Brown Eyes Ch. 06byKarennaC©
"Curiosity, have you heard from Truetouch lately?" my friend Deirdre asked me in the chat room one night.
"Not for a couple of days," I replied. Not since the day Javier had informed me that we were just friends with benefits. I knew he was busy with work, and he'd said he still wanted to see me, but I couldn't help thinking that his lack of contact was because he was still annoyed that my friends had considered us a couple.
"You two are coming to the meet and greet weekend after next, right?" Deirdres asked.
"As far as I know." I felt queasy at the thought. Javier had mentioned the meet and greet to me, but although I'd agreed to go I felt like it would be a mistake. Something negative was going to happen there, and I couldn't figure out what or how to get out of going.
"That's good," Deirdre said. "You two make such a good couple."
"We aren't a couple," I typed quickly. "We're just friends."
"Honey, I saw you two at the last meet and greet. That wasn't just friends."
Fortunately, someone asked a question about the party Deirdre was planning, which took her attention off me. I didn't want to talk about the discussion Javier and I'd had, or about how angry he'd seemed when some of my friends had told him to treat me well. I couldn't understand why he still wanted to see me if he was so concerned that people not think of us as a couple, but I hadn't had a chance to ask him. And I was learning that asking Javier questions like that irritated him.
While I was in the chat room, my cell rang. Hoping it was Javier, I picked it up and was disappointed to see my ex-husband's number. He was the last person I wanted to talk to, but if I didn't answer, he would keep calling until I did. I sighed and flipped open the phone. "Hello?"
"Sorry to bug you, but I thought you might care that my grandmother's sick."
I rolled my eyes. He didn't apologize for bugging me when he called to ask where he'd left some paperwork I didn't even know about, or when he'd called me at Javier's to accuse me of taking off for a piece of ass. He knew damn well that I still liked his family. This was just his way of being a jerk. "What's wrong with her?" I asked.
"Like it matters to you."
I gritted my teeth so I wouldn't yell. "If it didn't matter, I wouldn't have asked. And if you're going to be an ass, I'll hang up."
He knew I meant it, and for whatever sick reason he couldn't take me hanging up on him. "They think she might have had a stroke. She's in the hospital. I'm not going to see her; I hate those places."
I remembered. I'd had surgery once during the marriage and he hadn't come to see me. Hadn't even bothered bringing me to and from the hospital; I'd had to ask my parents to do that. And while I'd been home recovering, my ex had called me a lazy bitch along with a few other choice names, and had refused to do any of the housework because I was home all day and was apparently supposed to do it.
"Thanks for letting me know," I said.
"Are you going to go see her? Or can't you tear yourself away from your new fuck buddy?"
"He isn't a fuck buddy." Tears stung my eyes. I should have known it would come back to this. My ex had never been able to stand other men even looking at me, and nothing had changed now that we were divorced.
"Yeah, right. What do you call it? You're such a fucking liar. You told me you hated sex when we were married, and now you go off to Massachusetts to fuck some guy you barely know? What is he, black or something?"
"What the hell does his race have to do with anything?" I didn't even bother responding to his accusations about sex. Those hurt a lot, but I was used to them. I wasn't going to let him put Javier down, though.
"He lives in Massachusetts."
"So everyone who lives in Massachusetts is black? You've just taken ignorance to new heights. Most of my friends in Massachusetts are white."
"I've heard things."
He was lying. Even though I was friends with some of his family members, including his mother, I hadn't told anyone about Javier. "You've only heard your own prejudice," I said. "I'm hanging up."
"So he is black?"
"What an idiot! No, he's not black. If you really want to know, he's Latino. Happy now? Get out of my face."
"Latino? That's just fucking great, Adrienne. Why can't you stick with your own kind?"
"I stick with people who are intelligent and respectful. Unlike you. I'm hanging up." This time, I did.
He called back a few times, but I didn't answer, and he finally gave up. I shouldn't have been surprised. He'd always been prejudiced, and some of our worst arguments had occurred when he'd caught me looking at men of other races. I wasn't quite sure how he'd taken the fact that Javier lived in Massachusetts to mean that Javier wasn't white, but then again, he'd made wilder accusations.
The final time he called, he left a voice mail. "You're nothing but a fucking whore, Adrienne, and I hope you're happy. No other man would want you anyway."
I wanted to throw the phone against the wall. How could he say that? Not that it was different from anything he'd ever said to me. I hated him! What fucking right did he have to treat me that way? I wasn't even his wife anymore; my personal life was none of his goddamn business!
I brought my arm back to fling the phone, but just as I was about to let go of it, it rang again. I figured it was him, but this time it was Javier. I swallowed hard to keep my anger and tears from showing in my voice and answered. "Hello?"
"What's wrong?" he asked immediately.
"Bull. I can hear it in your voice. What happened?"
I curled up on the couch. "I just got another phone call from my ex."
"Adrienne, why do you answer the phone when he calls? You know the man can't treat you respectfully. Why do you keep exposing yourself to that? You're stronger than that."
When Javier said I was strong, I almost believed it. That was about the only time I did. I'd been strong enough to leave my ex, but that had been a matter of survival more than anything, and it had taken me far too long to make the decision. Then again, I hadn't felt like I deserved to be treated any better than what my ex gave me. I still sometimes wondered whether I did.
"He calls until I answer," I said.
"Then you shut off the ringer. I keep telling you that, don't I? You don't have to talk to anyone you don't want to. What did he say tonight?"
"He called me a whore, and he insulted you."
I hesitated. I didn't want Javier to know what my ex had really said; it would just make him angry. My stomach twisted at the thought. "Just more of the crap like he said when I was at your place last weekend."
"I hope you told him I'm a piece of cock, not a piece of ass."
That got a laugh out of me, as it had the first time Javier had said it. "I didn't tell him that, but I'll make sure he's aware."
"Are you aware of it?"
"Yes, I think I've experienced your piece of cock."
"And was it a good experience?"
"Very good," I said.
"One you'd like to repeat?"
"So you'd like to feel my long, thick cock inside your hot, wet pussy again?"
It was pretty clear where this conversation was going, and I was glad to let it go there. Anything to take my mind off the conversation with my ex. I sat on the couch and put my feet up. "I'd love to feel that."
"You would, huh? And what would you do first?"
"I'd suck your cock."
"You'd take my thick cock into your mouth and suck it? You'd lick my shaft and tongue my balls until I was ready to empty my come into your waiting mouth?"
Damn, why did he have to be so far away? If he'd been closer, I would have jumped in my car, driven to him, and fucked him silly. The man was a master at phone sex, no question, and he never failed to make me so horny I could hardly stand it. "Yes, I would," I said.
"Would you rim my ass?"
Given how he'd reacted when I'd done that for him before, I had to say, "Yes, I would."
"Is that all you can say? Tell me what you would do, Adrienne."
A nervous giggle escaped me. "You say it a lot better than I could."
"Then you need to practice saying it. Tell me, what would you do to me?"
"I'd suck your cock," I said. What else could I say? "I'd savor the taste and texture of your cock in my mouth. I'd suck you until you came."
Javier laughed. "It's a start. We need to work on you telling me what you really want. But that's okay. Are you wet?"
"What would you want me to do about that?"
"Finger me like you did the night we met."
"You liked that, did you? You liked standing in the parking lot with me, with my hand up your skirt playing with your clit? Knowing that anyone could see us? People did, you know. There were people watching us."
I wasn't sure if that was true or not, but I couldn't deny how exciting the thought was. I'd never thought I was into exhibitionism, but I'd learned a lot about myself since I'd met Javier. "There were?"
"Yes, there were. How does that make you feel, carina?"
"I... I don't know."
"Yes, you do. Does it make you hornier to know that we were watched?"
"Yes," I admitted.
"I knew it would. You showed it that night. You have definite exhibitionist tendencies. Like when you sucked my cock while we were on the highway. You liked knowing that people might see, didn't you?"
"I'd like to explore that more with you. There's a lot you don't know about yourself sexually, isn't there?"
"You know there is." I'd told Javier enough about my past for him to understand why that was the case.
"Would you like to explore it?"
"Yeah, I guess." I bit my lip. Why did the idea make me so uncomfortable? I trusted Javier as much as I was capable of trusting anyone. But that was the problem. I didn't trust anyone much.
As usual, Javier picked up on my change in tone. "What's wrong?"
"It's just not what I'm used to. Exploring, I mean."
"You're not used to giving yourself permission to try things," he said. "Carina, sex is a good thing. It's a positive, enjoyable thing. It's okay for you to like what we've done so far, and it's okay for you to try new things with me if you want to. Do you understand?"
"Good. So where were we? Ah, yes, You liked it when I fingered you that first night. You know, I wanted to fuck you that night."
"I wanted that too."
"But someone didn't have her own room."
"Hey, wait a minute. I'm not the only one who didn't have a room that night."
"I live less than an hour from where the meet and greet happened. I didn't need a room."
"You still didn't have one."
"True. So back to what we were talking about. Did you like it when I sucked your juices from my finger?"
"Yes. That was hot."
"So you'd like to see me do that again?"
"Yes, I would. And I'd like you to go down on me."
"There you go. See, you can tell me what you want. You'd like to feel my tongue on your clit?"
"Yes." Almost without my realizing it, my hand started rubbing my pussy through my shorts. "I want you to taste me."
"I'd like that too. And then when we've tasted each other, I plunge my hard cock into your hot, wet hole and fuck you hard."
"Yes." I slipped my hand inside my shorts and panties. My pussy was soaking wet.
"I pull out and come on your breasts."
"No," I said. "I don't like having anything on me."
"Have you ever tried it?"
"No. But it sounds messy."
He laughed again. "Other women have told me it's very pleasurable. And it's hot for a man to see a woman wearing his cum. You should try it, but if you don't want to, that's all right too. In that case, I would have to come in your mouth, because I won't come inside you. I wouldn't want to take any chances."
"Okay. Then you pull out and I take you in my mouth again." My hand moved faster on my clit. "I suck you until you come in my mouth again."
"Then you keep sucking until I'm hard again, because we aren't done yet. Do you know what I'd do next?"
"Fuck my ass?"
"Uh huh. I'd penetrate your tight asshole slowly. You would feel the pain mixed with pleasure; you wouldn't know whether to beg me to stop or to continue."
"I don't like pain."
"It would only hurt for a moment, carina. I'd be gentle, I promise. You should have a butt plug; that would make it easier. Maybe I'll get you one for the next time I see you."
More nervous laughter from me at the thought of Javier buying me a butt plug. Or anything else. "When are we going to see each other again?" I asked to change the subject.
"We're going to the next meet and greet, aren't we? This time, we'll make sure we get a room. Some of the rooms there have Jacuzzis, right?"
"Yes. But the Jacuzzi rooms are expensive. A hundred and fifty, and they have a special rate for the other rooms for our group, so those are only sixty-five."
"Have you ever been in a Jacuzzi?"
"Then it's worth the extra price to make that happen for you. Let's make that a night of firsts for you, Adrienne. Anything you've never done, anything you've wanted to try, I want to make happen. So make a list."
"Making a list and checking it twice?"
"You make the list, I'll check it. Are you touching yourself now?"
"Make yourself come for me. I'm stroking my cock thinking about all the things we could do the night of the party. I want to hear you pleasuring yourself."
I wasn't sure I could do that over the phone. It made me feel awkward to know that someone was listening. But I pressed my finger against my clit harder, and in my mind I pictured Javier's beautiful brown eyes looking into mine, his naked body against mine contrasting brown with white. "Are you playing with yourself, carina?" he asked.
"Yes." I moaned softly.
"Are you pretending it's my fingers touching you?"
"Tell me, Adrienne."
"It's your hand touching me. Your fingers. Your cock. Oh, fuck!" I was almost there.
"Does it make you hot to hear my voice and know I'm listening to you?"
"Then come for me. Let me hear you."
For a moment longer, I fingered my clit, then finally felt my orgasm hit. I cried out Javier's name as I came. "Good girl, carina," he said.
I tried to catch my breath. "Damn, that was almost as good as if you'd been with me."
"Almost, huh? Glad it wasn't as good; then you wouldn't need me anymore. Thank you for sharing that with me. I have to go finish some paperwork now. Talk to you soon, all right?"
"Sleep with the angels."
"Sleep with the angels." I closed my phone and lay down. Within moments, I was asleep.
* * *
For a couple of days, I didn't hear from my ex. It was a welcome respite. The man was apparently incapable of letting me be happy, which was somewhat understandable since he was miserable himself.
I didn't hear much from Javier either, unfortunately. I knew he was busy at work, but something felt off to me, like there was another reason he wasn't calling or IMing. I told myself it was just my own issues that made me think that way. After all, I still questioned why Javier was even interested in me, so it made sense that I'd try to sabotage it by convincing myself he wasn't interested anymore. But even though I tried to talk myself out of thinking that way, the sinking feeling in my stomach remained every time I thought about Javier. Which was constantly.
Thursday morning, the phone woke me. Half asleep, I answered without checking the caller ID. Big mistake. "So are you still fucking the spic?" my ex demanded.
"Are you still a racist asshole?" I snapped.
"Don't call me an asshole."
"Then don't act like one. Get it through your head. We're no longer married. That means my personal life is none of your business. Go get a life of your own and leave me alone."
"Don't hang up. I need to ask you something."
"You call me and call a friend of mine something like that, and then you want to ask me something? Hell no!" If Javier was there, he'd have told me to hang up, I told myself. I didn't have to stay on the phone when my ex was like this.
"No. My sanity's important, and you aren't helping it. Goodbye." I closed the phone.
Of course he called back several more times, but I managed to persuade myself not to answer. It was foreign to me to stand up to him; I'd only been able to do it because of Javier. But it felt good. It made me feel powerful to finally go through a day not letting my ex control things.
That night, Javier IMed. "How was your day?" he asked.
"My ex started shit with me first thing this morning, but I hung up and didn't answer when he called back," I replied.
"Good for you. How did that feel?"
"Great. He's done a lot to me over the years. It's about time I stood up for myself."
"That's what I've told you. Other than that, how was your day?"
"Good. Quiet. I didn't really do much, just some writing and hanging out in the chat room. How was yours?"
"Long. I had several sessions, and there was a crisis with one of my clients that necessitated staying at the hospital emergency room for a few hours until his mother could be found."
"That's too bad. Is he okay?"
"He will be, but I had to file paperwork to have Child Protective investigate his mother. She knew he was suicidal but had left him alone when she went to work. He's only ten, young to be left alone anyway, and this isn't the first time he's attempted to harm himself."
"He's had some serious abuse in the past from his mother's boyfriends. That's why I see him."
"Yes, it is. But enough about that. I want to talk about cheerful things. Have you made your list for the meet and greet?"
"No, not yet."
"It's a week from Saturday. You'd better get to work. We are still going, aren't we?"
I wanted to tell him no. I had such a strong feeling that I should break the date that I had to get up and walk away from the computer to keep myself from saying so. I'd always had good instincts, and I'd learned to listen to them. But I didn't want to believe that anything would go wrong with Javier. After a few seconds I sat back down and typed, "Of course we are."
"You had to think about that for a while."
"No, I thought someone was at the door."
"Then why did you take so long to answer me?"
The sinking feeling hit my stomach again. He was angry, I could feel it. What could I say to calm him? "I told you, I went to the door. I answered you as soon as I saw your question."
"If you don't want to go to the meet and greet, say so. Don't make excuses."
"I'm not." I forced back tears. "I do want to go."
"Well, maybe I don't. I feel like you're lying to me, and I don't like that."
"I'm not lying." Another lie.
"I don't believe you. I'll let you know if I want to go to the meet with you." He signed out abruptly.
I gave up trying to keep back the tears. How had he known I was lying? Or had he just assumed? Whichever the case, I'd fucked up. "I can't do anything right!" I shouted. "I'm such a fucking screw up!"
That didn't help, of course. I started crying harder. I'd never been able to handle other people's anger well, especially after years with my ex had taught me that anger hurt. Even before that, though, I'd cringed any time anyone raised their voice at me, and I'd always believed that if someone got mad, that was the end of the friendship or relationship. Which meant that I'd just completely lost Javier, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.
For an hour, all I could do was sob. Every time I thought I'd calmed down, I thought again about the conversation and the tears started all over again. When I heard the IM tone on my computer, I ignored it, but then got curious about who it was. Was it possible that Javier wanted to talk to me again?