- Erotic Poetry
- A Refrain for Triona
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Click hereNo other autumn days ought to be as lovely
Or as vivid as those days in the mist
When the leaves that fell upon your breasts
Matched the thatch between your thighs
Or the chestnut glint in your eyes before we kissed
When we would hold each other in the ferns
Naked in the freezing air, daring the cold
As a pair, so afraid of discovery
That we crept each day into the woods
Just so we could feel each other's touch.
Almost a season passed before the secrets severed what was sweetest
Before you ceased to love me.
Eventually though, time creases all the memories most unfolded,
Softening them somehow and I'm much older now
Alone so much of the time
So much of the time
I could still just wish I could feel your skin against mine.
Dedicated to all the girls in my past would have been.
- COMMENTS
twelveooneover 13 years ago/...the secrets severed what was sweetest
Before you ceased../ is killer, very good, first rate
/Eventually though, time creases all the memories most unfolded,/
/Softening them somehow and I'm much older now/ is not, "creases all the memories most unfolded," sounds awkward
I feel you would be far better off to concentrate on weeding verbiage, you have the writing part down pat.
