Backsliding Ch. 07

Time flies when you're having fun. Time must have been zipping by at breakneck speed for Sarah because she seemed to be having the time of her life. For me, time was beginning to slow to a crawl. I wondered if maybe my fun had run its course.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Sarah's latest escapade at Charades and the wild night of sex that followed. I think I'm still in shock over her decision to let me try anal sex on her, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. It still ranks up there as one of the hottest nights of passionate sex we ever had. I just wasn't expecting it at all and I knew deep down that the innocent girl I'd married would never in a million years agree to anal sex, much less ask for it. Maybe that's what was eating at me: I felt like I had lost Sarah and had gained someone else in her place. I guess you are saying that I asked for it and I deserve what I get and you're probably right, but it doesn't change the fact that I couldn't shake this feeling of loss.

I sort of spent the next day at work just going through the motions. I was tired after having stayed up most of the night, but there was more to my lethargy than just a lack of sleep. Maybe what was bothering me was that for the first time in our marriage, Sarah was on a journey that didn't include me. I now knew how she must have felt when I first began my own transformation and I remembered her own depression and how she turned to her church for comfort. Trouble is I didn't have anywhere to turn. All I kept thinking about was that if Sarah had discovered on her own, through porn or whatever else, that she had these fantasies or fetishes or whatever the hell she called them, without me knowing, then what else was she doing that I didn't know about?

The feeling of dread that I felt that day must have been one-sided because I spoke to Sarah several times on the phone that day and she seemed perfectly fine. She spent the day with Rachel shopping and asked me to meet them after work for dinner.

When I got to the restaurant, the first thing I noticed was that Rachel had gotten her waist length brown hair cut. It was still long by anyone's standards, reaching past her shoulder blades, but I knew it was the first haircut she had ever had in her life. The stylist at Sarah's shop had also added some auburn and blonde streaks to her already brown hair and it really looked good. I complimented my sister in law on her new look.

"Look what else she did," Sarah said smiling, and reaching across the table to hold up a strand of hair over Rachel's ear.

"You got your ears pierced? That's nice, Rachel. I'm proud of you for trying something new," I said, sitting down.

"It's definitely been a week of 'new experiences', that's for sure," Rachel said, looking at her sister and winking. Both girls broke into laughter at their inside joke. I just smiled uneasily, but I think Sarah noticed.

I sat quietly through the meal as the girls made small talk and joked about different experiences growing up. I could tell that for the first time in a very long time they were reconnecting and trying to repair their damaged relationship. I found it ironic that they were doing it through things that had been taboo for most of their lives, but then I remembered how close Sarah and I were to divorce ourselves when I backslid and then how close we became again after she did the same thing. I decided that I needed to put my foul mood behind me and lighten up a little.

The girls were enjoying a margarita with their meal, so I decided to order a beer and relax a little while they strolled down memory lane. Eventually the talk turned to Rachel's daughters and her separation from Mike. I decided to speak up.

"So, Rachel, what are the girls going to think about your makeover?" I asked.

"I've been thinking a lot about that," she said, sounding a little worried. "I don't know, to be honest. I know this divorce thing is so traumatic for them, and now when I go home and they see that I've made some changes, well..."

"Do you regret doing it?" I asked.

She thought on her answer for a moment. "No. No, I don't. It's something that's needed to happen for a long time. I've been so miserable and I didn't even know why. I hated the way I looked and I'm sure that's part of the reason why my marriage failed. There just wasn't any romance there anymore and a lot of that was my fault. But I do worry about the girls, though."

"Don't worry about the girls, sis," Sarah spoke up. "They'll be fine. At least this way, there won't be any tug of war between you and Mike on the little things. That should help the transition for them a little easier."

Rachel nodded her head in agreement and sipped her margarita. I could see her face was beginning to get a little flushed and I knew the alcohol was working on her. I thought back at just how different she was than just a few days ago when she first arrived. Sarah was more proficient at corrupting her sister than I would have given her credit for.

When the meal was over and we had finished our drinks, we decided to head back home. I thought that Rachel would probably be out with Marcus again later tonight, but that proved to not be the case. I commented on it to Rachel. She just looked at me and shrugged, then looked at her sister and grinned.

"Marcus is a lot of fun and I've got a date with him tomorrow night, but it's just a rebound thing. I'm leaving Sunday to go back to the real world. Marcus is here, I had a good time, he made a lasting impression, but it's not something I plan to pursue. Long distance relationships don't work anyway."

"I thought if you went black, you never went back," Sarah said, smiling at her sister playfully.

"Who said I went black?" said Rachel. "We had fun and we played around a little, but I didn't do anything to be ashamed of. I might be committing some minor sins right now, but I've still got my morals. I'm not a slut, Sarah."

"I know, Rach. I was just joking. Let's get out of here and go home and relax a little. I've got a brand new blender at home and a fresh bottle of rum," Sarah said, changing the subject.

I didn't see much of Sarah or Rachel for the rest of the week. Rachel had her date with Marcus the next night, but she spent most of her remaining time with her sister. Sarah and Rachel also spent a considerable amount of time that week going out. They came in late every night that week and I could smell the alcohol and cigarette smoke on Sarah when she would come stumbling in and climb into bed, usually with a good buzz and ready to fuck. I found that when she had been drinking, she had a tendency to want to act out her fantasies. Twice that week she asked me to have anal with her again and once she ever wore that PVC dominatrix thing she surprised me with. I guess I should have been a real man and kick her out of the bed since I'd felt so guilty, but the truth is, I was thinking with a different brain. The one eyed monster seemed to like the new Sarah.

It was the internal conflict that I was struggling with that led to the biggest fight of our marriage. Looking back now, I realize it was all pretty stupid, but that didn't stop me from putting my foot in my mouth. Rachel was due to drive home Sunday morning and Sarah wanted to have a girl's night out with her before she left. The whole deal was just innocent fun among girls, but for the first time in our marriage, Sarah stayed out almost all night. When I finally heard the sisters stumbling in at almost dawn, I lost my temper.

"Would you like to explain yourself, Sarah?" I asked. I could tell I wasn't doing a good job of masking my hurt and anger.

"There's nothing to explain, Jim. I told you that we were going out last night and you agreed. I don't know why you're angry."

I nearly exploded on that one. "Well let's see, Sarah. Is it because you went out last night and got hammered, then come in at dawn smelling like a liquor store? Why wouldn't I be upset? Where were you all night?"

"It wasn't that big of a deal, Jim, really. Rachel and I met Lizzie and Kelly for drinks at a restaurant, and then we decided to go to the club across town and dance a little. We ran into Janet and Jennifer Beachum there, so we decided to party a little more. We danced a little, maybe had a little too much to drink, then came home."

"You came straight home from the club with Lizzie?" I asked.

"Yeah, why?" she replied.

"Are you sure you're telling me everything? We've never had secrets..."

"Why do I fucking have to tell you everything, Jim? You're not my fucking father! I was safe last night and I'm home now. Let's just leave this well enough alone for now!"

I knew she was getting angry and that this couldn't possibly have a happy ending, but I was mad as hell as well and I wouldn't let the issue die. I started in on her again.

"I'm not fucking leaving anything alone, Sarah! Not until you tell me where the hell you were until dawn this morning. You owe me that much!"

"Owe you? What the fuck do I owe you? Should I feel grateful to you for getting all pissy over something trivial at church and turning my whole fucking world upside down when you left? Should I feel fucking grateful to you for leading me into a life of sin and degradation that I didn't know existed? Is that what I fucking owe you?"

"Hey, wait a minute..." I started.

"No, you wait a goddamned minute. I'm a grown-ass woman! For the first time in my pathetic little existence, I'm standing up for myself and doing what Sarah wants to do. If I want to drink and party, then by god, I'm fucking going to drink and party and I don't give a shit who knows about it or what they think! I've spent my entire life doing what other people expected me to do, but I'm done with that shit. I'm going to do what I want to do from now on! If you don't like it, then fuck you. Fuck you, Jim. Fuck you for introducing me to all of this, and fuck you for letting me like it! You fucking wanted this to happen, remember? Every time I started down that slippery slope, you'd get a fucking hard on, so don't fucking preach to me now, mother fucker."

She started to sob and stormed off to our bedroom. I was in shock at her outburst, but I didn't try to follow her. I looked up to see Rachel standing in the doorway, looking at me and shaking her head.

"That went well," she said, smiling weakly and walking towards the table where I was sitting. She sat down across from me and didn't say anything for several minutes.

"I'm an asshole," I said finally.

"Yeah," she answered, and then winked, "but you're an asshole that loves his wife. You had a right to be concerned, but you didn't have a right to be jealous. You can trust Sarah, Jim. You should know that."

"I want to, believe me I do, but she's changing so fast."

"Not as fast as you think, brother in law. She's like a bird that's been locked in a cage for its whole life. Now that she's free, she doesn't understand how to handle that freedom. She's hungry to experiment with the things she's always been denied. It'll run its course."

The voice of reason told me that Rachel was telling me the truth, but I was still angry. I knew I should go inside and apologize to Sarah, but my pride wouldn't allow it. Instead, I walked to the garage, fired up my bike and roared down the street.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander, I thought as I rode around the area for the next two hours. I gradually calmed down and was thinking of turning around and heading home when I saw this little ice house on the outskirts of the suburbs. I saw several bikes and a few pickup trucks parked out front and a live band was setting up on an outdoor stage along the side of the building. I pulled in, killed the bike, and found a table near the makeshift stage. I was ordering my first beer when I felt my cell phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and glanced at the number. It was Sarah. The anger seeped back in again as I turned the phone completely off and put it back in my pocket. I was well into my fourth beer when the band started playing. I drank a lot that night. Probably more than I have ever drunk before. By the time the band quit at 1:00, I was hammered.

I don't remember much from that night, but I do remember someone tap me on the shoulder. I turned around and was surprised to see Tommy and Lizzie standing there. I smiled and slurred, "What are you two doing here?"

"Looking for you, ass wipe," muttered Tommy, pulling me to my feet. "Give me your keys."

"Why do you need my keys? Did you forget your truck?" I asked like an idiot.

"No, I need your keys so your dumb ass doesn't try to drive home. Sarah's pissed, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't want you dead."

I started to ask Tommy where Lizzie was, but I noticed that she was talking to a couple of bikers in the parking lot. They nodded and walked to Tommy's truck and unloaded an aluminum bike ramp from the bed. As Lizzie put me in the back seat and buckled me in, Tommy helped the guys load my bike and tie it down in his truck. I began to complain to Tommy about not wanting to go home to Sarah. I was embarrassed.

I heard Lizzie on the phone. "Yeah, we've got him. Yes, he's fine. Thank god for phone tracking. Okay, love you too, sweetie, and don't worry about it. The two of you will work this out. See you in a little bit, bye."

I don't remember Tommy and Lizzie bringing me home or Sarah putting me to bed. I guess I passed out on the ride home. Sarah let me sleep in the next morning, but when I did finally wake up around noon, I couldn't find a position to hold my head that didn't hurt.

"Well, I see you're back among the living," Sarah said when she walked in the bedroom to check on me.

"It doesn't feel much like living. I feel like shit," I mumbled. My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

"You look like shit, too, but I know exactly how you feel. Don't worry, Kelly came by this morning to see Rachel off and she fixed you up an anti-hangover concoction. She said it's guaranteed to either cure you or kill you. Right now, either option would probably be better than what you've got."

"Rachel left already?" I asked, trying to shake the cobwebs from my throbbing skull.

"Yeah, she's gone. She left this morning about ten. She's anxious to get home and see her girls."

"I'm glad she got to spend some time with you," I said.

"I'm glad she did, too. She made a lot of changes this week, some good, some not so good, but I think it'll work out for her in the long run."

"Do you think she'll go wild like..." I caught myself before I said something I'd regret later, but Sarah caught it anyway.

"Go wild like me? No, not Rachel. She'll experiment a little, I'm sure, but she's not me if that's what you're thinking."

"Look, Sarah, about this weekend..."

She put her fingers on my lips and shook her head. "Let's not worry about that right now. Maybe we can discuss it later after you've tried Kelly's Magic Potion. If you're still alive by then," she said playfully.

Kelly must have had plenty of experience in the hangover department because the concoction Sarah brought me worked. It tasted like monkey shit, but in less than an hour most of the throbbing in my head had become a dull ache and my stomach was no longer doing flips. I got out of bed, stumbled through a shower and put on some shorts and a t-shirt. I found Sarah on the sofa watching TV and drinking a glass of iced tea.

"What, no beer drinking today?" I asked sarcastically.

"Hell no. I think we've both had our quota for the weekend, don't you?"

"What's happening to us, Sarah? This isn't who we are."

"Yes, Jim, it is who we are. It just isn't who we were. It is who we've become. Right or wrong, we asked for it. Whether we care to admit it to ourselves or not, this is our new reality."

"The question is where do we go from here?"

"Vegas," she said, smiling.

"What are you talking about?"

"Remember that hair show I told you about on the way home from Charades that first time? Well, Robert booked some of the girls and he offered to let me tag along, sort of as a working vacation. I told him I'd go, but I'd rather you went with me this time."

"I remember what happened the last time you went off with your co-workers to one of these so-called 'working vacations'. You came back a wild woman!"

Sarah just laughed and laid her hand on my crotch. She stroked my manhood through the think fabric of the gym shorts I was wearing.

"I don't remember you complaining the night I got home from Florida," she said playfully.

"We've come a long way since that night, haven't we?" I asked, becoming serious again.

"Yes we have. Do you regret it?"

"No. I have to admit that you kept me on my toes with all of the changes you made. I never knew what you were going to come home with next."

"Which change did you like the most?" she asked.

"All of them," I said, running my fingers through her hair and brushing the small butterfly tattoo on her nape. Then I touched the tiny stud on her left nostril. "Especially these," I said.

"I thought so. I actually soaked my panties when I got my first tattoo. The same thing happened when I got my nose pierced, but none of them compared to my haircut. I think I actually came on that one."

"Are you serious, why?" I asked.

"I don't know, probably because those things were so taboo in church. I think the hair thing might be different. I think I have a hair fetish."

"You're joking, right? Hair turns you on?" I raised up my arm and grabbed her head and shoved it playfully toward my armpit. "Here, let me help you get off!"

"Yuck!" she said playfully, pulling her head back and slapping me on the arm. "That's not the kind of fetish I'm talking about asshole! Besides, I don't think 'fetish' is the right word. I just find changing my hair wildly erotic. Am I weird?"

"No weirder than me wanting to watch you have sex with another woman," I replied quietly.

"You're still hung up on that, aren't you?"

"Absolutely, I almost thought I was going to finally get my wish at Charades the other night."

"Maybe if I had been drinking more you would have. I don't know what came over me. I swear that I never intended for any of that to happen, but when it did, I just went with it. Did that weird you out or anything?"

"You know it didn't," I said.

"What about the sex afterwards? Did that weird you out?"

"Well, it was a surprise, if that's what you're asking. I never expected you'd want to do that," I said.

"Me either. I'd read about it online and it seemed kind of kinky, but I never really thought about doing it. Then I got all worked up at Charades, so I said 'what the fuck' and decided to go for it. When we did, something just clicked and I realized that I actually liked it."

"And what about that PVC dominatrix outfit thingy?" I asked.

"Oh, that? That was all you, big boy. You know, you really ought to delete your history after you surf the web for porn pics. Now I know all of your naughty secrets," she laughed.

She was still absent mindedly rubbing my dick through my shorts. I ran my hand up her t-shirt and flicked playfully at her belly button ring, then slid my hand under her bra. I looked down at her and smiled.

"How about we head to the bedroom and see what other forbidden pleasures we can discover?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

***

Two weeks later I was alone on a flight to Las Vegas. Sarah had flown in three days earlier for the hair show with the crew from work. As marketing director, Sarah was tasked with several logistical issues for the company, but the hair show was in its final day when I landed. The room had been booked through the weekend and the week was all ours.

I had called Sarah the night before and told her what time my flight was coming in. She promised me that she'd be at the airport on time to give me a ride to the hotel. When I walked down the terminal ramp, I didn't immediately notice Sarah standing in the crowd waving at me. She looked radiant, but different. Her shoulder length hair was gone, replaced by the shortest, brightest white pixie cut I'd ever seen. She looked like a different woman; sexy as hell, but different. Remembering our recent conversation about her hair fetish, I suspected that this might be an interesting trip after all.