me “damn that chicks hot”
Imitating heaving motions he muttered “not”
He looked to me to see if his humour had got a rise
But to no avail a smile from me he tried to prise
I guess he thought he should try some more
She’s so fat I bet she struggles to get through the door
I glare at him to silence his mouth
For the woman was my girlfriend I had met down south
He took no hint, or heed of my glaring intent
He thought I needed to lighten up so the next line he sent
“That there is a hairy nippled wildebeest
Quick lets shoot it and have a feast”
A wink and a wave from my girlfriend
He decided he’d have another lend
“play your cards wrong and you can go home with that”
Laughing out loud this next line he spat
“Bet you could park a mini bus between those thighs”
By now I had stewed and though up replies
I stick with a hardnosed and jarring shunt
“Shut up, that’s my girlfriend you stupid cunt”
I saw all mirth drop from his eyes
At the suggestion of a bus between her thighs
“That isn’t funny” he said to me
Out the front of the Tavvy close to the sea
“Do you see me laughing at what you said?”
He looked at the ground face going red
He excused himself in an awkward manner
A foot in his mouth he’d acted a spanner
He made the biggest mistake of the night
By telling the supervisor, who informed everyone of Jim’s plight
So for the rest of the evening patrons and staff
Would order mini busses off of Jim for a laugh
An unpleasant start to our long tale
But camaraderie and mateship did prevail

Next time we meet my fine trendsetting mates
Will be to introduce the next of the Tavvy greats
The man we dubbed “The Gps”
So hang tight we’ll get to the rest.