- Erotic Poetry
- Billy Joe Pavlov
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She thinks of Billy Joe
Who knew to say “I love you”
In cotton fields of Texas
While crickets sang
And stars replied to fireflies.
She thinks of Billy Joe,
Californian swimming pools
And cream projectiled
From Coppertoned tubes
While she wonders what to say,
What to do
And thinks once more
Of her Billy Joe
Whose Panhandle
Summer love memories
Make her fingers move
Where Vaseline
And Venice Beach boys
Find her wonder too.
Now hero enters,
Naked giant
Phallus in hand,
While she salivates “Ooh, Baby. “
“Yeah, Baby.”
“Cut. It’s a wrap, people. Take ten.”
- COMMENTS
Epmd607about 15 years agoI've changed my mind, I'd only erase the 'fireflies' line, cuz tubes/do/too work well together. Though 'and' beginning the third stanza doesn't sit well with me now. If I'd written this I'd have to keep doing revisions to it, it's the sort of poem that almost works really well, but things just lag on the ear here and there.
Epmd607about 15 years agoending on 'sang' and 'say' lend ones ear to anticipate what they sang and what they said. The lines that I think are superfluous aren't very tidy, but answer those questions in an unsatisfactory way. I'm just saying, the poem as a whole only works for me if those two end lines are knocked off.
GuiltyPleasureabout 15 years agoI only ask because I can't see how that will improve the poem. I like the way the first three dream like stanzas give way to the staccato finish, nice contrast.
Tess
