45 Reasons for Denying DifferencebyWaltForest©
We deny differences between male and female sexualities because we mistake sameness for equality (and move farther from true equality than ever).
Stephen King once wrote: women think they understand male lust, and that's probably just as well for their sleep and peace of mind.
If we stopped denying difference, countless women would suffer sleepless nights and highly troubled minds.
We deny difference out of fear of being told we are "naïve," "in denial," "too pathetic to get laid," "backwards," "bigoted," "prudish," "Victorian," etc. These terms are now more than insults. They are denunciations meant to ostracize, socially or professionally, anyone who dares to question the ideology of sameness.
Many women do not like to admit that their sexual power gives them enormous advantages over men. Therefore they deny the difference from which this power comes.
The creators of sexual harassment policies and laws deny difference and its myriad implications on the human mating ritual, making any man who tries (however timidly) for the proverbial bra strap an "offender," and the woman who pushes his hand away (no matter how bright-eyed, no matter how she giggles) into his "victim," who is granted with this status the power to ruin his life if she chooses. This is, of course, exactly what our man-hating society wants.
We all know those men who enjoy making other men envious by describing (in the most casual of tones) how someone's wife or girlfriend, hot teachers, sexy female bosses, and women they have only just met routinely lead them by the hands to their beds, "no strings attached." The credibility of these Don Juan tales depends on our denial of difference.
The woman who feels the same way a man does about sex exists only in pornographic fantasy. Many men, like modern-day Don Quixotes, like to pretend these slutty Dulcineas are real. To do so, they must deny difference.
Some women wish to avoid the responsibility that female sexual power should entail. To do so, they deny this power and the difference from which it comes.
We all know those women who stir up male interest by suggesting they want sex as badly as any man. The popularity of these teases depends on denying difference.
Women who have abused their sexual power over men naturally want to remain blameless (and go on abusing). They can get away with it, so long as we deny difference.
The myth of "the fuck buddy" depends on denying difference.
Men commit suicide at about five times the rate of women. To understand why, we must ask, What makes men different? But we don't want to understand why. As a society (if not always as individuals) we hate men. We deny both the crisis and the difference at its root, and hasten still more men to their deaths.
We mislead young women by assuring them that the men they go out with feel the same about sex as they do. The resulting disappointment (and worse) creates a constant supply of new man-haters. In this way the denial of difference fuels our society's already overwhelming intolerance of men.
A woman who has been used can assure herself that she only wanted sex, just as the man did, so long as we deny difference.
Men who obtain sex by falsely suggesting the possibility of commitment and love can flatter themselves by pretending that their victims only wanted sex, same as they did. It's a simple matter of denying difference.
By pretending that women feel the same as men do, we encourage husbands to leave their wives in search of sexual freedom. As neither this sameness nor the freedom it would create exists, these husbands wind up miserable. This is exactly what our man-hating society wants, so we go on denying difference.
Men who wish to be pious can make believe they are resisting the temptations of countless women yearning to sin with them, thereby exaggerating their own virtue without suffering any of the angst real sexual opportunity would create. In this way denying difference can create an instant sense of righteousness.
A wife may imagine her husband surrounded by horny women who leave him cold because he loves her so much. This romance depends on denying difference.
Storytellers have long endowed their female characters with a male-like sex drive to provide audiences a temporary escape from the oppressive everyday reality of difference.
The great novelist Isaac B. Singer once said that a story, to be interesting, must concentrate on the exceptional. As there is little quite so exceptional as the woman who feels like a man does about sex, she is the subject of a great number of stories, all of which hinge on denying difference.
If we did not deny difference, we would have to admit that the storyteller's art (whether in film, fiction, journalism, or oral) has been sacrificed to create today's propaganda of correct "gender politics." Our stories are no longer about expressing truth, whether of the sexual reality or of our hearts. They are about upholding the false ideals of sameness.
By denying difference, we can mislead generations of young men, giving them a false idea of women, causing them a great deal of disappointment and pain. This is exactly what our man-hating society wants.
When a woman and a man fall in love, it can be reassuring for both to deny the chasm of difference that separates them.
Samuel Johnson once said that the law gives woman so little power because Nature has given her so much. Now that women's legal power meets and exceeds that of men in the West, why don't we turn to these "natural" inequalities, consider what should be done about them?
Because we don't have to, so long as we deny difference.
Female sexual power is non-transferable: we can no more grant it to men than we can the ability to give birth. Achieving true equality of the sexes would require taking into account many different types of power. Rather than rising to the challenge, we turn away—denying difference.
If we admitted difference, we would eventually have to acknowledge that one of the most effective ways of dealing with it is through observing the propriety and decorum which our culture developed over the centuries for this purpose, and which we now take such pride in having put behind us (even as we, hypocritically, continue to follow it). But we lack the necessary humility. Instead we deny difference.
If we admitted difference, we would also have to admit there are sound reasons for legalizing prostitution.
Men who go to prostitutes like to think these women enjoy the experience as much as they do, even though they demand money to provide it and often clearly loath their clients. The fragile illusion of mutual desire depends on denying difference.
If we admitted difference, we would have to pity the man who goes to prostitutes rather than hating him. Our society prefers to hate men, so we deny difference.
Across much of the U.S., uncover female police officers pose as prostitutes and arrest any man who offers them money in exchange for sex. The men know about these stings (they are covered by the local media) yet they risk everything—job, wife, family, respect, reputation—and, in the end, lose everything.
We can avoid confronting the deep and widespread male desperation these actions suggest, dismiss these men as "losers," if we deny difference.
All those gay men who think they would be God's gift to women if they were straight would have to admit they would be in the same boat as their hetero counterparts if we acknowledged difference.
If we stopped pretending that men and women feel the same about sex, many men who currently pass as bi-sexual would feel secure enough to "come out" as straight, and admit they are only taking advantage of the sexual freedom homosexuality offers. But this would suggest men suffer from sexual oppression, and that women are the oppressors—the last thing anyone wants to admit. We would prefer to blame the men themselves for all the misery we make them suffer. So we deny difference.
If we did not deny difference, all those swingers would have to start calling themselves wife swappers again.
Women who try to be like the characters in "Sex and the City" (or whatever television show they watch now) are reluctant to admit that they are forcing themselves to play a part that does not suit them (unlike like Sarah Jessica Parker herself, who has confessed that in "real life" she is a prude). To avoid coming to terms, these women deny difference.
Countless baby boomers would have to concede their so called "sexual revolution" was a sham if we failed to deny difference. (As one would-be hippie put it: "The only ones cashing in on the free love action were the pushers and the lead singers in the more popular bands. The rest of us were lucky if we got to take part in a gang rape."
By pretending women feel the same as men do about sex, we can keep male hope of sexual freedom at its current fever pitch, increasing women's sexual power over men even more.
The woman who chooses a mate because of his status in a given sphere (whether social or economic) is not "natural," as the evolutionary psychologists would have us believe, but rather a symptom of our degraded culture. By denying difference, we can avoid facing the suffering such women cause themselves and especially the men they pass up for all the wrong reasons.
Men who use their status in a given sphere to obtain sex would like to think that women are attracted to more than their success. They can convince themselves, if they deny difference.
The old chivalry involved opening doors for the ladies and letting them have the first life boats when the ship went down. The new chivalry, a perversion of the old, is far more dangerous. Observing it is simple: all you have to do is deny difference and the sexual power difference creates. In this way we allow women to enjoy all the benefits of this power, with none of the responsibility wielding it should involve, none of the penalties its abuse should incur.
Never have we placed women so high upon their pedestals as we do now that we deny difference.
If we tell men that women in other countries are "less inhibited," men flock to those countries. If we tell men that urban women are more "sophisticated," they will rush to the cities. I suppose if we place in men's minds some old fashioned idea of the lusty farmer's daughter, they will even go to the country. When we deny the universality of difference, pretend that it is only a construct of certain cultures (almost always those we wish to look down upon), we keep men running back and forth, here and there, and prevent them from realizing what is being done to them, which is the point.
Mainstream feminism owes much of its current popularity to its depiction of Everywoman as a heroine battling male oppression. If she fails, she is tragic, the victim of men. If she succeeds, her victory is all the more triumphant. We have all heard it said: "She had to work twice as hard." Admitting difference and the female sexual power difference creates undermines this fiction by reminding us of the truth: women have many advantages that men do not. Sensing how unpopular this truth would be with its base, feminism denies difference.
Some gay men like to think their sexuality is essentially the same as women's. (It never occurs to them to ask why we have no heterosexual equivalent of the gay bathhouse). If we admitted difference, they would lose this illusion of oneness with women.
Male masturbation fantasies often rely on denying difference.
All of the reasons for denying difference listed here (as well as many others) reinforce each other. If journalists, novelists, film makers, television people, the tease in the next cubicle, the would-be Casanova at the water cooler, all deny difference, women and men must be the same, right?
Which brings us to the biggest reason of all: we deny difference because everybody's doing it.