Awakening

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129 words
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Awakening

Gooseflesh builds at the neck's nape
Moments before a pregnant pause
Filling the void of all that is
Resonating silently throughout time

The tingling builds and courses
Devouring all in its helpless path
Bringing everything into brilliant focus
Suddenly exploding like fireworks

Her body collapses in submission
Head falling tenderly upon his chest
Heart pounding with a blissful tempo
Smiling deeply into his warm musk

Suspended in a vacuum's silence
Floating like a billowing white cloud
Rapturous in the perfumes of spent lust
Passion's rivulets cascading down soft thighs

Butterfly kisses tease her alert ear
Awakening her thirst and hunger
Wanting and needing absolute fulfillment
Like a lone flower in the desert's sun

An Original Composition by:
Quivering Quill
A Scribbles & Doodles Creation
All Rights Reserved

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6 Comments
Ashesh9Ashesh9almost 11 years ago
QQ , upto the point of built-up expectations rising into a typhoonic Crescendo of--

delicious , suspense passion everything is gooood ! the anti-climax whether in real life or here is a devastatin' let down ! 5-ed .

HarryHillHarryHillalmost 11 years ago
Starting to get lean QQ

Want to change that last line to..

Like a lone flower in the desert needs rain

Quivering_QuillQuivering_Quillalmost 11 years agoAuthor
Thanks

For all your comments..... but, specifically for taking the time to read and reply... QQ

greenmountaineergreenmountaineeralmost 11 years ago

Nicely done. You might want to think about fewer gerunds. You most likely could substitute word combinations without adding substantially to line length or the sound of a given line. For example, "Awakening her thirst and hunger/Wanting and needing absolute fulfillment" can be written differently.

twelveoonetwelveoonealmost 11 years ago
5ed

quite an improvement, o praise god or dog, no rhymin coups!

next step

exploding - why not explodes?

Awakening - awakes?, etc. if you have a reason, fine, if not question every word, word ending

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