- Non-Erotic Poetry
- All The Next Hellos
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He is the one who
Leans against memory
A scorched brand
Imprint
And you weigh and balance
All the next hellos
Against his invisible bookmark
Doesn’t matter which break in the road
Took him away
Crumbling up roots
That held your life
Or that all the next hellos
Never measure on the scale
At least none you will see, anyway
- COMMENTS
yygirlalmost 17 years agoSometimes the words just "click" and they come out on their own. No need to edit. I really like it.
TheRainManabout 18 years ago. . .is the most interesting poem I've read from you. The first reading made me want to read it again, more closely.
IMO, Fly's advice is excellent. I think the verb "crumble" is not the best one in that spot and should be replaced with one that jives better with "roots." Also, I think the last line is weakening to the poem as a whole and shoud be removed.
Nice reading.
Anonymousabout 18 years agoGood use of metaphor throughout. The last line seems superfluous-- the poem ends very well before it. I'm also not sure about "crumble" with "roots".
Thanks for sharing.
Fly
