Babydoll Ch. 11byThe Fantasizer©
I know, I know... It has been too long. Please forgive me. The last few years, life has been really hectic. As you know, I am not a professional writer. This has been a hobby and it is down the list of priorities. I want to thank everyone for the appreciation that they have shown me over the years. I am grateful for any and all comments and feedback , whether positive or negative. I have enjoyed writing this series and the story I am weaving simply can't be rushed. In reading the feedback, I know that some have really enjoyed the series and some haven't. Some have enjoyed the twists and turns and some haven't. Like the saying goes about pleasing some of the people versus all of the people. If you write stories, you have to first and foremost please yourself or the story becomes mechanical and dull. I want each of these stories to have meaning – I hope that they do.
Of course these are fictional accounts, any likenesses or similarities are purely coincidental. Please read the previous chapters, if you haven't. This is a taboo topic, so I know that it is offensive to many people. The material is erotic to me because it is forbidden in society. In no way do I condone such activity. This is purely fantasy. Hope you enjoy the fantasy. Your feedback is appreciated.
Babydoll Ch. 11 – Thanksgiving - Homecumming with the family
Eight long months had passed since that March day when my world had fallen apart. That day I had ran out of my mother's room distraught and in a fog. Have you ever felt that kind of overwhelming confusion? I was enveloped in loss and depression; lamenting in my own bewilderment. How could I have allowed this all to happen? I had lost everything. I quickly threw on some clothes, grabbed my wallet and keys and was gone 20 minutes after all of my philandering shame had been exposed.
My mother ran after me in the beginning. I don't remember much other than her pounding on my bedroom door as I threw clothes in my bags. She pleaded and cried, as she told me how sorry she was and begged me to open the door and talk to her. Within a couple of minutes, I slung the door open and in one swift motion made my escape running by her without acknowledgment; jumping in my car and speeding off. Immediately, my cell phone began ringing. I saw that it was her number and I turned it completely off, as I drove down the Interstate back to school. My mind was flooded with a torrent of emotions and memories, skipping around like a pinball machine. I really don't know how I drove. Tears of anguish turned to dull shock and then screaming until I finally made my way back to my apartment.
I immediately went into a funk. I stayed in my room and really didn't eat, bathe or shave for the rest of that week. Jill finally came looking for me that weekend. I hadn't talked to her, since a couple of days before the incident. When I opened the door, she looked really concerned as she saw the disrepair that I had fallen into. She asked why I hadn't been answering my cell phone. I told her that I had lost it, but I don't think I was very convincing. She was persistent in asking what was up and even through my denials she insisted that she knew something was wrong. She tried to comfort me with her beautiful warmth and friendship, but there was no way that I could ever answer her questions. She would not accept my disillusion and she did everything in her power to pull me out of the mourning that I would not admit to.
Through Jill's determination, I finally came to the realization that I could not throw away my life. I had to get it together and move forward with my education and career path. I once again went into study mode and Jill was still my partner as we moved forward together in our studies. She was right there at my side. I had to be grateful, but there was just something that was keeping me from making any kind of permanent commitment as the weeks went by.
After about a month, we eventually did make love. I did feel a sense of companionship with this woman, but it just wasn't the same. I think she could feel the distance, but it was obvious that she really did care for me and didn't want to give up on me; so she stayed by my side through the thick and the thin throughout the subsequent months.
I will tell you that Jill is a very pretty girl; man would say she's a cutie. She has brown hair with highlights and a dimpled grin that reaches the sky. Her body is tight. She's about 5'6"and 130 pounds with a athletic physique. There is no curvaceousness, like with the women in my family, but she is what I would describe as a very feminine Tomboy. She's a year younger than me and I'd say that she's more mature mentally and emotionally than most women and men our age.
Spring led to summer and beach time, but I just was not enjoying life. I was not prospering in happiness. It was just about fulfilling my obligation to get the education that my grandfather had insisted that I have.
My mother continued to call and leave messages, but I never returned them. Somewhere deep in my soul, I always hoped that Ashley would call, but in my conscious thoughts I convinced myself that the chasm that had been created was irreconcilable. Don't ever think that I was putting Ashley in my past. There is no way that I ever could have. She is the person I felt bound to. The woman I felt I belonged with. She was in my heart and soul and I always craved her.
My grandparents even came and visited me around the Fourth of July. They were oblivious to what was going on and they wondered when I was coming home for summer. I lied to them and dismissed the notion as I told them that I was busy with summer classes and devoted to the pursuit of the goal. And I was, but that was not the real reason. I just couldn't go back home to face the music. I couldn't face the consequences of what had happened and how could one expect me to. It burdened me deeply. This was a dark secret that could not be exposed, the secret taboo.
Even on my birthday, I had hoped that Ash would call, but she didn't. Jill and I went out and I went through the motions of my birthday celebration and I think that she could really tell that I was suffering from some sort of distant depression. She kept asking me what was wrong, but there was no way that I could tell her. Through all of this she remained supportive. We made good love that night, but the whole time I was thinking of Ashley.
At a point in time, it must've been late August - early September, Jill asked me about my mother. I think over time she put two and two together and realized that there had to be some distance between my mother and I. I told her that it really wasn't anything. She let me know, I guess it was female intuition, she knew there had been some sort quarrel that had taken place back at Spring Break. When she told me this, I chuckled a little, and told her that I was amazed by her sixth sense. Yes, she was right, my mother and I had a disagreement at that time.
Jill tried to dig in further, but I told her that I didn't really want to talk about it. I think she could sense that it was something that I really didn't want to go over and that it was best to just leave it alone. But, from that time forward she would continue to bring the subject up, asking me if I'd spoken with my mother lately... and when are you going to speak with your mother. Time went on and on and I have to admit that I felt alienated and detached from my immediate family.
The Time flowed by, summer turned to fall and October turned to November and finally it was the week before Thanksgiving. I received a call from my grandfather summoning me to get my "ass home" and yes that is the way that he bluntly put it. I asked him what was up. He told me he had a conversation with my mother and asked if she had talked to me about Thanksgiving. He said that she had broken down into tears and would not talk to him. He said she was distraught. She said she could not talk to him about it.
He said he knew that there was something wrong and he didn't want to get into it. He told me that a lot of things had gone on that I didn't know about and that he wasn't going to discuss them over the phone. The conversation ended with him telling me that it was time that I grew up and time that I got home and he then added that he loved me and that he would see me next week. That day would be November 22.
November 22 came and I was scared to death. I felt obliged to ask Jill about the possibility of her coming with me, but she told me that she really needed to see her family and she believed that I needed to reconcile whatever had happened back in March. And truth be told, I really didn't want her anywhere near my family. I thought about the mess that I had made. In reality, it had been hard being away from home. It had been eight months. This was the longest amount of time than I had ever been away from my immediate family in my life.
Early, on the morning of November 22, I began the trek back home across the state. It was a grey day. Clouds hung low in the sky and the mist surrounded my car as I journeyed within and towards a blind destiny. I really didn't enjoy this trip, because I didn't know what to expect. I had not had any contact with anyone since that fateful day. I did not call my mother and tell her I was coming home. I just figured that I would show up and let fate lead me towards whatever destination it desired.
I tried to keep my mind as blank as possible, so I blared the stereo listening to Led Zeppelin. I certainly had a fear about what awaited me. I have to admit that I stopped a few times and took a few shots of Jack Daniels along the way. I had even lit my one-hitter with some good weed I had brought home to self medicate during this excursion into the unknown.
Occasionally I caught myself thinking about Ashley and her dating other guys. I'm sure that she was, a girl as beautiful as her who was free to do as she pleased certainly was not going to be leading the life of a nun. She was all that I ever needed and my primal impulses had destroyed all of that. I even had Jill, who was very attractive and intelligent, but like I told you it did not fulfill me. I knew what I wanted and I knew that it was gone... It's unfortunate that you never know a good thing till it's gone.
As I pulled into town, the traffic was terrible and the cold, steady rain that was falling seemed to be a metaphor of my mood. It was as though the world had me surrounded in a Mire. I was concentrating on the traffic as I slowly, but surely, trudged back to our house.
The anxiety was building to a crescendo, as I got closer to home. It was a few minutes before 3pm when I pulled into my neighborhood. As I drove around the block, I could see that the house was still in order. The grass had faded to its winter yellow and there were very few leaves on the trees, but you could tell that everything had been given adequate attention.
Once again there were no cars in the driveway, so I really couldn't tell if anyone was at home. Parking my car, I grabbed my travel bags and headed for the door. I pulled my keys out. It certainly didn't look or feel like anyone was home, as I let myself in. The house was dark and a little on the coolish side. Normally there would be someone there to greet me. I thought of the last few times that I had come home and my mother was waiting for me at the door, such as last Christmas.
I yelled hello a couple of times, but it was clear that there was nobody in the house. So I took my bags up to my room and threw them on the bed. It seemed that nothing had changed. All of my belongings were pretty much as I had left them; of course my room was spotless. My mother is just one of those people that like to have everything in its place.
So I went out and explored the house just out of curiosity. It didn't seem like anything was different. I wasn't really hungry, but I had brought in my Jack Daniels and I was looking for a little something to mix it up with. I've always enjoyed a good Jack and Ginger, but I didn't want to get plastered with the music that I knew I was going to be facing that evening.
I went outside and fired up the Doobie to enhance my buzz and sipped on my Jack and Ginger. It got to be four o'clock and there was still no one home. I was exhausted from my ride , so I headed up to my room and just chilled, laying down I must have dozed off for a little while.
The next thing I knew, I felt a presence and looked up to see my mother standing in the doorway with tears in her eyes. She came rushing up to me and bent down and hugged me. Brushing my hair back she lightly kissed me on the forehead lightly and let me know, "Jimmy, I've missed you so much. I couldn't take it. I just couldn't take you being out of my life," as she kissed me on the cheek.
I could not reciprocate, " I have missed you too Mama, but we know what happened and that is a hard thing to get over and get past." I could not bring myself to kiss her. She is my mother and I will always love her, but none of this, what we were experiencing at the moment could change the anger, the shame, the embarrassment, and the loss that had come eight months previously.
My mother stood up, backed off and reiterated, "I am just so sorry. You don't know what's happened here. I've lost everything. Since you been gone, I've gone through hell. Joe left. He's gone. He said I was frigid, that I didn't know how to love a man. And Ashley stays gone all the time. She's never here and she hates me. And she's mean to me. And I can't blame her for that. Jan's gone to live with her boyfriend in Atlanta. There's no one here anymore. I'm so lonely and I'm at my wit's end. I have to fix things between you and me. That's all I've tried to do. And I can't blame you for not wanting anything to do with me. What I did was bad and I'm paying the price for it." Uncontrollable sobs matriculated from her being. She was hyperventilating and I could tell it was hard, but it was something that she had to say.
I reflected, "Big Daddy (my grandfather) called me last week and essentially told me to come home. So I'm here and I'm sorry for what's gone on, but I really don't know what to say, what to think, or what to do. I'm just here. I'll just keep to myself, because I don't want to bother anybody, because I am a fucking freak and nobody can keep rational sanity by hanging out with a fucking freak."
My mother looked down at me and told me, "You aren't.. a,,, a... freak and you should never say that. We all have wants and needs and desires. Everyone is different and everyone is unique. And you are one of the most unique and intelligent and wonderful people on this earth and you should never forget that.... I brought some dinner home. I'll leave you alone and give you some time. You just go down to the kitchen and get it when you're ready. I'm tired. I'm just going to go lay down for a little while myself. And we can talk whenever you want. I love you and don't you ever forget that." Her lips quivered and she trembled as she turned to leave the room.
I asked, "What time is?" She told me was about 6:15 and volunteered, "No one's coming home tonight. Like I said, I've been pretty much by myself in this house alone since Joe left.."
(Jimmy) -- "When was it that Joe left?"
(Patty) -- "It was in early June. He had been in and out of here for weeks. Like I told you I thought something was going on, but I never could prove anything. I was never cold to that man. I really didn't trust what he was up to. I do know that he's sorry he was messing with another woman, at least that is what he's said, but I really don't care, because the differences are irreconcilable and they have been for a long time. We legally separated at the end of July. When he came and got most of his belongings in July, he told me I can keep everything. That he did care about me, but he really didn't think that I loved him. And you know what, he was right. I never had. So that is that."
She turned to leave the room before turning back, "we're all going to eat Thanksgiving dinner at the country club tomorrow. We have a one o'clock reservation. Everyone in the family will be there. Your grandfather has insisted that everyone be there. So let's keep it together and not let him know anything that has gone on here."
I nodded in a weak affirmation as she left the room. At the moment when my mother walked into the room and talked to me, I wasn't thinking that she had put on a little weight, but it was clearly visible that she was a thicker. Other thoughts were running through my mind when I first saw her and I certainly wasn't thinking anything about her looks, while we were talking. I'm not saying that she put on a ton of weight or anything, but it was clear to see that she had added some pounds.
I can't say that I didn't think about what had happened last year. My mother and I had definitely grown closer and the bounds of propriety had definitely crossed into the taboo. Our relationship was now perplexing and maybe even irreparable back to normality. I still love my mother as a mother and I needed her as a mother. And now what was this relationship... what was this thing between us? I don't know what it was.
My mother just disappeared into her room and I stayed in mine. Eventually I did go down and get something to eat, but there was never any sign of Mama. I did explore the house and it felt so dark and so empty and so cold. A house that had been so warm and full of life at times in the past now felt abandoned and soulless. Everything still seemed to be in place, but it seemed almost like a mausoleum.
Darkness had fallen long before and the night seemed endless as I lay in my room listening to music. There were ghostly memories that crowded my mind. My brain was a whirl with what had gone on throughout this house previously. There was no way to get past all of this and I didn't know how I could live with what had happened and the implications of all that.
I pondered that I could spend the next couple of days to get some rest. That is if I stayed here through all of this.... I dozed off... Eventually I was awoken from my slumber by the sound of a car and what sounded like a motorcycle, then I heard a car door shut and it sounded like voices coming up outside the house and then I heard the front door open and close and the murmuring sound of quiet voices.
I went to the top of the steps and looked down and what I saw broke my heart. Ashley was standing there with some guy making out as he felt her up and down. My heart sank at the site of what I was witnessing. I made an "uhhh-hmmm" sound and as Ashley turned around they were both staring at me.
Ashley spoke, "Oh hey Jimmy, I didn't know that you were home." This guy was just looking at me with the grin of a Cheshire cat as I made my way down the steps. Then she attempted to make an introduction, "This is David." I noticed that Ashley had lost weight and her hair was now nearly platinum blonde. Honestly, I didn't like it. It was like one of those Hugh Hefner Playmate looks.
David reached his hand out to shake mine, but I just could not extend a hand. I just ignored him. He certainly was a pretty boy. You know the kind with hair that swoops down over the eye, perfectly coiffed, shoulder length, no blemishes on his skin, looked like he had never shaved a day in his life, leather jacket, faded jeans perfectly torn, boots, etc.... the GQ biker type, if you know what I mean -- a complete cliché of an oximoron. The stylish "Bad Guy."
I was nervous as shit, "Yeah Ash, I just got in about three. I heard something. Just wondered what was up. Good to see you. Well I'm going to head on back to bed. "
It didn't feel right to be this distant. "I'm really exhausted from the trip. I'll see you in the morning. Have a good night." She responded, "goodnight" and from there I headed on back up to my room, closed the door and laid down as my eyes teared up and my brain filled with anxiety until I finally fell asleep. There was nothing I could say and I certainly didn't want to get to know the guy. It was hate at first sight.