- Non-Erotic Poetry
- A mother's battle
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There he goes
spinning in circles
arms flapping,
one continuous motion
to the tips of his fingers,
criss-cross back and forth
until satisfied, he stops.
Eyes once vibrant, alive
now vacant, peering straight
through me.
The shrieks begin,
loud, shrill, headache-inducing.
Biting his fingers
he runs into the wall.
Turning, looks me in the eye.
"Mimmi I ove ou."
He's back, but for how long?
Doctors, therapists
testing, instructing;
a never-ending process,
five steps forward, twenty in reverse.
Tired and worn, yet my battle's hardly begun.
- COMMENTS
buttersabout 13 years agoi think you captured the frantic activity really well, bulltlr - it was tiring to try to imagine, that and the sound...
'Biting his fingers' and the idea of the criss-crossing motion were quite mentally shocking to me. so this has impact.
i honestly felt it came to a natural conclusion with a last line of
He's back - but for how long?
that makes a powerful ending, in my opinion.
vrosej10about 13 years agoAgree with twelve about the summation. That being said I really liked and related to this poem. I have an autistic son who did all these things when he was little and at twelve still rocks and flaps. It gets easier as they get older.
Maria2394about 13 years agofor throats and for poetry, but your poem is very touching. I can't say I know how you feel, I don't, but I can offer a hug. I'm sure you are a terrific mother and he is lucky to have you.
~ maria
greenmountaineerabout 13 years agoThere's drama here. I think longer lines would have created a greater sense of a frenetic climax at the next to last line of the first stanza, which I think was your intention. The repeated line breaks slowed that down for me. Still a good read.
twelveooneabout 13 years agoa 5, more of a note of support. 1 note, avoid summation endings in poetry, what can be unsaid, is better unsaid, do you need:
Tired and worn, yet my battle's hardly begun.
?
