My name is Ashley Tender but most people call me big black mama. Maybe it's because of my size. I'm a five-foot-ten, voluptuous gal with jet-black skin and a chunky but sexy body. Oh, and I've got a basketball-sized booty. That's my cans of junk in the trunk. Yes, I'm a big girl with a lot of everything that's fine and feminine but I am not ashamed of it. You only get one life so why give yourself more problems than you've already got? Guys, girls, I don't care where you live or what's going on with you. Feel no shame for what you are.
Recently, I went to visit my friend Joel Smith. Joel and I have been friends for a long time. Joel is a tall, good-looking guy with light brown skin and curly hair. He's half Haitian and half Irish. A good-looking biracial brother. Joel and I have always been cool. He's the kind of brother who lives his life the way he wants it and doesn't care what people think. In the hood, so many people are fronting and posturing. Everybody is pretending that they're richer, tougher or sexier than they really are. Joel is not like that at all. He's for real. He is bisexual and doesn't hide it from those haters in the hood. We're talking about a brother who is going places and ignores the pull of the streets, unlike so many young black people.
Joel lives in Dorchester like me but he has an Associate's degree in Criminal Justice degree from Bunker Hill Community College. He's working to make enough money to go to Amherst to get his Bachelors before heading to the police academy. Joel is going to make a fine cop someday. Usually, I don't like cops and I think most black folks would agree with me that they hate us but Joel is a brother with soul. I don't think he's going to mess with his people simply because of color. If he locks someone up, you can be sure that we're talking about a man or woman who had it coming.
I like Joel, because we're a lot alike. I'm a college student myself, studying Nursing at Emerson College. I don't want to end up on welfare like so many bitches in Dorchester. I want to make it in this life. Own my own house someday and have a job in a respected place. This is the kind of life that my father, Ashton Tender, had in mind for me. My father was a police officer who died in the line of duty, shot by some thugs from the hood. I had recently turned eighteen when it happened. It's been three years. I still miss my dad sometimes. He was a great man.
So, yeah, back to the story. I went to Joel's place for a little fun. Joel and I have been fuck buddies for some time. He usually prefers men but I can do things for him that no other girl can and I'm like the only female he trusts. We're cool with each other. I know that he likes guys. I'm not a jealous hussy and I'm not out to change him. Joel doesn't like to be tied down. That's what a lot of women and a few men don't understand. The brothers, regardless of their sexual orientation, are all men, and men need their space. I understood this.
I knocked on Joel's door. He came and opened it for me. I smiled and gave him a kiss. Joel looked good. At the age of twenty, he stood six feet tall, slim, and golden-skinned. Indeed, he was one of the most beautiful men I'd ever seen. I went inside. Joel had recently woken up. I could tell. He still looked sexy, though. Sometimes I envy men. Many of them look good first thing in the morning. For us ladies, it takes time. I sat on the couch and watched him as he did his thing. He was telling me about how he broke up with Jamal, his most recent boyfriend.
I shook my head as I listened. Yes, I knew Jamal. A tall, chocolate-skinned brother with dreadlocks. He was handsome, the perfect image of the black stud. Jamal played basketball for UMass-Boston. He was popular with a lot of ladies all over campus. Yeah, he was a sexy bastard. He also had girlfriends all over the place. I didn't know he was bisexual until Joel told me how they hooked up one time. Jamal was going out with Maria, this Puerto Rican bombshell who lives right down the street from me. He was also sleeping with Joel. Joel has a thing for men who are on the down low. Men who were gay or bisexual but led straight lives and secretly had relations with other men. Yeah, I've read books about those guys and I've known a few. Why do bisexual men hide who they are? Joel doesn't hide what he is and he still gets more pussy than most straight men I knew.
As I watched Joel move around, I remembered a steamy encounter we had. We came back from a club and were both a little drunk. Joel had been ditched by his latest down low stud, the macho-looking Antonio, a sexy Latin lawyer who had a jealous wife. I hate seeing Joel get hurt but why does he only go after men with issues? Oh, wait. He goes after psycho women too. One time, he hooked up with the hood's most notorious bitch, Talima Brown. Talima Brown is a chicken head. If you go behind a dumpster, you might see her sucking a guy's dick just the hell of it. Yes, she's a freak. A freak with a sexy body and a big booty. Men like her. Joel was curious and hooked up with her. Then he dumped her. That's when she began stalking him.
Men sometimes underestimate how dangerous a female stalker can be. Talima started following Joel around. At first, Joel didn't take her seriously. Until Talima slashed his tires and left threatening messages on his phone. I told him to go to the cops and get a restraining order against the psycho. He didn't listen to me. Well, one day, the bitch threw a brick at him. She missed but this encounter scared the shit out of Joel. He was mad as hell and wanted to beat up the bitch. I didn't want my friend to wind up in jail, even though he wanted to give Talima what she deserves. So, one day, Joel and I went to the police station and got a restraining order against Talima Brown. That finally got the bitch to back off.
Yes, I remember those days. I am quite fond of Joel, as you can see but he's allergic to the very idea of monogamy. We hook up sometimes but never anything serious. Joel hops from the beds of men and women of all races but he can't seem to settle down. He's the ultimate player, the bisexual male who is a constant bed-hopper. Oh, if there are any bisexual people reading this, yes I know that not all of you are bed-hoppers and that many of you can be as monogamous as straight people. I'm only talking about Joel, since he's the only bisexual player I know.
Oh, shoot. Yes, I was telling you about that drunken night. It was a hot night alright. It was the night I lost my anal virginity. Joel and I were drunk on the couch and messing around. I had my hands all over his sexy body and ended up sucking his dick. Joel was a lot more drunk than I was. He was lusting big time and fondling my butt. I gasped when he slipped his finger into my butt hole. He fingered me and then licked my asshole. I've never had that done to me before. It was hot.
After he licked my ass, he asked me if I had ever been anally penetrated. I shook my head. No, I've never let a man stick his cock up my ass. Why not? I'm not a chicken head, I'm not a whore and I'm not a freak. I'll do anything sexual, as long as it's not degrading or disgusting. I put anal sex in that category. If there are people out there who get off by having a dick up their buns, well more power to them. My ass is exit only. Or at least, that's how I felt. Until tonight.
Joel looked me in the eye and asked me if he could take me that way. I hesitated. I've always been scared of having anything in my ass. But when I looked at Joel, I felt my resistance falter. I loved him, you see. That's why I did it. He spat on his hand and rubbed it against his pole, then he rubbed the spittle against my hole. He pressed his cock against my back door. I gasped. Was this really me, Ashley Tender? Was I really letting a man into my back door? Yes, I was. What does that make me? All kinds of thoughts came into my head. There were names for women who let themselves be taken that way. Unpleasant names. I ignored these thoughts. I was with Joel, the boy I loved. And I wanted to make him happy.
Joel slid his cock into me, and pushed. I gasped. His cock felt so huge in my ass. It hurt like hell. I felt my ass stretching as he began to thrust into me. I just lay there and took it. I closed my eyes as my man pounded into me. He fucked me. For a long time. He slammed his dick into my asshole. Hard. And then he came. Yes, he came. Shot his load right up my ass. Sending his seed deep inside me. I had never felt anything like this before. I had tears in my eyes. I felt abased but alive. Joel smiled and caressed my face. He pulled out of me, then fell asleep on top of me. Passed-out drunk.
And this is how I lost my virginity to my best friend and fuck buddy, Joel Smith. I wonder if he knows how much of myself I gave to him that night. How much I love him. Because I do. I have loved him for a long time. And I know that he cares for me too. But I can't ask him to date me or hell, even move in together. Joel flies solo. That's how he is. He is a good friend and a terrific lover. Asking for commitment is asking too much. He is in love already. He loves the world and all the men and women in it. He loves life. For these reasons, he cannot be with anyone. Not even me. I understand this. I don't have to like it. That's just the way it is.