Tali Ch. 08

Another short one for the readers... When I wrote the last few paragraphs I didn't think anything could top the emotion, so I'm delivering this bit earlier (in length) than intended =)

As a reminder, there is no sex. This is not a standalone chapter, please read the whole thing or certain aspects may just not make much sense.

Also, don't forget to leave a comment! Those things (good or bad criticism) hold mystical powers known to provide a boost in confidence to writers =)

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When Tali and her master finished buying her clothes, quite some time had actually passed.

"Well, there's no point in going home now just to have to come back out again to go to dinner. Why don't we head to the restaurant and walk around until the time of our reservation?" Miro asked.

Tali didn't quite flinch, but her head jerked a little in his direction. Was he asking her if that was a good idea? Did he really expect her to answer? Would she make him upset if she didn't? Was... was she supposed to have an opinion? She never gave these things much thought in the past... he usually never phrased his thoughts in a question.

"If you think that is a good idea, master-"

"Tali," he started gently, "I would like to know if -you- think it's a good idea," he confirmed her earlier suspicions.

"Yes, master. I'm sorry... I, um..." she trailed off not really knowing what to apologize for while her brain worked overtime trying to feel out her own thoughts on what he asked. Discovering her own opinion was still hard to achieve. She wasn't used to thinking that way!

Miro was getting impatient as he waited for what he thought was a simple answer.

"Well?" He prodded.

"I'm sorry, master, I.. I'm still thinking, I apologize," she stated redundantly. She was babbling, feeling on the spot, unable to wade through her thoughts. What was she apologizing about? Did what she just say sound stupid? What was she trying to answer again? She was starting to panic with her inability to reach an answer.

Her master noticed her hands start to rub against each other incessantly. Her facial expression filled with worry. His own impatience drifted away as he realized she needed his support.

"Breathe, girl... take your time. Just think about what makes sense to you. If you were on your own, would you just want to kill some time nearby the restaurant instead of going home and leaving in a rush?"

When he said it like that, she thought the answer seemed obvious.

"Well... there isn't very much point... in being needlessly in a rush?" Tali began hesitantly. She glanced at him, and he gave her a small nod of encouragement to keep going. "So... um..." Did he really need her to finish the thought? He basically already said the alternative himself already!

"Keep going..." He tried to keep the command out of his voice, raising the tone at the end in a more suggestive manner.

"I... I guess walking around is a better use of the time?" She was nervous, unsure of how assertive her statement was or was not.

Miro gave her a smile, saying, "then that's what we shall do!"

Tali blushed. She wished it didn't have to be based off of what she said. She really just wanted to do whatever he preferred. Obviously, he didn't think going home made sense... but why then did he make her say what she said?

Miro knew that at first these exercises would seem ridiculous. They wouldn't seem to work. He knew through experience, however, that repetition, even if forced, would eventually train the mind to actually think that way.

"Come on, there's a park nearby. I'm sure you haven't had a nature walk in a very long time."

In fact, the last time was at that frozen lake so many years ago.

She bowed her head and murmured, "as you wish, master."

As they walked, Tali fell into old habits. Eyes towards the ground, keeping track of his feet. A step behind and to the side. Hands clasped behind her. Tuning out her surroundings, making sure her attention was on him.

When he abruptly stopped, she stopped a step behind him, not missing a beat.

"Girl," she reflexively did not move, but instead waited for his command, "look at me."

She snapped out of her habitual trance-like state. Their eyes connected almost immediately. Tali saw the instant pride in his eyes. She knew she had pleased him. The warmth that washed over her was almost overwhelming, and she knew in her heart that she succeeded in learning how to make eye contact.

A smile started to creep onto Tali's face to share her master's joy, but suddenly a shiver over took her. She shook her head quickly, all traces of the smile gone. Had she started feeling... pleased with herself? Thinking that she could praise herself instead of her master? The feeling felt so foreign, she suppressed it before it even registered completely. What would he think if he knew?

Miro's face fell as he noticed her change in expression.

"What's wrong, Tali?"

She didn't quite flinch from hearing her name, but her mind still reeled back a little. Already feeling off balance, Tali didn't know how to respond. She was trained not to ever deceive him, but... she never had anything to hide! She knew she could rely on her master to correct her where she erred, but... these feelings... they were supposed to be gone so long ago. How could she admit her regression? Still, Tali knew she could never deceive him... that was engrained so deeply she couldn't compute veering from that truth.

"Master," she whispered. Her throat constricted and her body tensed. She was having trouble maintaining a standing position, her knees wanting to buckle and kneel out of habit. "I... I don't know why, master, but..." she paused, her body shaking with effort, her teeth clenched. She was breathing rapidly through them while gathering the courage for the last few words. "I... I felt pleased... with myself, master, not.. not from you. Not... just because you were pleased."

Her thoughts delivered, if barely, Tali unbraced her body. Giant teardrops started falling and she wished she could just curl up on the ground. She did not make crying sounds, she knew better than that. She looked down, away from his eyes. She hoped he would forgive her for that. The shame she felt ate at her. Feelings of being a waste of time returned. How could she just... undo what her master labored to teach her over the years?

"Girl," he spoke softly. He made certain nothing that could be mistaken for harshness entered his tone. He took the step towards her, took her hands in his own. They were cold. He moved them up to her chest and put his arms around her, warming her hands between them in his embrace.

His voice was so gentle. Tali lost all resistance to her emotions. Her body wracked in quiet sobs, feeling overwhelmed with guilt that he still took care of her when she clearly wasn't worth the effort.

"My sweet little girl," he said, and he gave himself a little shock to find out that he absolutely meant the emotions that came with the term. He did love her and vowed he would give the world and everything it meant back to her... the one he spent the last many years stripping her of.

"My sweet little girl," he repeated for the second time ever, "that makes me so proud of you. You don't have to cry anymore... Feeling pleasure for the good things you do is normal, and I hope to help you feel that much, much more."

Tali's eyes let out a few more tears before stopping in full shock. Her body was so confused, going from feeling cold to having warmth flood straight through to her feet. Did... did he mean what he said? He sounded so sincere... he never lied to her. He never had to.

"Master?" she asked for permission out of habit.

"Yes?"

"Can.. can I speak freely, master?"

"Of course you can, girl."

"Master... I... I love you," she said before she buried her face into his chest. She was always too afraid to say those words out loud, but she felt she had to now.