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Click hereThe morning's snow gave way to sleet.
The sleet then turned to rain.
Dark clouds hung low, soon to defeat
the hope that sun might gain
a perch upon the grey coastline,
that's blurred.
The spray dictates...
a misted view with whipped-up brine.
Gulls' raucous cries just grate
upon the ears of those who walk
along the coastal way.
The howling gale has killed all talk
with violent storms all day.
So, close your eyes
and brace yourself,
waves crash on new rockfall.
And think, once home,
you'll have a wealth
of tales to tell them all.
lovely, thought-porvoking, evocative...
what more can you want?
1201's right.
I don't know if it was intentional or intuitive, but I like your use of syntax here, something which I don't think gets alot of discussion when it comes to craft. I liked the nice balance of sentence length. When combined with good line breaks and well placed punctuation, it gives it a nice flow with occasional pause, all of which add something to the poem IMO. Nicely done.
to see if if could say anything constructive, or destructive, or instructive. This is nice, nice change up, for you, and from the rest of the stuff that surrounds,It kind of annoys me, the amount of people that think poetry isn't work. This shows work. For those interested, look at where, how and what rhymes.
5ed
with no hedges