tagCelebrities & Fan FictionAdventures of Hollywood Jim Ch. 05

Adventures of Hollywood Jim Ch. 05


Even though Chris' business was going great guns, he was still on the prowl for new assignments or contracts. Going out to hot clubs in LA was one method he used. I hated it, believe it or not. I was never a club maven so doing a nightly crawl of some hot spot was never my idea of fun. They were always too loud, too crowded, and loaded with drunks who always spilled their drinks on me. It was never girls who did this, only guys. But Chris was my friend and without him I'd still be back east playing the "what if" game. For Chris, these adventures were more than just business. As I found out later, they worked as a great tax deduction for him. And if there was anything I knew about him, it was that he always had an angle he could work to make himself come out the winner. And those who came along for the ride (i.e. me) were guaranteed a good time, either financially or romantically. This went back to our days in high school when he figured out a way to put a spy cam in the opposing cheerleaders' locker room. And sell the photos he took. He made a nice profit on that, even split the cash with me. Although the football team and the school administration put a price on the head of whoever set this up. That's a secret we left town with.

This time, it was a new club called the Red Light District. Chris knew the owner of the place, and naturally our names on the guest list were a guarantee. I had driven by the club a few times at night and it looked like the kind of place I dreaded. Strobe lights seemed to be on all the time, until I found out it was really flashbulbs. From photographers clamoring for a shot of whatever celeb visited.

"Oh come on pal!" Chris said "you've hardly ever gone out anywhere with me since you first arrived. This is a direct order from a superior officer! You WILL go with me to the Red Light District tonight!"

"Who are you trying to be now? Captain Kirk?" I replied

"No, just a friend," He said "As well as your employer."

I hesitated, but I knew he had a point. Usually my nights were spent with ESPN and "Seinfeld" reruns. The night with Paris was a different story.

"Come on, 2 drinks, a little star gazing, and you'll have fulfilled your requirements with me. And you can always deduct it on your taxes."

He was persuasive, as always.

"OK, deal." I agreed.

The club was everything I'd expected, and dreaded. When we went in, there was a gaggle of photogs snapping at random. Chris spotted the owner, Derek Adams. And he immediately started chatting up the guy. I could barely hear a thing they said between the thumping music (I think there was a Rhianna song in there somewhere) and the crowd in the bar cheering on a Lakers game. As if that wasn't enough, suddenly the strobe lights went into overdrive and there was a massive amount of yelling. Derek took off for the door.

"What's going on?" I asked Chris

"I'm not sure, but it must be somebody big if he's taking care of it." Chris replied.

Derek returned, straightened his Armani jacket, and resumed his conversation with Chris.

"What happened?" I asked Derek.

"Oh, Lindsay and Samantha just came in. They got into a tussle with the guys outside. And I think they're fighting with each other again. It always happens." He casually replied.

"Lindsay?" I asked.

"Uh, Lohan." Derek looked at me as if I'd just arrived from Mars.

"Get with it, man!" an annoyed Chris said, elbowing me in the arm.

"Oh, right, yeah I know!" I said.

"I've got them up in the V.I.P. room, maybe they'll cool off there." Derek said.

Chris and Derek went back to talking shop and I went looking for a drink. The line at the bar was 3 deep, and I was getting shoved around in the process of trying to order a beer. When I finally got one, it was in my hands for about 10 seconds before some fat guy fell into me, knocked the bottle from my hand, shattering it on the floor and on my pants. The guy regained his balance and slurred out;

"Sorry, man. Lemme getcha another one." I think it was the fat guy from the "Knocked Up" movies. But I was too annoyed to find out for sure as he walked away, laughing.

That did it for me!

I went over to Chris, who was now joined by 2 buxom beauties. I held up my phone and yelled that I had to take a call outside, where the reception was better.

I was lying. I just wanted to go home.

As I got closer to the door, I could hear screaming and glass breaking from an adjoining area. The music was too loud for me to tell for sure what was being said. But it seemed pretty heated. Then a thin girl with dirty blonde hair stormed out of the room, heading for the front door, nearly bowling me over.

"Yeah, you do that bitch!" the blonde turned and screamed.

I could see into the V.I.P room. It looked like a bomb had gone off in there. A security guy quickly blocked my view, but I could see a red haired beauty nearly in tears as she screamed out various things to whoever was in earshot. I guess that was Ms. Lohan.

I wished I hadn't seen her that way. I always thought she was quite pretty.

I calmly walked out of the club toward my Accord. As I put the key in the ignition, I was nearly blinded by a thousand little lights. The paparazzi had followed Lindsay out of the club as she tried to run for her Mercedes. And now I was blocked in. I had no choice but to wait until she drove off. When she squealed out of the lot, I drove off, more calmly.

I remembered what Chris once said about the paparazzi, and boy, was he was ever right.

But I also knew that right now, I was starving. The food at Red Light seemed to be non-existent. So Burger King was calling my name! But at this late hour, finding one was a problem. When I finally found one that was open, it was after 2 in the morning. But luckily it was largely empty, so getting an order wouldn't be a problem.

As I waited in line, there was a disheveled-looking girl wearing aviator sunglasses, jeans, an old t-shirt and baseball cap at the counter arguing with the cashier about her order. Apparently she didn't have enough cash to pay for it, and they didn't take credit cards.

"Come on! I just want a freakin' burger! Can't you handle this? I have the cash at home, I can pay you in like an hour!" she said in a raspy voice, sounding desperate.

The cashier wasn't budging, and the manager seemed ready to call Police. Things only got worse when a punkish photographer wandered in, realized the situation and started snapping pictures. This set the girl off even further, she tried to be calm, knowing cameras never blink.

I watched all this with more and more disdain. I finally stood in front of his camera and said;

"Excuse me;" I said calmly to the photog "isn't that one of those new Nikons?"

"Yeah, so?" he replied with attitude.

"I think you have it setup wrong, I have the same one and there's supposed to be an indicator light on, yours isn't. None of those photos are gonna come out." I explained. He stopped shooting for a minute and looked at his camera.

"I do a lot of the same work as you. It's a great camera but that lights gotta be on, man." I continued.

"What do you mean? Where is it?" he began turning his camera around and around.

"Here, let me show you," I took the camera from him and pointed to a button on the side "see, right here is where it is and..."


At that moment I pressed a button that popped out the memory card. I then did a quick juggle with it and it sailed into the condiments bar.

"Oh, my God!" I said.

I ran over to it, cleverly moving it under the ketchup and mustard dispensers. Before the photog could stop me, I pushed down and a huge squirt of ketchup and mustard "accidentally" drenched the memory card. All the while pretending I was just a clumsy guy.

"Oh, I am so sorry, that suckers ruined, maybe if you wash it off it'll be OK." I said, trying to be helpful.

"You fuckin' idiot!" he screamed "I'm gonna sue your ass! And you witnessed this! It's all on those cameras!" he pointed to the security cameras as he yelled at the Burger King staff. But the manager ordered the guy to leave and he stormed out.

The disheveled girl had stood watching all this with a mix of fascination and admiration. She began to smile at how this whole scene had unfolded. I turned to the cashier and said;

"Uh, how much does she owe? Could you add her meal to mine?" I said reaching into my wallet and with a calmer tone than what had just left.

"Oh, no, please! You don't have to do that." The girl said.

"No, no, it's the least I can do," I insisted. "Geez, they'll sell anybody a camera these days." I said shaking my head with weary disgust.

"I guess so." She replied, smiling and sliding down her aviators to look at me better.

I paid for both meals and went over to a table. She took hers and went to one facing me. Removing her glasses, she leaned over in my direction and whispered;

"Thank you so much! I'll send you the money."

"Oh come on! You don't have to. Just say that, uh, some nice guy bought you dinner tonight." I said.

She chuckled at my attempt at charm.

"I'm Jim, by the way." As I offered her my hand.

"Lindsay, Lindsay Lohan." She replied.

"Pleased to meet you, Lindsay." I said.

"I'm really sorry you had to see that, I've had a really crappy night and this just made it worse. Plus I didn't get to my ATM today and, ugh, it's just a bad day." She explained. Just then her phone rang.

"And this dumb thing won't stop ringing!" she growled.

"Yes, but how has this day REALLY been for you?" I said with mock-seriousness.

"Not very good!" she laughed in response.

She removed the ball cap and a thick head of titian red hair cascaded out. I now truly realized that this was the real "Lindsay" in front of me.

Time to play it cool, Hollywood.

The hair had suddenly transformed her into this casually gorgeous girl with a vintage Aerosmith shirt and faded jeans.

Like I said; "Time to play it cool, Hollywood."

"That's a neat trick you did with that camera. How'd you know where that button was?" she asked.

"What button?" I replied.

We both stared at one another and then laughed.

"I knew where it was, and I really do use the same camera. The release button is the same on all of them." I said.

"I just hope he really doesn't sue you." Lindsay replied.

"It's his word against mine, doesn't look like he has too many allies in here." I said looking around.

Lindsay casually munched on her fries and a Coke, watching me all the while. I was trying to hide my tendency to wolf down the cheeseburgers.

"So what do you do, Jim?" she asked

"Well, I hope you're not offended." I slowly replied.

"Offended by what?"

"Well, I work for a photographer, a real one, one who doesn't chase people down streets. The kind who takes 'real' pictures." I explained.

"Oh! I see." She replied

"I was hoping you'd say that." I said, relieved that my time with her hadn't just ended.

"I went to school with the guy I work with, and he offered me a job with him, so here I am," I paused "in a Burger King at 2 AM with Lindsay Lohan."

She laughed heartily. Her smoky voice and laugh were such a turn-on.

"Hey, it's the place to be!" she responded, laughing more.

Once again, I had that weird feeling. I was sitting across and talking to a Hollywood beauty like she was an old friend from back east. I also had that empty feeling of "what do I say now?"

Luckily, Lindsay took the initiative.

"Where are you going from here?" she asked.

"Home, I guess. My partner's probably still at that club." I replied.

"Which one?" she asked.

"'The Red Light District'." I said

"Oh! No way am I going back there!" she said firmly.

"Me neither. I'm not a club guy anyway." I said

"Really? So, what kind of guy are you?" she slowly asked with a sly smile.

I thought for a long time.

"You know, I never thought about that. I'm always the guy who gets his drink spilled on him, places are too crowded anyway." I said

"Why don't we go for some coffee?" she offered.

"Is there any place open at this time?" I wondered.

"Hmm, probably not now that you mention it." She said.

"Well, uh, I have coffee at my place." I said, hesitantly.

"Where's that?" she asked.

"Off the Beach Roads area, do you know it?" I said.

"Why don't I just follow you there." She suggested.

"Good thinking!" I said.

And we were off. My old Accord was being followed by her new Mercedes CLS-550 coupe. I kept my eyes on the rearview mirror, and my mind focused on what might just occur tonight, or should I say this morning as it was close to 3 AM now.

We got to my place with no trouble. She's a better driver than what's been said. I was just glad I wasn't the bad driver. And that I'd bothered to tidy up my place. I won't go into too much detail about it, but it works very well for me. As we got in the door, Smokie, my cat was meowing his greeting to us.

"Oh! You've got a cat! Oh, what a beauty! Hi, there!" she said sweetly as she crouched down and stroked his head.

"What's his name?" she asked

"Smokie. Let me get the coffee going." I replied as I headed for the kitchen to refill his food dish and start the coffee.

"Hi, Smokie, Hi darling. You're so pretty." She continued in that sweet tone of voice.

She walked around my place, checking out the vintage music posters on the walls. There were few lights on, and the lack thereof gave the place a bit more of an intimate feel. Even in darkness.

"This is a neat place," She said looking around "I love these posters!" she asked

"Thanks, it's crummy but its home." I joked

"It's not crummy!" she countered with a smile.

She slowly walked into my kitchen, holding Smokie, who was clearly purring. I'd be too if I was him!

"I love your cat, Jim." She said with another smile.

"Thanks. I think he loves you too. He's, uh, my best friend." I slowly replied.

"Well, we all need those, right?" she said a little softer, looking into my eyes.

"Yes, we do." I replied, softly as well.

We stared at one another, and the smell of the coffee brought us back.

"Uh, cream and sugar for you?" I asked

"Right. Not too much." She replied.

We took our cups back into the main room.

It was just starting to rain outside.

We sat on the couch. She was seated relatively close to me. There were only 2 lights on, so the rest of the condo was dark. As if no one was home.

"What made you come out here, anyway?" Lindsay asked

"My friend has his business, and we've known each other forever. So I finally took him up on his offer to come out here. What about you?" I asked.

"Oh, let's see, I guess I just had stars in my eyes my whole life." She said wistfully.

"You still do. They're just a little brighter now." I replied.

"Thank you, Jim." She said sweetly

I put my coffee down and moved in a little closer, she did the same. And we kissed. Softly first, then a bit deeper.

"Wow, that was nice." She said softly.

"I liked it too." I replied.

We kissed again, deeper still. Her tongue felt so slick and soft. With her eyes closed, she looked like she was in heaven. There was such a look of passion on her face. When her eyes opened again, she was beaming.

"Oh, that was nice, baby!" she said happily.

She moved in and embraced me. Her body felt so warm against mine. I kissed her neck and she slowly threw her head back and sighed. Her eyes were closed as I kissed her. I now moved my hands down to her sides, and then to her tits. She gave no resistance and it seemed like she wasn't wearing a bra either. So her gorgeous chest was now in my hands, and her nipples began to harden too. She had dipped her head down and began whispering in my ear with that smoky voice of hers;

"Ohh, baby, yes, Mmmm, I like what you're doing, honey."

Her hands began to rub my chest and work their way inside my shirt. She knew what I was doing felt good, but she had a more practical idea in mind.

"Honey, let's go in your bedroom, it'll be more comfortable there." She whispered calmly.

"Yes, OK." I responded, calmly, but also nervously.

She was barely holding my hand as I led her up the stairs to my bedroom. I flicked on a light and she slowly pulled me toward her and we kissed again.

"Where's your bathroom, honey?" she asked.

"Oh, down the hallway, on the right." I pointed out to the hallway.

She disappeared for a moment as I kicked off my sneakers.

I took a deep breath, wondering what was in store for me. I had a Hollywood beauty in my home. I truly was not in Kansas anymore, Or in Connecticut for that matter. A steady rain was now falling outside.

"Hey, baby."

I turned around and Lindsay had reappeared in the doorway, wearing only a pair of black panties.

She appeared shy at being seen this way, so she covered herself slightly saying in a soft voice;


I was speechless, to say the least.

"Hello, beautiful." I replied softly

But I could tell she was shy being seen like this.

Her body looked stunning. Her red hair cascaded over her shoulders and just above her breasts. And those were stunning too. With her fair complexion, they were large, light-skinned, slightly freckled, globes with pink nipples. There was absolutely no sag, whatsoever. I beckoned her over to me and she hesitantly responded. We held each other and kissed again. She rested her head on my chest.

"This is so nice." She said looking up at me.

"I like it too." I replied.

She reached down and pulled my shirt over my head, feeling her tits against my chest felt incredible. I reached around and felt her through the thin material of her panties, then reached under them and felt her ass. It was smooth, soft and curvy.

"Oh, yes, that feels good." She moaned.

Her hands had found their way to my belt as she looked down and began unbuckling my pants. She felt her way inside my underwear and found my dick, now responding to her touches.

"Mmmm, nice." She said softly.

"Let me help you." I said as I pulled my pants down and she saw my dick fully.

"Wow! I like it!" she said with a smile.

My dick was rubbing against the material of her panties.

"Can I take your panties off?" I whispered in her ear.

"Yes, please." She replied, just as softly.

I slowly kneeled down, kissing her belly as I worked my way down.

Her panties were of a sheer black material. I kissed the material and rubbed my hand on them, there was an enormous amount of moist heat underneath them. It almost seemed to radiate from them. I slowly slid them down to reveal a perfectly shaved pussy with a small landing strip above. Her pussy hair was a flaming red as well. I softly kissed the hair and then softly kissed the area around her pussy. The gates to her love nest seem to slowly open the more I kissed them. And Lindsay was now breathing heavily and her body shuddered. I looked up at her tits as they jutted out like twin mountain peaks, occasionally rolling back as Lindsay's head went back in ecstasy.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Yes! Yes! Uh-God!" she screamed.

My tongue hadn't even penetrated her and she was already in orgasm. Just from my kisses.

Her hands were going through my hair now.

"Hang on a second, let me catch my breath." She said breathlessly.

"OK, yes." I replied.

We experienced a fully naked kiss.

I took her over to my bed where we lay down beside one another.

We both looked into one another's eyes and I caressed her body. Moving my hands along her hips and caressing them. She smiled widely all along, and responded by caressing my face.

"Oh my God, Jim that feels so good what you're doing." She said.

"I love what you're doing too." I answered.

She slowly pushed me on my back.

"It's my turn, now." She said in that sexy rasp of a voice.

She kissed me on my cheek, then lips, then my chin, ever so softly.

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