- Erotic Poetry
- a night remembered
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Click hereA night of delight.....
My lover you are here I exclaim excited
Come for fun you will be delighted
I step in close and fast creating an air of lust
I stare deep into her eyes before examining her bust
That single appraisal, displaying my needs
She shudders slightly and almost pleads
I don't allow her any time or chance
For now has begun our sexual dance
I command her with my body, before I voice a thing
I place my hands on her so she knows what I do bring
The power emanating from my thick, strong hands
Has her knees go weak as rubber bands
I stare again into her eyes and demand that she will strip
She hesitates, so I tear her pants from her and notice she does drip
A small whimper escapes her ruby lips
As I continue ripping all her clothes to bits
Till finally I have her as we both want her to be
Naked, her body quivering a delight for me to see
There she was clothes all gone standing before me
A whimper; she trembles but the lust is running free
I lean down and pick up her decimated g-string
And tie it around her mouth silencing almost everything
Staring deep and hard into her eyes
I reach down and attempt to spread her thighs
She resists by closing her legs the slightest little bit
I can tell she’s begging now, demanding to be hit
I smile a smile of sweet lust sated
I spank her hand a little agitated
How dare you brush aside my hand like that
You will be punished you spoilt little brat
I take out my whip for such an infraction
I can see in her body she approves the action
I walk around her inspecting her white ass all bare
Appraising everything her pussy with no hair
She moans a little and tries to hide her bits
I whip her for trying to cover her tits
A sharp ringing slap, she cries out her shock
You will not hide that or I’ll make you suck my cock
I bet you would like that you filthy little flirt
I intend to take you outside a fuck you in the dirt
Nothing you can say about that with your filthy mouth all shut
I reach out my hand and caress the cheeks of her butt
I whip it hard just to watch the blush
I caress her hair and whisper to her shush
Thin strips of red begin to line her hot and sexy arse
As I whip it she gets no mercy or the slightest pass
Taking pleasure in her moaning, I am in control
Knowing she is my slave I will possess her soul
Tears start streaming down her pale white face
I whip her on her most sensitive little place
She senses the power emanating from me
She surrenders a little more I bend her over my knee
A hard ringing slap upon her tortured bum
Now that it is red I'll tease her, by ramming in my thumb
Head thrown back as my thumb it parts her mound
Fuck she screams out with a hissing sound
Not expecting to be rammed that hard and deep
The shock into her system almost makes her weep
Then wriggling my thumb inside I find what I do seek
I apply the perfect pressure and her knees are going weak
Angling my thumb downward I hit upon her spot
I pull her by hair she screams like she's been shot
I smash my thumb down on that perfect little thing
Not long now before her cumming will begin
Harder I do work it coz I am a man that know what is up
I want to see her squirt her juice, I want to fill a cup
Downward I pressure and harder I do slam
Wrenching back her head, her pussy I still cram
Cum for me now you filthy dirty beast
I whisper into her ear knowing she will release
Screaming now she manages to ride my fucking thumb
Working into a frenzy forcing herself to cum
Oh my god she screams as her knees are giving out
Twitching and a cumming she manages to shout
Smiling a smile of seduction and temptuos delight
I watch her body convulsing it is a magical sort of sight
I do not stop my pounding in her sopping hole
A squirt is my mission, my objective and my goal
Cum for me Tamara I whisper in her ear
Nothing I am doing is anything you should fear
Raising up her head she grinds against my thumb
Now that she has had a taste she surely wants to cum
I have uncaged a tiger an inner slutty beast
Now another orgasm is demanding its release
That’s it keep it up you need to cum real soon
I can tell from her breathing it's going to make her swoon
I twist her head to me and kiss her on the mouth
A kiss full of passion all of it heading south
She opens her mouth against mine as she totally cums once more
Throwing herself from my thumb she squirts her juices all upon the floor
Quivering panting and now her body spent
I push her from my knee, her pussy I have rent
- COMMENTS
Matryoshkaalmost 10 years agoI would have a critique if I wasn't speechless. I feel like I just got off a roller coaster. I'll have to read it a few times to numb the poem's affects before I can look beyond for suggestions...wow. 5ed
Tsothaabout 10 years agoTod, I honestly do not know if poems NEED to have metaphors, and similes, and so on. In my humble opinion, these are just tools, not things that immediately make your poem better. They are things you use to reach a certain goal (the goal is communicating something to the reader; you can TRY to lead the reader down a certain path, but not force him).
Could your poem be more "complex", that is, wrought with more poetry "tools"? Sure, any poem can be made more complex. If, however, what you were aiming for was a well-described scene, you've done it. That was interesting and quite evocative. :) I'll tell you again and again, until you believe me: you're great with this raw, evocative side of writing. I feel that, for poetry, you just need to channel it.
Ok, so, some specifics. The couplets make me get into a sing-song rhythm (which keeps me moving forward, always forward). However, at the same time, some lines read too long and some lines read too short. I'm sure there is some theory behind it that could explain why I feel this (metre, perhaps?).
I also thought your use of punctuation wasn't entirely coherent (for *my* taste). Personally, I go for either no punctuation at all, or far too much punctuation (at least, I feel it's too much punctuation, in which case it might break reading too much). In your case, what I mean is that there are places where you could have dismissed punctuation, but used it, and places where it was absolutely necessary (again, IMHO) and it was missing. If you want, I can send you a message pointing out what I mean about the punctuation.
I liked this, Tod — the *content* was interesting, and at the end of the day, it's what I care about the most. Everything around the content is supposed to support it, not obscure it.
Loganseroticaalmost 11 years agoWe are both works in progress. Keep up the good work and remember everyone needs a good friend, an enemy, and critics. Together they make us well rounded individuals.
todski28almost 11 years agoAuthorThanks for the feed back, I will take it on board and aim for better next time.
SweetOblivionalmost 11 years agobut you lack any originality - think about your sensual descriptions - try similes, metaphors and synonyms to disguise the obvious. All of your verses cover ground that have been covered a million times before, alas. S.O.
