A Real Bad Day!byUncle Pervey©
When the "Bum" woke up, and began his day,
Just like some street people tend to do.
He let a big one rip, and filled his pants,
It was lumpy wet, and stinky "Phew!"
He thought that this just might be a bad day,
Beginning with him crapping his pants.
But the Bum was always optimistic,
So he thought he'd take another chance.
The ground was real wet from the night before,
He made it to the curb with no fuss,
He got that shit washed out with his first bath,
By a puddle-splashing downtown bus!
He went down to where his breakfast was served,
The rushed server over-shot his tray.
The Bum got hot porridge inside his pants,
And screaming, he jumped around, and brayed!
The poor Bum just knew he was burning up,
He felt like he'd got a touch of Hell.
That hot bubbling oatmeal sure did burn,
The Bum was like a "Dervish" with yells!
They cooled down his heat with a handy hose,
And managed to get his fire put out.
But his bad luck wasn't over just yet,
He heard screams from the street, and a shout!
"Hey in there, watch out for the foaming dog,"
Be careful, he just went in the door!"
The Bum was frozen in fear where he stood,
He fainted, and his ass hit the floor!
The mad dog stumbled, to where he was at,
And slurped his face, with a dog's good cheer.
The old Bum said, "This dog ain't mad he's drunk,"
That white stuff there, is just foaming beer!
But once again his pants were full of shit,
He'd never been scared that bad before.
The hose was handy, so they hosed him down,
But before that, threw him out the door!
He felt like he'd been bathed in Niagra,
He was feeling angry, and incensed!
When he stood, he knew he was water-logged,
He felt he'd been thoroughly condensed!
He was soaking again, but with no smell,
They'd hosed him, and washed away his shit,
He grumbled, "This day can go plumb to Hell,
And turned back home with a yell, "I quit!!"