- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Gone Grey
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There was a time - there were a lot of times
when foolishly I though I would avoid
life's pains and pitfalls if I could but make
my private world within the garden wall
that drowned all intimations of the wrold
outside: my territory, my stronghold, far
from base intentions and the jealous hands
that wring your hours. Then I still believed
because I never thought. Instinctively
I shrank from reason and I stayed away
from anything untoward. I'd not hear
the wind nor feel the rain, and shut my eyes
to keep things rosy - till I woke to find
dull alternations of drear browns and greys
prevailing colours of my adult days.
- COMMENTS
DawnJabout 10 years agoThe poignancy of this hit me in the gut! These are my thoughts, my feelings...my wounds! Well done, my friend!
Oldbear63over 10 years agoof the world we create like yours, Demure, and if we stay too long in one we get surprised. Long time ago I remember my mother saying "I look at my hands and see an old lady's hands, not mine." We need both worlds. Beautiful poem.
With sincere respect to ishat, in my opinion your observations, both what you see and how you describe them, convey a lot of what you are feeling
ishtatover 10 years agoI prefer this poem to many of your others because it seems felt rather than observed. Well written, Does the third stanza have some of its genesis in Othello?
Cleardaynowover 10 years agoI like this a great deal
Really like the flow, build up and the sentiment expressed. The irregular rhyming (no doubt there is a technical word for it) was striking. You had something worth saying and you said it well.
In particular I liked the ‘there was a time, there were a lot of times’ also ‘then I still believed because I never thought’ - but really all of it.
I think you should be very proud of this poem.
One tiny quibble, I find ‘rosy’ jars. Mainly the sound but also the inherent cliché. For some reason I prefer ‘safe’ both for sound and meaning – it ties back to the sense of what has gone before while the contrast with the dull colours needs no such reference. Just my feeling to be discarded (by you).
The spelling mistake does not matter but if one writes in something like Word that has a spell checker & then pastes in, one is only left with the subtler errors. Like what I have with this comment.
buttersover 10 years agoreally liked the originality (to my eyes) of this phrase:
and the jealous hands that wring your hours
