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Click hereFace Fuck Book #130—Belinda
I've put this up for all to see
there's a photo of Belina and me
Belina sells tamales on the street
At the entrance to the supermarket
Verily, they can't be beat
She sells until the guards
are told to chase her off
Although they had a few to quaff
She's sixty years old but looks like eighty
Seven children and many grand babies
She came across the bridge years ago
Never got legal as you might know
Just a few words of English does she voice
Like "Good morning, Hello, The tamale is nice
Spicy sweet, some with meat
Cheese, What do you please?"
She boils the meat every night
Hardly sleeps checking if they are all right
Her husband's dead now twenty years
No pension or SSI arrives for her
One of her sons was shot drive-bye
One's a policeman who tries
To visit her one evening a week
Takes her shopping to buy
The massa of which we speak
It comes from a place
where they grind the corn
right in your face
The meat comes from a butcher shop
They save the cuts that make her's tops
She uses real corn sheath for wrapping
No paper or foil will be slapping
Against the patty she shapes with care
Her daughters are all married it seems
Pregnant when in their teens
But do not judge them very harshly
The important thing is to buy the tamale
Passion flows though all the people
Both rich and poor, it's very simple
TV and movies may divert
Books may instruct, but loneliness hurts
And there is nothing like young sex
To cool the fires when life does vex
I asked for her the other morning
A crowd had gathered at her corner
A younger woman came to say
He grandmother had died this day
No one else would continue the service
The crowd looked angry, disappointed
Tamales like her's are truly anointed
Rapid speech in Mexican
and then the offerings began
I pitched in twenty dollars as well
The money would go for her funeral
Held some where in East L.A.
We miss her much on this cruel day
the reason for detail is to humanize the characters and add to their credibility, i know you prefer pithy poems, as you say "in and out"--that reminds me of a girlfriend who after we orgasmed would always say, "please don't take it out"--i.e. different strokes.
Now look at "The Wasteland" do we have any excess as compared to"Lovesong of ...Poofrock"? I agree with your premise but sometimes hard and fast rules are made to be broken. ...and in the above, who would have brought notice of the death? and the pregnancies denote the life style of the poor who can't see a bright future over a bump and grind...." In any event go easy on me, I am a simple silly sensative man.....
'
but I think I said that early on, but what I gotta do? There are at least 10 lines, Her daughters...to...vex, that add nothing to the core story, you already have enough diversion (x amount is good, whatever x is) tactically, bad move to change syntax for rhyme, almost never works. That may be reason for excess phrases i.e "of which we speak" , "right in your face" while excess,comes off nicely though. I think I told todski this, get in, do what you have to do and get the fuck out, or more politely leave before the audience wants you to.
Side benefit to that, gives the reader.critic more time to focus on finer points
Liked your 45 comment, I was just sloppy, but I remembered the 12 inch 45's for dub, older folks would associate 45 with the 7 inch things with the big hole, which would muddy it, i.e. wtf is FDG doing with my Perry Como records. blah,blah,blah, I go on...5ed
I think kindness is both underrated and underused these days. But you are just a good writer, a really strong writer. I'm just being truthful about that. I don't always agree with your choice of subject or even the way you say it (reader's license, right?), but your talent is undeniable. And I still hope you write on the forum at some point. If not I'll keep reading you here.