101 Reasons Not to Become a OBGYN Ch. 02byblackstallion21©
Even More Reasons Why Not to Become a Gynecologist...
(...And the gruesome, grotesque, and sometimes funny stories behind the scenes!)
The Following Story is completely and totally fictional. All of the characters are completely fictional with a true 100% real fact at the beginning of each chapter... If you are offended by certain sexual thoughts, facts, or stories, please stop reading now. Of Course, if you are curious about ANYTHING you think you are about to read, enjoy the story!
At one point in everyone's life the ridiculous gets a try. No matter what it is, we all do something dumb to our bodies. Or there is always the more upsetting side of the world around us, and that happens to be diseases. Some of which we can help, and some of which we can't, but as far as I'm concerned, a condom is the best remedy next to pure abstinence to solve 95% of the problems that we may run into...
So, now that is out of the way, and I have done my job as a Licensed Obstetrician and Gynecologist, I think I would like to get on to the real story...
Abigail Natasha Henderson, MD, OBGYN, is my full name and title, and you best bet I am proud of every letter that follows my name after all of the schooling that I had to endure in order to get them.
I have a fifteen member practice that I co-own with another doctor, and I think I rather enjoy my life. My job has its perks and its grief though. I've gone on a couple of dates with a few patients when I was still exploring with females before I got married to my wonderful husband and I had my two beautiful twin daughters. But I can't always say that I love my job because I have had a few run-ins with some terrible things.
My patients like to come to my office in emergency situations verses going to the hospital emergency room. Not only because I have been known to be cheaper; but also because in certain situations a doc at the emergency room may be a male, or may be a lot more interested in the patients misfortune then in correcting the situation. I know you are totally lost, but I will explain soon enough.
Marquise Matthew Kelly is my male counterpart in the doctor's office. He may or may share a few of his situations in the exam room, but I just wanted to introduce him just incase. He has also had his share of fun and interesting adventures so as a matter of fact, I will introduce him, and he will share at least one of his run-ins. So sit back and enjoy... and try not to throw up...
I. Safe Sex.
Unlike my first story where I was explaining my job in this first chapter, I am going to take the time to briefly give you a disclaimer on safe sex.
Safe sex for all intensive purposes is a term us Doctors use in respect to your health and safety. Does everyone listen to us? No... and that is your choice, but as physicians we are doing our job by warning you.
Condoms, Contraceptives, Being Monogamous (in relationships and out of relationships) and just using toys/ items that were made strictly for sexual usage are some of the ways you can practice safe sex.
Wearing a condom not only is 98% effective in preventing pregnancy, it also keeps both partners from spreading possible disease. Does everyone use them? No. Are there brands, shapes, sizes, textures, colors and flavors to suit almost everyone's taste? YES! But there again, this is only advice, not law. Everyone has to die of something, and if you would like a sexual disease to be your cause, feel free to ignore Doctors Advice.
Contraceptives are another way to prevent pregnancy. Now days in the year 2010, there are over the counter contraceptives just as there are Physician Prescribed contraceptives. I solely believe that contraceptives should be more readily used because of all of the people that are getting pregnant and adopting out kids, and having abortions, and so on and so forth... but I'm not in State Government, I am just a MD, OBGYN.
Being Monogamous. BEING MONOGAMOUS is the Number One Way to practice Safe Sex. THERE you know if that one person has any diseases, or defects coming into the relationship and you know that no more should enter the equation because the person isn't cheating on you... BUT in this day and age, Monogamy seems like a foreign word. Everyone likes to cheat. Why I don't know, but as I said, this is from my personal beliefs, the best way to practice safe sex.
And Last, but Certainly Not Least... Using Things That Were Specifically Manufactured for Sexual Purposes! Using things like household products that are not supposed to be inserted in certain places is the Number One Reason I have returning patients, and I am losing my Patience with these types of Patients! (And both words are used correctly!) ...And that leads me into Chapter 2!
II. Household Objects.
AT ONE POINT in almost everyone's life, something utterly stupid happens. True Story. London, England; A girl happens to be drying off from a shower when her telephone rings. In her bed, where said telephone is, there also is a bottle of ladies spray-on aerosol perfume. Said bottle is about an inch to an inch and a half in diameter, and about five to seven inches tall, and this bottle is standing on the bed. Said girl happens to run into the bedroom, jump onto the bed, and gets the bottle cap lodged five to seven inches up her pretty pink puss box, and now has to come see me in the hospital because she just so happened to land on it. Hmmm... As Ripley's says it, 'Believe it or Not!'
(see efukt.com, "Stories of Sexual Fail")
Then there is the not so popular Light Bulb! (This trick is not to be tried by anyone who body builds!)
I happened to personally go through this endeavor. I was in my office doing some paperwork at the end of a business day when my personal assistant, Aaliyah came rushing into my office hysterical telling me of a patient who had gotten a 40 watt light bulb stuck in her vagina. She liked the feel of it, and upon orgasm, the muscles in her side wall contracted and caused suction and took the bulb almost all of the way into her. Forceps and patience took care of this problem. Elapsed time stuck: 45 minutes. And lets not forget my wonderful friend who tried the same thing with a fluorescent light bulb. If I weren't just a MD, I would have had her committed right along with the first girl. What's wrong with people?
A baseball bat was another of my favorite ones... A couple decided they would get frisky after a baseball game, and use the narrow end of a baseball bat as a dildo. The problem in this situation was, in having their little bout of fun, Mr. Genius damaged Miss Genius' ovaries and the twins that they had been dying to have will never grace the face of this earth. Poor babies... mom and dad weren't too smart. ANYWAYS... I'll stop being gruesome.
III. The All Popular Food Products.
Ahhh, what the people want to read! From chocolate syrup, to caramel syrup, to whip cream, to sushi and even eating entire buffets off of naked people... Then there is eating things out of orifices. Like the peaches (you remember my first story...) and the strawberries, yeah, some dumb broad must have read my first story and tried the inevitable! And as true as the nose on my face, got the bastards stuck inside of her, and I ONCE AGAIN, had to use forceps to get it out!
But there are also the really smart people in life... Ever heard of Champagne Douches, disappearing limes, (yeah, elapsed time on the operating table with various tools: 1.5 hours!) milk douches, banana splits, (with or with out the ice cream) and various other types of fun foods that people use to get off with? (the fresh veggies being the most popular, with carrots, celery, and Cucumbers ranking at the top!)
What's the world coming to? I could in one sentence tell you all of the reasons why NOT to use these things, but you don't want to hear that. You want to hear what you can go home with your ingenious mate and try right after reading my story, aren't you? (Shake your head...) Well, you don't need my story to tell you any of this, just check out the internet, and the ideas will come flowing in!
Take Elizabeth for example. Elizabeth was a 20 year old college student who happened to get drunk and get initiated into her Sorority House, Eat Mi Pi, where all of the girls considered themselves LUG. (Lesbian Until Graduation)
So to make a long story, a night of naked twister, beer pong, and shots of Three Olives Cherry Vodka landed Little Mizz Lizz in my office bright and early on a Monday morning with a pussy still partially loaded with Montmorency tart cherries. How they got there totally eluded her!
From what I gather, the girls were filling each other's Pi's with cherries in contest to see how many each girl could fit as initiation. In being upside down, all of the alcohol that Liz had consumed made her dizzy, and rendered her unconscious after she stood on her head for a minute thirty seconds. SO... as the REAL FRIENDS they are, the girls took Liz and her Cherry Pie to bed and left the cherries inside of her as not to wake her, and now I got my chance to stick my hand into a real live cherry pie!
...You know what happens here, and you know how elated I am...
In all fairness, I think I am done with my part of this story. I have given you my reasons, for the second time, to keep as far away from this profession as you can, and now I think its Kelly's turn. Until next time, (and there will be a follow up visit to this Doctor's Appointment...) Keep all of your sexual escapades safe and clean.
_A.N.H. - OBGYN.md
...Now without further ado, I introduce again,
Obstetrician, Dr. Marquise M. Kelly, MD.
Dr. M.M. Kelly.
Well since our last go round, Dr. Abby has had her share of unintelligent people grace our practice, and that's why she might have seemed a little less happy to participate in this story as she was the last, but then again, WE ARE telling you WHY NOT to become a Gyno... Not the joyful, enjoyable, fun, exciting reasons why you should become one!
BUT, in all fairness, at least the first part of my addition to our story is interesting. Well, the main info isn't, but we are Doctors. We have to advise you on why certain things may happen, and then we tell you about the not-so-smart people that we have run into along the way as to why we are writing!
Body Parts, ENLARGED body parts, and Personal Hygiene... Where to start? Eenie, meanie, minie, mo! Personal Hygiene it is!
Sit back and finish enjoying the story...
IV. Personal Hygiene.
Being a woman is MUCH different than being a man when it comes to personal hygiene. Both men and women should practice good hygiene by washing daily with soap and water, (wow, I feel like I am talking to my kids) and we should stay fresh with lotions, deodorants, and perfumes.
Now, with that, it's ok for a man to use most soaps on his penis and anus and the rest of his body... where with a female, that's not always true. Certain soaps will irritate the inner walls of the vagina, and certain perfumes, lotions, and even shaving creams aren't meant for use around the vagina for many reasons. For instance, using certain soaps, perfume, etc can cause irritations such as odor and discharge. (And if you don't mind, we'll stop and dwell on this subject for a moment...)
Every woman experiences few traces of vaginal discharge produced by the glands in cervix and vagina. This discharge keeps the vaginal area lubricated, clean and infection free. The amount and consistency of the discharge differs according the stages of menstrual cycle. If the vaginal fluid appears clear or milky, if it is thin and stringy and without any foul odor, then it can be considered as a normal discharge. If the vaginal discharge suddenly varies in odor, quantity, color or consistency, it is supposed to be an abnormal discharge and it is time for you to come and visit ME. (www.home-remidies-for-you.com)
But there are also UPSIDES to Odor!
I know you are thinking Dr. Kelly has lost his mind, aren't you? Well I haven't. Just like men, when women are aroused, they give off a particular smell. Some women are particularly pungent, and others more mild, but in either case, it's always a good thing to know that a woman is aroused!
I happened to be with a particular African American girl when I was younger, and this was before I was a doctor mind you, and when she got undressed at my house to have sex, her personal perfume filled the whole upper floor of my house, and before I could catch the words from falling out of my mouth, I asked her if she had showered!
THANK GOD she knew what I was talking about, and she giggled. She told me she had just showered before I picked her up, and to prove it, made me smell her arm. She smelled of soap! Confused as you might expect, she explained that her body was lubricating for me, and we fucked like jack rabbits. And that reminds me of little Rachael.
Rachael was one of my normal patients. She was a 24 year old beautiful black girl. She was single, and wasn't thinking about entertaining a relationship after the bad break up she had experienced a year prior. She was just into her body. Wake up, cardio; after work, a brisk run, and before bed, more cardio, and her body showed that she was really into herself.
At any rate, Rachael came into my office one day after a work out. She hadn't time to head home and change after the gym because she almost forgot her appointment and was a little late. So, when Rachael stumbled into the office a little late, the receptionist immediately took her into the exam room for her physical.
"Good Afternoon Rachael, you look like you are a bit tired."
"Yeah, I am so sorry Doc. I almost forgot that I had an appointment today. I ran out of the gym, didn't have time for a shower, or anything. You can see I'm still in my wet clothes."
"I see. Well, go ahead and take your shirt off, leaving your bra on, and lay back on the table please." I said approaching the glistening Rachael who still smelled of sweat and perspiration.
Taking my stethoscope, I performed all of the vitals. I checked her heart, lungs, throat, and blah, blah, blah. My mind wasn't totally in the game because the room was filling with the female pheromone.
I moved my hand down to her chest to listen to her heart beat through the instrument, and I could have sworn she sighed a little more feminine than was necessary. But it could have been just my mind playing tricks with my pants.
Checking her lower abdomen and rib cage was even more interesting as now I knew she moaned and even closed her eyes! "Rae, are you ok?" I questioned.
"mmm, yes." She moaned.
Brushing it off, I took my hand to the top of her pants, and felt her bladder to make sure things were ok there, and Rachael let out another moan. This time, I couldn't let it go. My rock hard dick wouldn't let me let it go!
Timid, as you can probably guess I was, I grabbed the top of her workout shorts, and started peeling them off of her chocolate body. As I got to the top of her mound, a gasp roared from the pit of her stomach and I froze solid in my tracks. "Don't Stop! Keep Going." she demanded.
'Phew,' that was close... I let out a sigh of relief as I held nothing back and pulled down her pants to reveal a completely shaven chocolate colored hot box, complete with strawberry filling. I walked around to the end of the exam table, and kicked up my foot stool and sat down to eat as I threw Rachael's legs over my shoulders.
I dove right in and pushed my tongue in as far as it would leave my mouth, and swirled it all around the inside of her pussy as if I was trying to lick it clean. She tasted salty from sweating from her work out, and she was dripping wet. My chin was covered in juices, and they were even dripping down my neck and onto the collar of my shirt, and all the while, Rachael's moans were deafening and echoing through out the exam room.
I chewed on her lips slightly, and tongued the crease in-between her leg and her pussy. I fingered the hell out of her hot pink clam, and sucked her clit so hard I thought I was going to vacuum it right off of her, and the rest of her body flopped around on the table like a fish out of water. And just as I thought I had enough, and she had all she could take, an orgasm ripped through her body and she squealed as I thought my world was going to end. The leg strength of someone who constantly works out is NOTHING to fuck with! Rachael squeezed my head so hard with her legs I thought I was the one who was going to pass out!
Needless to say, Rachael didn't pay for that Doctors Visit!
V. Body Parts.
Seeing that this is my last chapter before I help Abby close yet another Volume in our Saga, I think I am going to do this a bit different. Can I open this part of the book up for Questions? Yeah, I think that's what I'll do. Lets answer a few questions on enlarged body parts.
No, not tits, I am not a plastic surgeon, and I don't want questions about how to get bigger boobs. I actually am 100% against it! I think the only reason that anyone should get enlargements is if she is absolutely positively flat chested. And in all actuality, an A cup isn't too small for me! Join the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, and come over Dr. Kellz's House, where my motto is 'More than a Mouthful is a Waste!'
NOW, on the flip side, I am all for Reductions if they are necessary. For instance... a 5'3" chick with DD boobs is UNNATURAL but has been known to happen! And if left untreated can cause major back problems, including Scoliosis, in the girl's future. And I would recommend a reduction especially if she is under 25 years old.
Now that you got me talking about tits, and I didn't want to, let's move on. The floor is open for questions.
This one comes from Susie in Oakland, California:
I have always been curious about this and I have never seen it addressed by anyone. I have found that women who have a large clit seem to enjoy sex better. The larger the clit, the better the experience. The ones with the largest clit like to have it sucked more and seem to have an orgasm faster. What has been your experience?
Dr Kelly's Answer:
I'm not sure I have seen the direct relation. I have been with a couple of women with large clits, and I have to agree they fit into the categories you mentioned. It made me a little bit jealous, just the fact that their clits are so big. I will say that we had fun, and I enjoyed the sex, and would have no problem finding a couple more before I got too old to fuck anymore... Just kidding.
I mean young men want to have the biggest erection in the group, right? It's kind of the same way for some young ladies, not all.
Do you like large clits? (Allexperts.com/femalemasturbation)
The next question comes from Michelle in Topeka, Kansas:
Dr. Kelly, I'm 19 years old and this problem has been haunting me for ages. One of my labia is considerably larger then the other. When my legs are almost closed you can still see it! I was considering going under the knife, I just don't know how to go about it. I was looking for some advice. I guess what makes me want the surgery is the fact that there not a symmetrical at all. I'm very sexually active, (safely) but I always wonder what my partner is thinking.
Dr. Kelly's Answer:
Don't worry, asymmetrical labia are perfectly normal. It's also normal if you have an 'outtie' (inner lips protrude). Most men aren't that rude or conceited to comment, although some are. The most you might hear is... "Look, one's longer than the other... that's so cute!" Don't go for surgery: you risk severe bleeding, deforming scars and almost worst of all, severing nerve endings. (steadyhealth.com)