Beginning Again

To those of you who wish erotic material, this isn't it. I am only writing this as a need, for me.

To the lady who emailed me with no return email, losing her husband like me, I offer encouragement. I almost went to join my man, he would not allow that.

Please, read my own luck in finding something new, you can do the same. The love you had, and the pain, will always remain, but try.

The result will likely be worth the effort. Peace to you, and good luck, you touched me. Please try, your own fine man would want it for you.

Lee

* * * * *

I have only been in my new life for just two hours. I lost my husband of two decades a few months ago, then somehow I met a man who wanted me.

This required me to move here to Reno to be with him. My alternative was to stay home, alone. I chose to move on, I knew I would wither and die at home, alone.

I am Lee, 51, a Doctor by trade. If you read my stories, I suppose it would help to understand. The last few years have been difficult for me. Hell, my entire life has been difficult.

My Father was gone before I was ever old enough to know him. My mother raised me the only way she could, trying to protect me from the world. She told me men were bad, to stay away from them. As I got older and saw them come and go, I didn't understand why she said that.

Mom always dressed me to be as unattractive as possible, so I was picked on in school. I became shy and withdrawn. I was tall, skinny, flat-chested, no behind really. Once when I was about 14 I was in my room crying, Mom came in to see what was the matter.

I was crying because all the other girls had these huge breasts, I had none. Mom sighed, and bought me a padded bra and a blouse that was actually pretty with lots of colors, and a pleated skirt that flared out and hugged my legs with each step.

I was so proud, I walked to the bus and got on, a couple of the boys looked and snickered. I heard one call me "rubbergirl". By the time we got to school I knew what was the matter, I ran to the girl's room and sobbed.

I took off the padded bra and never wore it again.

As I got older I finally did develop a set of smallish breasts, but I still was mostly ignored.

The school had dances at noon, they played records. I went a couple of times, no one ever asked me to dance, I just sat over by myself, hands in my lap.

I quit going quickly, instead I went to the library and read. I don't know how much I read, thousands of books, I guess. I could lose myself in some of them, I could become anything I wanted to be. But the bell would ring, and I was just me again.

Yes, my entire life was like that until that day I met Ted on the street. I believe that the ebbs and flows of life will balance out in time. I really believe that. From the moment I met him, scrubbed him, clothed him, my life changed.

It was every single aspect of our lives, too. I say ours, because Ted had no more down to go, there was no place left. In some ways, I was the same.

One step at a time, we became one person. Our lives grew into fun, finances came our way. After so many years of nothing, suddenly I had everything!

{I just stopped writing for a moment, and looked up at Ted. He rests in an Urn over in the corner of this room. I swear he is smiling at me.}

I don't know why I am going on like this, other than I am sitting here in a strange city, a strange room, knowing I have to go on. I am completely terrified almost every step of the way.

{I take a deep breath, wipe the trace of tears. This is real, this is now.}

Saturday:

Jon, my new man, was right there when I drove up. He hugged me, told the staff to store the car in the private underground garage. I looked at the car, my late husband's z06 Corvette. He loved that machine, now it had dirt all over it. My instinct was to stop right then, as cold as it was outside, and clean and polish it. I knew Ted would have, he wouldn't stand for that machine being dirty.

Jon read my mind, with a smile he told the staff to get the car taken care of. I felt better at that.

Jon took my 3 bags, all I could get into the Corvette, and had one of the bellboys run it up to our new home. My Kitty was completely upset, hours in a carrier, he was yowling and clawing at the cage.. One of the staff took him away to care for him. I was clutching the Urn that contained the body of my lost husband, Jon looked but said nothing, he knew about that.

Off to the elevators, Jon punched in 26 and swiped a card, then he turned and handed the card to me. I looked at it, "Ms. Lee M*******, PHD." it said. Nothing else.

I was a bit concerned, living in a Casino hotel room struck me as likely to be cramped. It wasn't.

We walked in, and I looked around. Good Lord! The living room and lounge area would easily hold the main floor of my house back in the Portland outskirts.

There is a full bar, a hot tub, sauna, 3 bedrooms, we weren't lacking for space. Jon showed me to the computer room, the one I am on right now.

Fast, compared to the dialup system Ted and I had back home, this is incredible! There is a little square box that says "Actiontec" on the side of it that makes it run very fast. Does it sound like I don't know much about computers? LoL.

The doorbell rang, I answered to a nice young man holding my Cat carrier. Yes, my Kitty, my friend. He was a little unhappy, but soon went to investigating all the new things. The first order of business was to knock all of the cushions off the couch, like always. Jon and I laughed, I knew kitty would settle right in.

Jon was grinning at me running around looking at everything, it is nice. Then he told me he had to leave to do his work, so I relaxed and settled in.

One thing he did tell me, I guess it makes sense. I can no longer gamble in the Casino, it is a house rule. If I wish to gamble, I must go to a different house. I really don't have a problem with that, it is fun but not something that ever did interest me that much.

It didn't take long for me to be bored. TV sets are everywhere, I counted 4 of them, then I found the huge one hidden in a wall, that comes out with just the push of a button.

The system has everything anyone could imagine, and I do mean everything.

I poured myself a drink at the bar, just a tiny touch of Rum, and I thought about the trip down. I had driven carefully over the mountains in Oregon, there was snow but the roads were clear.

As I got into Nevada, I sped up, experimenting a little. The Corvette easily will go faster than I am ready for, and I made the entire trip in just over 15 hours. At one point, I looked down and I was doing 125 MPH, it is amazing how easy that feels. I began to understand why Ted loved that car. But I slowed down, I didn't want to get into an accident.

(I got called away to go to the office for some paperwork that came in, so I had to stop writing)

Saturday Evening:

Jon came home..(Home! what an easy word to say!) around 6 PM. We hugged, he asked me if I was comfortable. I was, my heart was just throbbing, nervous. The doorbell rang, it was staff with food on little trays. Tiny chunks of Lobster in a sauce I found a bit rich but fine, some bits of other meat and salad. Jon and I ate, he spent the time looking at me mostly.

I was quiet, and uncomfortable still, all this was new.

"Want to watch a movie?" Jon asked, as we finished with our meal. Just then, the doorbell rang and staff came and carried everything away.

I had a sudden moment of realizing I was going to miss doing dishes, how is that for nuts?

"Movie?" Jon asked again.

"Sure. Which one?"

"Pick." he said, and handed me a list.

I looked, there was pages and pages of them. Suddenly I didn't want to watch any movie, I wanted normal.

"TV." I said.

"OK." Jon flipped on the TV and handed me the remote. I looked at that, not really understanding. Ted would have had a fit if I grabbed the remote. I just handed it back.

Jon smiled, understanding. He clicked on the news, CNN I think.

"Fox?" I asked.

One click and it was Fox. I don't like CNN much, too liberal, I like Fox, they always seem more truthful to me. The announcer was talking about some basketball player who was being charged with something, I lost interest in seconds.

So Jon and I snuggled up on the couch, only barely watching the news. It was just minutes before we were discussing current issues, business, talking and visiting, I felt myself relaxing and getting comfortable.

Then Jon was kissing me, one thing led to another, and we made sweet love right there on the couch. There was none of the earth-crashing stuff, it was wonderful,and normal.

Later, we went to bed, he held me and I slept. Around 3 AM I woke. Panic! I didn't know where I was, for a second I thought I was dead.

Then I felt the purring of my Kitty, snuggled up close robbing me of warmth. That felt normal.

I slipped quietly out of bed, and went into the main room, plopping down in a soft chair to think.

I woke up still in the chair, Jon was sitting there with a hot cup of coffee, light was streaming in through the curtains.

Jon touched a button, the curtains opened, I looked out on the view. We are on the 26th floor, the view of the mountains covered in snow is beautiful.

I turned to Jon, and asked, "What do I do?" I watched as his eyes scanned up and down my body, realizing I stood there with the light behind me. The light pullover I wore was invisible in the backlight. I felt the familiar tingling and shuddered.

"Do?"

"Yes, do!"

"What do you want to do?" he asked.

"I'm a Doctor."

"I see, do you want to work?"

"Yes."

"We don't have a Doctor on staff."

"Staff?"

"Would that interest you?"

"Maybe."

"We get several medical calls each day."

I thought about that for just a second, "How do you handle that?"

"We call 911."

"I would need an office."

"No problem, anything you need."

"Staff?"

"Sure."

I ran over and hugged Jon. My own office, my own staff, that excites me!

Jon just smiled at me, hugged me, and left. He had his shift to do. I took a shower, just as I was finishing dressing, the doorbell rang. I opened the door, A nice young man asked what I would like for breakfast.

I told him no thanks, I would go down to the restaurant, he nodded and left.

It hit me then!

There is no kitchen. I can't cook a meal. I can't do laundry, there is no washing machine. There is no ironing board, no refrigerator, no stove.

There are no cupboards, no dishes. I began to panic.

I grabbed the phone and called Jon. I told him!

"There is nothing here, I can't DO anything."

He told me to calm down, he would be right up.

He was here in minutes.

We talked about all of the things missing. He looked at me oddly, "Staff handles all of that." he said.

"No, I handle all of that!" I said.

Jon looked at me strangely. "I think you will get used to it."

"No, I am used to fixing my own breakfast, washing my own clothes!"

Jon laughed, all that did was make me furious.

"I have to go buy us a house?" he said, trying to temper my mood.

I thought about that for a moment, "How about if I go buy us a house?" I told him.

Jon reached out and hugged me, "All right. But the garage needs to hold 4 cars."

I relaxed at that, Jon went back to his work.

I grabbed the phone, called the concierge.

"Bring me a paper, and every home real estate listing in 20 miles." I told them.

It took them just 2 hours. So I sat there and read the listings, It is obvious I need a life if I am going to live here.

I found one, 3 bedrooms, 4 car garage, shop, 2 acres, splitlevel ranch, 8 miles out. I looked at the pictures, they even had the entire place on a disc. I plugged it in and watched the video. I made up my mind, grabbed the phone, I had enough in the bank, and some left over.

I gave the broker my card number, took a contingency clause on acceptence and approval, just like that! I looked over at the urn, Ted was grinning at me, I knew.

I was smiling inside at myself. Ted always said, "If you see something you want, reach out and grab it!"

I remember I was with him once when he needed some shoes. He walked in, looked at a pair he liked, and told the salesman, "That pair, size 12D!" and that was it. Just the way he was.

Then it hit me. Jon.

I called Jon on the phone, told him I most likely just bought a house. He got very quiet. Then I asked him straight out.

"Jon, have you ever lived in a real home?"

He was silent again for a long time. "I have always lived surrounded by staff."

"Brace yourself." I laughed at him. "You will get to mow grass on Saturdays!"

"Uhhh. Can I hire...?"

"NO!" I interupted.

"Lord." he said, and started laughing. "You are one hell of a hunk of woman."

We shall see. Just wait until I tell him he has to go with me to bring back Ted's boat!

I dressed, fixed my hair. A touch of makeup hid the beginnings of wrinkles. Just as I called down for a driver to take me out to the house to meet the broker and inspect, the doorbell rang.

It was the maids, I let them in. They busied themselves in the other room, chatting away in Spanish. They didn't realize I speak Spanish like a native.

One told the other, "She is Mr. Jon's new lady."

"He needed one."

"Yes, and she is so beautiful."

Beautiful? Me? I looked myself up and down in the full length mirror. Simple gray business suit with vest, soft white blouse, all fitted to my slender 110 pound frame. "Yes, I suppose so." I thought, beaming.

I reached in my purse and dropped a $20 bill on the counter, and walked out the door to find the driver.

Things will be all right, I think. We shall see.

Lee