- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Woman
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here
I knew that if I pressed my ear
Hard, against her chest
I would not hear the
Predictable, warm beat
Of a human heart.
Instead, it would clink
Erratically
Against her rib cage
Like the sound of ice
Hitting the edge of a glass
Wielded by an angry drunk.
- COMMENTS
Tsothaover 10 years agoI really like the flow of the words in this. The drop from s1,l1 to s1,l2 ("Pressed my ear / Hard,"), from s1,l3 to s1,l4 ("hear the / Predictable,"), and the break at "Erratically" (s2,l2).
I agree with Koba below; your choice of words ("warm beat" / "sound of ice" / "hitting the edge" / "angry drunk") point toward emotional turmoil rather than a heart condition. Nicely done.
Janerochesterover 10 years agoAuthorThank you all for your kind words! Also, I love that I now know that the word "enjambment" exists :)
greenmountaineerover 10 years agoI don't know what happened to my comment. I swear I posted it this morning. I thought the diction and enjambment were outstanding. Also, skilled use of punctuation added to the dramatic effect for me.
Kobaover 10 years agoThis is quite good. Although it certainly could be about someone with a bad heart in the physical sense, I think there is a lot more going on. It seems to be aimed at someone without being specific who so as to apply to many. For some reason I get the sense it was written for an alcoholic mother but I may be reading way too much in. (It also has the feel of Sylvia Plath's "Daddy") But a good poem should allow for many interpretations and this one certainly does.
