A Mother's DesirebyTNTigressmom©
I remember Tyler being a senior in high school and starting on the Varsity basketball team when I found myself looking at him in more than just a motherly way. I loved my son very much, but growing inside of me was the urge to protect him from the world, and after time passed, it was my own self that he needed protected from. Often late at night, I would wake up and immediately drift to a state of mind of loneliness and confusion, and I would cry myself back to sleep. I knew I needed counseling but was too scared to admit to anyone that I had become sexually attracted to my own teenage son. I was afraid of being judged or even worse, turned into the police. I knew what I had been feeling was wrong and that a mother should never feel this way about her own flesh and blood. Why was it happening to me, I often wondered, but never could find the answer, and had no one to turn to?
Over the next couple of months I did a lot of researching on the internet trying to meet other women online who had experienced the same feelings that I have been feeling. We discussed these sorts of topics but mostly there problems dealt with their sons being attracted to them and not the other way around. Some of the women however, did offer help and advised me to go out and try to date. A lot easier said than done when I didn't have a lot of friends since my husband and I were separated. The vast majority of my friends were also his. There are a few co-workers I get along with but no one that I can see myself dancing the night away with, if you know what I mean.
My feelings grew stronger towards Tyler and I started to become jealous when he started to date a girl named Brittany. Brittany and Tyler spent a lot of time together on weekends and even during the week nights at our house. I could see it in Tyler's eyes that he was in love with her and she was with him. She was very pretty girl with long natural red curly hair with a perfect smile and came from a wealthy family. I had witnessed them kissing late one night when I had woken up from my sleep and was thirsty. I walked to the kitchen for a drink of water and they sat there outside on the deck steps lip locked as Brittney's fingers caressed Tyler's face. I stood there staring at them got a good two minutes before closing my own eyes to imagine myself out in the night with Tyler...looking into his eyes...holding his hand...whispering to him I love him, all while feeling his lips pressed against mine. My imagination ran wild on a nightly basis and the more I imagined, the more I desired Tyler.
One Sunday in May, it was Tyler's high school graduation. I was a very proud mom as he walked across the stage holding up his diploma and smiling at me as I stood there cheering for him from the balcony seat of the theater. I wanted to grab him, and hold him, and hug him. I rushed down to the lobby when the graduates were dismissed and wrapped my arms tightly around my graduate. The only bad thing is that Brittany was clinging on to him wherever he went. After one to two hours of this misery and almost getting sick to my stomach I decided to give Tyler one more motherly hug and kiss on his lips head home.
I had planned to make Tyler a special dinner that night to celebrate his success but on my drive home my phone started to ring. It was Tyler. "Hey there sweetie" I answered. I could hear a lot of background noise when Tyler was speaking. He was informing me that he was going to head to his friends house for a graduation party and would probably stay overnight. "Aww Tyler" I said in disappointment knowing my plans were spoiled, but I couldn't be upset at him. After all, it was his graduation, and I wanted to him to have a fun time with his classmates, or former classmates I should say. "Promise me that you will not drink and drive, and if Brittany goes be sure to take care of her. Do not let her get into any trouble, and be nice to her. I know she loves you." I said to Tyler hoping he would believe that I really did like her. And I did, but I just wish she wasn't around him every day and night. "I will be sure to have a nice breakfast for you in the morning since I won't be able to make you a special graduation dinner" I said to him as we got off the phone. "Sounds great mom, see you later" he said hanging up in a hurry.
The night couldn't have dragged on any slower. I warmed up some cold cheese pizza that we ordered the night before and sat down on the couch to scarf it down. There wasn't much on television either and I already had watched all of the shows that I recorded on the DVR throughout the week before. I decided to open my lap top and kill some time on Facebook and waste the night away. There wasn't much happening on there, just some graduation ceremony pictures being posted by some friends whose child also graduated earlier with Tyler. I decided to get up and pour a glass of homemade Sangria that I have been chilling in my refrigerator since the morning. The house was quiet and it seemed somewhat scary. I knew that the nights would become this way every night once Tyler left for college in August. Deep down my heart was aching. I needed to find someone to share my life with but it was hard. I decided to try my luck and sign up for a few dating websites. "What could it hurt?" I wondered to myself out loud. I deserve to be happy. But it seemed that every guy I encountered for the next few hours only wanted what most guys want.
To my surprise, a woman whose user identification was "indulgnme" had sent me a message and she was local. I never really have had an interest in another woman but her picture was cute and introduced herself to me as "Kimberly." I find out that she only lived a few minutes away and just moved in to the subdivision next to mine. She also was in the process of divorcing and after a few back and forth messages our conversation got a little deeper and I told her about my problems with Tyler going off to college and with being lonely. She too was in a similar position as I. Her oldest daughter, Jessica, left for college a few years ago, but she has another daughter who would be attending the same school that Tyler just graduated from.
We spent some time chatting back and forth about our lives before she proposed that we hang out sometime or maybe have a few drinks at the steakhouse which was right down the street. She seemed really nice and I figured that it couldn't hurt meeting her. Shortly after agreeing to meet, she messaged me her number and suggested talking on the phone. I told her that I had a few things to do around the house but I would give her a call when I was finished, and I did after I got ready for bed and lay down.
I was quite nervous as her phone continued to ring but when she answered she sounded very sweet. Her voice was soft and had bit of a country to it. I haven't ever met anyone from the internet but so far she seemed like someone that is trustworthy. We talked about our favorite drinks and she told me the story of her first ever alcoholic drink. She was nineteen at the time and she spilled the entire glass on her soon to be ex husband. They had been married for seventeen years and the decided to call it quits when they both realized they weren't in love with each other anymore. We started talk about men in general and we both agreed that men are assholes but we couldn't live without them. She was very open but it was pleasing knowing that I was someone she could be so open with so quickly. "I hate men, but love their dicks" she bluntly said causing me to nearly choke on my own drink that I was sipping. Everything was going great and I had a new friend until she asked the one question that potentially changed my life forever
"Enough about me, what is your ultimate fantasy" she asked.
"Oh wow" I replied as our conversation went silent.
"I have so many, I guess I don't know where to start" I said as I took a sip of my drink and I could feel my cheeks beginning to warm. This woman had me blushing, and I don't blush.
Over the years I had developed many fantasies. Some of them simple and normal, the usual threesome, or being with another woman, but the most daring one, to me, of course was my fantasy of making love to Tyler. I have been separated from his dad for quite some time and that ultimately could be the reasoning of this fantasy. I knew there was no way I could tell her this...not even in a million years, not without judgment I was sure. So I thought of the next best thing.
"Ever since my husband and I split, I have fantasized of being with a younger man" I said to her nervously.
"Oh really...I have that one as well. Give me some details about yours" She said insistently.
"Well...just being with a younger guy in general and his tight younger body, feeling him inside me...just is very orgasmic sounding" I said and again I was shaking nervously. I have never been this open with anyone this quickly, but I was excited for a change. All of this talk was starting to get me heated up. "I just love the thought of it" I added as my right hand casually made its way down my belly to the lace band of my underwear.
"What age do you want this guy to be?" she asked.
"I'd say over twenty for sure probably" I answered.
"Probably?" she questioned.
"As long as they are over eighteen" I responded.
"Have you ever thought about meeting a younger guy from the internet?" she asked.
"No not really, in fact I don't even do this a whole lot. You are probably one of the first I have ever considered talking to on the phone" I told her.
"Didn't you say your son just graduated? What about any of his friends? Are any of them cute enough? She asked.
"Well sure, but they are his friends and that would be awkward I think and Tyler would shoot me." I said to her. I wasn't thinking of any of his friends at all. The only one I was imagining this with was Tyler. I wanted to just blurt it out and tell her but wasn't quite sure what she would say if I brought it up, but daringly I did.
"You know I told you that being with a younger guy was my biggest fantasy but truth be told, it's actually not the biggest. It does involve being with a young guy and I'm sure you won't talk to me again after I tell you this." I said and then I hesitated to take a deep breath.
"Oh really...Do tell" she replied anxiously waiting to hear what I was about to tell her.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I felt lost in my own bed. My body was shaking nervously. My palms had begun to sweat. From head to toe I felt chilled. Was I really going to admit this to her...this complete stranger? Underneath the nervousness and chills, I liked this feeling. My body desired more of this excitement but I knew if I told her this, things would change the second I let it out.
"I actually have had a fantasy of Tyler before." I said and then I fell silent waiting for her to speak.
"Oh wow, are you being serious" she asked me.
Instantly I knew I shouldn't have told her and immediately regretted the decision. I knew I couldn't take it back and pretend I was joking. I did however try to play it off by explaining it was because of my depression from the separation.
"Tiffany, you wouldn't be the first woman to have sexual thoughts about her own son. Lots of mothers that are in your position go through it. I think it is very normal to have fantasies" she said as the feeling of instant relief rang throughout my body.
"You think so" I asked her.
"I know so. Would you ever act on it? She asked.
I hesitated to answer because honestly, I didn't even know the answer. I started to imagine the first time when I saw Tyler in a sexual manner. I noticed his muscles and imagined how amazing it would feel to lay in his arms and have him kiss me on my lips, and to feel his hands on my hips as I straddle him raising myself up and down on his erect penis. Or, laying there under his body with my legs opened wide for him as he penetrates in and out of me making love to me like his father use to.
"Tiff, you still there" she asked me.
Suddenly I snap back to our conversation "Ummm...I think I probably would try it...I think."
"I think you should do it" She suggested.
"How and.....How" I asked her with confusion
"I can help you. I only live a few minutes away. Why don't we arrange for a night when I can come over and we can meet and go from there and we can divvy up a plan" She said. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that since we just met. Even though this woman sounds very sweet and sincere, underneath it all there could lie a serial killer or an ex murderer.
"I tell you what. Lets meet for dinner tomorrow night and just talk first and then we will see what happens." I suggested.
"That's a deal" she responded. We set plans and we say our goodbyes. Our intent was to meet around 6pm after I get off of work the next day. I laid there quietly in bed not making a move or a peep for awhile thinking about everything. My feelings were mixed on the situation. I was excited that I had met Kimberly and her willingness to help me achieve my biggest fantasy but scared at the same time because I didn't really know her. I began to imagine Tyler laying in bed beside me, and in no time, I had stripped myself down to just my t-shirt and masturbated thinking about Tyler and as quickly as I started I finished with a larger than usual orgasm.
The next morning I was awoken to my alarm clock sounding off at 6am. I wished it was the weekend all over again. I hate Mondays, and always dreaded going to work. I forced myself up and hopped in the shower. I washed my hair and my body and shaved my legs. I normally don't shave my pubic region but keep it neatly trimmed, but today I desired the change. I was feeling sexy standing there in the shower and shaved myself entirely. I was putting on my clothes in my room when I heard Tyler come home. I finished dressing quickly and went to greet him as he was walking up the stairs leading up to his bedroom. Without thinking, I was running so fast that we stumbled and almost fell down the stairs. But he didn't care and neither did I. I planted a small kiss directly on his lips and held it there for a moment and when I released I bit my lower lip teasingly and said "Welcome back home baby. What do you want for breakfast?"
"Pancakes" He said with a cheesy smile.
"Pancakes it is for my man" I responded.
We made some small talk about the overnight graduation party while he escorted me arm and arm back down to the kitchen. I couldn't tell from his demeanor if he and Brittney had sex and I wasn't going to ask. I was curious though but decided to leave it alone. I didn't even really care to be honest. I was just happy to be alone with him for a few minutes before I had to set out to work.
"Hey sweetie, are you going to be home tonight." I asked him pouring the pancake batter on to the skillet.
"Yeah mom I should be, and Brittney has to work late, so yea I should be here." He replied back.
"Awesome" I said as I continued to pour. A few moments pass by and I mention to him how I am suppose to meet a girl friend for dinner and would be home shortly afterwards. He didn't really seem to care, but if only he knew the entire story behind our dinner it may change his mind a little I think.
"Hey is 'The Voice' on tonight?" I asked.
"I believe so" he answered. I smiled and turned away from finishing up the first pancake while trying to retrieve a plate from the cabinet. "I have to go finish getting ready. There is a lot more batter so start whipping up some more pancakes if you'd like" I said to him and walked my way back up the stairs towards my bedroom. My mood was good if I was glowing. Today may turn out to be a great day after all.
Kimberly and I spent half of the day texting back and forth, mostly chatting about my son Tyler making the day go by quickly. She seemed as into the idea of Tyler and I having sex as much as I was. Maybe she has never had a friend like me and it excited her just as much. Who knows? But I was really looking forward to meeting her for dinner and especially meeting her in person.
My work day ended at little before 6 and I grabbed my belongings and went to meet her. I arrived first and shortly after, she pulled up in her car and parked next to me. At first glance, she appeared to be a slender woman with long blonde hair, about the same height as me, and was very pretty. We greeted each other with a hug and walked our way inside. The hostess led us to a table near the bar and both of us ordered a drink and our dinner. We engaged in typical women conversation for a little while before we got down to the dirty. She asked me again if I was sure that I wanted to go through with "the situation," and I admitted to her that I was up for it. She told me that she would be texting me a lot tonight in support and guidance if I needed any from her, but first she wanted to meet him. I told her she could come to the house on the way home and she gladly accepted my offer.
As we sat there for a little while I started to just really take her in. I love this woman so far and I was very happy to have met her and relieved to know she isn't some sort of murderer. As much as she wants to help me with his fantasy of mine, she didn't appear like she was the type. But then again, do I look like I am the type that would do this? I am average looking. I am barely 5 ft 2 inches tall and have recently cut my hair to just below my shoulders. I can barely pull it back into a pony tail and I need to when I exercise. Like Tyler, I have a natural tan, and I typically always have a fresh pedicure and manicure but right now I was kind of slacking. I'd say my best physical feature would be my legs due to my exercising and running and they are very tone. After that, my best feature would be my hips and abdomen region. Being an older woman, I try to keep in great shape and take good care of my body. My breast are a little on the smaller side. I have a 34b, but there isn't much I can do about them, but I don't hate them.
After dinner was over, we left and she followed me to my house, walked inside and I introduced her to Tyler. For a little while we sat in the living room watching "The Voice" when I got up and walked into the kitchen to pour myself a glass of Sangria. Shortly after I walked in and closed the refrigerator, Kimberly was behind me standing there and it startled me when I turned to see her standing there.
"You are right, he is such a cutie. I am going to let you both alone and enjoy each other but I am going to send you some text messages in a little while just to lighten the mood and help you out. That way he will never know anything. Ok?" she said looking at me in a quiet voice.
"Ok" I said smiling at her and taking a sip of my cold beverage.
We walked past Tyler and I escorted her out of the door. "I'll talk to you later" I shouted to her as she walked away towards her car and I shut the door. I walked my way back to the couch and sat down next to Tyler who was focusing on the television. "You friend is really pretty" he said.
"Yeah she is, and she lives right down the road so we may be seeing more of her." I said to him.
Shortly after Kimberly left I felt my phone vibrating in the palm of my head and sure enough it was a text message from her that read "You're going to get lucky tonight." Immediately I started to get nervous again but I wanted this to happen and I was happy that I had the support of her. I didn't respond back to her immediately but eventually I did.
"I hope so, but I am very nervous." I wrote back
"Don't be, it will be ok and it will be worth it" she responded almost instantly.
"We are just sitting here and he is beside me still, just watching TV." I wrote to her trying to detail the current setting. I kept looking down at Tyler's legs and his feet and just knew that possibly in a short time I could be kneeling down in front of him, pushing his legs apart and leaning over to taste him.