- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Born From a Passage by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
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For the image of the pitiful child,
Now this world, novel, blows in -
For the strafing of the friable mind,
Archives of a mothballed life -
Each heart expecting
With eyes.
Each decade of the laughing eyes
Grows with longing, sailing time;
Ocean full of fish eyes -
Pooled, outsized. No regret
For YOUR slippery future.
- COMMENTS
twelveooneabout 11 years agoused so well
give em' hell
loved it
For the strafing of the friable mind,
Archives of a mothballed life -
and the eyes as said as below
5ed
Angelineabout 11 years agoI gave you a five because the images are good and like Sandyb said the overall effect is surreal. I also like the extended "eyes" metaphor. I'm a little familiar with Marquez, very little, so I'm probably missing most of the direct references. Still I think your poem would be strengthened by some editing (for starters, I'd separate those first 6 lines into strophes of the first two and then the next four lines--it reads with more of a rhetorical punch to me that way). Also not sure that last line is really working as well as it could. And there is too much telling in the title! But it's all good material to work with. Just my opinion of course and welcome to the Lit poetry world. :-)
sandybabout 11 years agoInteresting poem. I think you capture some of Marquez in your surreal imagry.
