Becoming Bi, Bit By Bit

The other day my girlfriend finally asked me, "Are you happy?"

I was speechless. In that instant all the nagging impulses and desires I'd been experiencing over the last three years or so solidified in my heart and my soul screamed out.

"No! Of course I'm not happy! We don't even fuck anymore, much less make love!"

My mouth simply frowned diplomatically and before I could think of a less traumatic answer she answered for me.

"I think we should break up."

Despite the cliché of the language I still felt moved, but more importantly, I felt relieved. The guilt I'd carried since she'd gone through with the abortion of our child, less than a year into "us," disappeared and left me feeling giddy and light-headed, even as I lied and told her how awkward I felt too. Yeah I know we can still hang out and be friends and I'm fine with that and all the other bullshit couples tell each other to ease the end of a relationship.

In the days following our break-up, I found myself lying awake at night, wondering what should come next. One day at work I was feeling a little lonely and surfing the net and I came across a website that published erotic fiction submitted by its members. I went to the most popular story lists, and soon found myself reading about a man who discovered he was bisexual and a transvestite. The passages where he had sex with women turned me on a lot, but so did the parts where he was being fucked by another man. The descriptions of an orgy, with gorgeous men and women sexing each other up all night long made me intensely curious about a lifestyle I'd never even imagined.

"His penis was throbbing and aching in time with his racing pulse, forming an erotic counterpoint with the pounding his ass was receiving from Rick's swollen eight inches," I read. "As his sphincter began clinching Rick's thrusting cock, Jim felt the rod gagging his throat explode, coating his tonsils in sticky cum, sending him into an orgasm like nothing he'd ever experienced."

It was right after that sentence that I realized I'd creamed my pants while fantasizing about cocks! There I was, my glasses fogged and slipping off my sweaty nose, trying to catch my breath with my head reeling, full of visions of throbbing cocks squirting hot cum all over me. The thought of my own body being reamed like that, being fucked in the mouth, being in an orgy, wouldn't leave my mind the rest of the day. When I got home I returned to the story site and delved deeper into my own desires, reading story after story of people discovering their sexuality. That night, as I lay in bed not sleeping, my head was still flooded with visions of orgies.

It seems funny now, looking back, to think about how worried I was. I didn't want to be gay. I knew gay people and I wasn't like them. I loved playing with women's breasts and the taste of pussy when a woman became aroused. However, over the next few days I began indulging more and more in fantasies of bisexual orgies. While it bothered me to think of myself being with a guy, I was really turned on by the prospect of being in an anonymous mass of squirming bodies, of sucking and being sucked, fucking and being fucked. On night I was lying on my back with my feet propped up on my headboard. I was masturbating to such a scene when my own cum came flying into my face. I found myself opening my mouth, and catching the strand squarely on my outstretched tongue. I'd always recoiled from the occasional errant cumshot before, but this time I licked the remainder from my hands and savored its feel in my mouth. The salty taste was just as exciting and arousing as a woman's cum, and I enjoyed spreading it on my lips and rubbing it into my nipples.

The following morning my face was still sticky from the cum and I immediately jumped into the shower to wash the memory away. As sensual as it had been, the experience was stressing me out. That day at work I once again found myself clicking on stories of bisexual escapades, and the idea of actually sucking a cock, or taking one up the ass, began to grow on me. I decided to click on the link indicating "the world's largest selection of sex toys" and went shopping.

My stomach started fluttering as I looked at big black dongs and little pink vibrators and latex pants and all sorts of sexy things. Certain items especially piqued my interest. The first item I came across was called an "anal balloon," and the idea was that you insert into your ass and inflate it. As I added it to my cart I noticed an erection brewing slowly in my pants. As I added a squirting realistic dildo to my cart I felt myself stiffen and strain against my underwear. I even threw in an inflatable ball that the dildo would lock into, and even a pair of cherry red latex briefs, with an access hole for my butt. By this time my ears were roaring with the sound of my pumping heart, and my blood was boiling. As I clicked to finalize my purchase I jumped from my desk to go beat off in the bathroom.

When I returned to my desk I felt ashamed at having bought all that "gay" stuff, and decided I would send it back when it arrived. In the following days I actually almost forgot that I'd bought all that stuff, but then it came. When I took the box from the deliveryman I caught myself checking out his bulge, and as he walked away, his ass. I was mortified, but aroused as well. Instead of setting the package aside I tore it open, and gazed with wonder on my new toys.

The first thing I did was strip down to nothing. Then I started fondling the latex panties I'd ordered. The material felt like sin itself as I fingered it, and as I slid them on, my penis came to attention. I could barely fit it into the briefs. When I looked up at myself in the mirror, I was taken aback. My body, which was athletic and muscular anyway, was totally accented by the red latex stretched across my bulging cock, and I ran my fingers across my hairy chest.

"Hmmm…" I thought, as I reached for my razor.

I removed the latex panties and began removing my body hair. I don't know why I did it, but I knew it would feel great against the latex. Soon I was looking at my completely naked body, taut and glistening from the coating of baby oil I'd just applied. My cock bounced slightly with my heartbeat, and I rubbed my hands all over my smooth and rippled torso. When I slid on the panties this time my body came alive with sensuality, and I turned around to look at my ass peeking through the hole in the back.

My hand found the squirting dildo next. I gasped when I grasped the shaft and drew the thing from its box. As I examined it I noticed a small insert with the dildo, explaining its squirting capabilities. Apparently, the ball sack, which was huge, could hold about a cup of fluid. The thought of all that cum made me breathe a little faster, so I ran to the kitchen to cook up a batch of the "cum substitute" recommended in the instructions.

Through the pounding blood rushing through my ears I was troubled with thoughts that I was going too far as I mixed the flour and salt with the heating water. As the soup thickened it became opaque and slick, and soon I had what appeared to be a saucepan half full of steaming cum. At this point I knew there was no point in resisting my desires any longer, and it took all my restraint to keep from dumping the whole pot on my glistening body. I transferred the steaming cum into a squirt bottle and went back to my bedroom.

I went ahead and inflated the ball, and noted how easy it was to lock the dildo into its holster. Then I removed the dildo and filled it with some of the steaming cum. The balls became warm with the simmering fluid, and my erection got even harder. My heart was beating insanely fast as I looked at the cock, which dwarfed my own, and started to stroke it with my fingers. As I ran them up the shaft and over the tip I noticed a drop of cum had escaped already, and I rubbed it between my fingertips. The next thing I knew I was kissing the tip of the cock, and I could taste the salty slickness and it spurred me on. I inhaled the cock, and jammed it into the back of my throat in one smooth motion. As I gagged my cock surged and strained against the constricting latex. I started bobbing my head up and down and I could barely breathe but I kept stuffing it down my throat and I got faster and faster. As I increased the intensity of my first blowjob my mind screamed at me to stop, but my body wouldn't let me. I nearly came right there as I squeezed the balls and coated my throat with the hot sticky cum I'd made, and I fell back on the bed, a trickle of cum running down my cheek.

Once I had recovered and stopped shaking I realized that I still had a raging hard-on, and in the high of my afterglow I decided to venture onward into uncharted territory. I refilled the cock and locked it into its ball, which was about the size of a small beach ball. I wasn't sure what to do next, as I hadn't intended to actually fuck myself in the ass. However, I was determined now, having tasted something close to the strongest orgasm I'd ever had. I positioned myself over the ball, and rested my anus against the tip of the cock, which I'd slicked up with some cum. I took a deep breathe, and started to put a little pressure on my ass. As my sphincter started to relax it opened a little, only to close back up and pop out the cock. I went to try again, and at that instant, the phone rang, which was right next to my ear.

The ring was loud and I flinched away, already nervous about all this experimenting. However, my balance had been precarious before I jerked, and my knees gave out and I plunged my ass onto the eight inch cock. The pain lit up my entire body, as if I was being torn in two. I sat there shivering and sweating, an eight inch cock buried in my ass, stretching the latex around my swollen anus. Every time I tried to move I was shocked by a million sensations, so I just sat there, not knowing what I should do.

After a few minutes the pain faded into the background and I noticed I was still erect. I also noticed my ass had relaxed a bit. I slowly inched my ass up the shaft until I got to the cock's swollen head. I could feel my legs shaking with the strain of holding me halfway up, but I was afraid to pop out the final tip of the cock. Frozen, I resolved I would not be fucking myself up the ass anymore.

Suddenly my legs slipped in a cum puddle on the plastic I'd laid down on and I fell back down on the cock, again igniting a million neurons in my brain. I took in a sharp breathe anticipating pain but instead I felt something I'd never felt before begin stirring deep inside my tummy. I lifted up and sat back down, and then tried it again. Each time the shaft would draw excruciatingly slowly out of ass, only to be pounded back in. I gradually increased my pace and soon I was bouncing on the cock, taking deep and violent strokes into my ass and moaning like a porn star. I grabbed the squirt bottle full of cum and started shaking from the inside out. I shoved the bottle into my mouth and squeezed it until cum came gushing out from around the bottle and dripped onto my chest. I went for one last stroke and gripped the balls, shooting a hot steaming load deep into my anus. I squirted the last of the cum all over myself and started gyrating and wiggling uncontrollably as the orgasm approached. Cum came up from my own balls and splattered my waiting lips, mixing with the flood of cum covering my face and body. I collapsed on the plastic, the cock tip still poking my ass and covered in glistening sticky cum.

Since that day I've not stopped thinking about having gay sex. I still fantasize about women, but now men are fair game as well. I don't even think of it as gay anymore. It's just sexy. I haven't yet met anyone who will take my fantasies into the realm of reality, but I know they are out there. Part of me is scared, but I more insistent part of me keeps surfing the net, trolling for the next adventure . . . Oh yeah, and those anal balloons are well worth the price as well, but that's another story.