Caroline Ch. 09.02byVitorio©
If you are new to this series please read the intro to Ch 01 so you'll know what to expect. It isn't strictly necessary to read the earlier chapters but some of this won't make sense if you don't so I hope you will!
There is some repetition here as Lena tells the tale from her perspective. It's one of the problems that occur when using different 'voices' to tell the story so I apologise in advance. I have tried to cut it down.)
Lena's view and lovemaking at the Villa.
Hi, me again. Phew, what an evening that was. It's nice that I can tell you how both Mike and I felt about what happened, and his lovemaking that evening. I'm going to go over everything again so you can see how it affected Mike and me.
Well you can imagine how Mike and I were that afternoon. We couldn't wait to get back and find out what had happened. All afternoon we were talking about it, wondering how Jo would be if he left, how she and he would be if he stayed. I must admit it was a tense afternoon but Mike was wonderful really. We strolled along the promenade in Stresa watching the young couples holding hands.
"Aren't they lovely," he said looking at them. "I love it here this time of the year. They're all so young, so in love." He sighed. Oh dear, he was getting maudlin again, his age I suppose.
I hugged him tight, "Well," I said as I kissed him, "I love it too and you are in love too aren't you?"
He smiled at me and nodded.
"Well then, don't be silly." The I reached up and whispered in his ear, "I bet none of those girls get as good as I do!"
He laughed, "Perhaps not," he said then he got really sad, "but they get it far more often and will for longer won't they!"
Oh, how to deal with this? I dragged him to an empty seat and sat close to him. "Don't say that," I said, "remember what you said. We have to take things as they come, remember. We have as long as we have together, let's just enjoy that. Are you still upset about yesterday?" I asked thinking this was what was pulling him down.
"I suppose I am," he said sadly, "but that's all in the past," and he looked at me. "You don't have to worry you know, about Gianna that is. I am fond of her but I don't love her any more: well I suppose I do but it's buried deep inside. I love you now, truly, totally, and deeply."
Oh how he could read me. He'd seen hadn't he. I began to get tearful, I'd let him down again, not trusted his love. "I'm so sorry," I said, "I try but I can't help it. I love you so much I'm frightened all the time that I'll lose you. All those years I didn't know you, things happening, oh it frightens me." I hugged him tight, I didn't care what people thought. "I'm sorry, so sorry."
"Shush," he said gently, "I understand. It frightens me sometimes, all that 'past' but it's not really that that's making me low. I am sorry Lena, but it's Guy, Guy and Jo."
I was suddenly worried. "What do you mean?"
He smiled, "Oh not what you think. I'm not worried about them together, I hope they make it this afternoon, I rather think they will. I have lots of confidence in Jo. It's just that, well, to have Guy there, my son with Joanna, whom I love and not be able to call him son. Do you understand Lena? I'm sorry if I seem a bit maudlin but it is difficult to deal with, having him so close, particularly at this time. It didn't seem to matter quite so much before but now . . . Oh god I wish he knew," he said with such depth of feeling.
There wasn't anything I could do other than hold him but now I became determined that I would try to do something. Oh I knew it was dangerous but this was so bloody unfair. Unfair on all of us but particularly on him. He didn't deserve this did he, he'd paid for his selfishness for years. He didn't need to go on paying. I was determined to talk to Jo about it to see what we could do. Luckily, as it turned out, I didn't need to do anything, it was sorting itself out.
"I'm not happy with this," I said, "it's not fair on you. Why is Gianna so firm about him not knowing?"
"I think she's ashamed really. I know Silvio deserted her but she was still married to him so she feels she's let him down. You've got to understand her Lena. Her background is rural Italy, especially the south. It's all religion and duty, certainly for a woman. It's changed a bit now but 30 years ago it was very much like that and that's how she was brought up." He looked at me and smiled. "I don't blame her really. I did 'trick' her didn't I. I shouldn't have made her pregnant like that but, there you are, that's all in the past." He took a deep breath, "I'll have to deal with it won't I. Come on, let's have a coffee and I'll try and cheer up."
So we did and he did as well. We shopped and sat, sat and shopped for the rest of the afternoon until about 5:30 then we walked back to the villa, quite a long walk really, over half an hour.
When we got back Jo and Guy were nowhere to be seen. "Perhaps they're still in bed," I said laughing.
"Well his car's still here so that's OK."
"I'll go and make some coffee." So I went into the kitchen to rustle up a drink. It took me longer because I had to open some new coffee then I spilt it all and had to clear it up. I heard Guy and Jo come downstairs, then, I assumed Mike, go upstairs, then I heard the front door. By now I was wondering what was happening but I wasn't worried. Jo and Guy were still here and they must have been upstairs when we got back. That had to be good news. So I was surprised to find Jo in such a state when I took the coffee in.
I found her sitting on the settee in tears, quietly sobbing.
"Oh shit Jo, what's happened? He didn't leave did he?" I said rushing over to her.
"No," she said stopping her tears. "Oh Lena, so much has happened. Come into kitchen."
We both hurried into the kitchen and sat at the dining table. I put my arm round her and shushed her. "It's all right Jo. Tell me what happened. It's all right."
She rested her head on my shoulder just like I did with her when I was in trouble and she told me what had happened. Jo has already written about this so I'll just say how I felt. I was happy to comfort her, she'd done I so often for me and I was certain that he would return. How could he not after the experience of the afternoon? So I just cuddled and listened. As we finished speaking I wanted to try and take her mind off of what had happened so I made sure she was busy with dinner. It was supposed to be special tonight but we couldn't start anything until everybody was here because of the recipes.
I was pottering about when I heard the door close downstairs. I hope that's Guy I thought, for Jo's sake. Then he walked in the kitchen, straight up to her, grabbed her in his arms and kissed her. Do you know he looked just like a younger version of Mike. It was uncanny how much he had changed in such a short time. He looked confident and assured.
"Hello darling one," he said to Jo as he kissed her. Just the sort of thing Mike would say. I just stood there with my mouth open; then he came over to me and kissed me full on the lips, something he'd never done before. Oh, I'd done it to him on a few occasions, embarrassing him no end, but he'd never started it like this. It was nice and I soon noticed that it wasn't a platonic kiss either. I must admit I was a bit taken aback really, lost for words and that IS unusual.
He turned back to Jo smiling warmly at her. "I've sorted it out Jo. My mother is wrong, I'm sure," he said confidently, "No one will find out anything from any of us so why should my father and I suffer, you two shouldn't either." He laughed and looked back at me, "Certainly not such a lovely step-mother." He was so assured; you could almost imagine Mike standing there.
Well, by now I was back in control of myself so I smiled sexily at him and said, licking my lips, "Kiss me again like that and I'll show you something not many step sons experience."
"Lena, leave him alone. He's mine," Jo said then added softly to me, "for now."
At that moment Mike came into the kitchen. "What no dinner yet," he said laughing. Immediately sensing something was happening he looked at Jo then at me, "What?" he said nervously. He saw Guy and looked even more worried.
Then Guy spoke, "It's nothing father," he said looking directly into Mike's eyes, "I was just teasing them."
I looked at Mike and he went as white as a sheet. I rushed to his side as he almost collapsed. Oh god, I thought, don't let anything be wrong. To be honest I hadn't really noticed what Guy said. Mike's reaction had banished everything from my mind. I was struggling to hold him up, his legs seemed to have given way and he looked so shocked. Then Guy rushed to support him, "Oh I'm sorry father, I wanted to surprise you." At that moment I realised what Guy had said earlier and what he said now. He said 'father'. Oh hell, he's decided to tell Mike he knows. Yes, you guessed it, I started to worry, not much yet because I was worried about Mike.
Mike seemed to gather himself and grabbing hold of Guy tightly resting his head on Guy's shoulder. He was crying. That started Guy off, and I couldn't stop myself I was so happy for Mike. The Jo started crying as well. Somehow we all managed to get Mike back to the lounge and sit him down. I sat next to him. I was so worried about him. This was a major shock for him, a good one I know, but still a shock. To show I loved him I held his hand tightly in mine, I was there for him. He looked very shaken but he composed himself. He turned to Guy, "Son," he said. He said it softly, as if he enjoyed the sound of the word, "son, you don't know how much I've wanted to say that word to you. My boy, come here and hug your father," and he held out his arms.
So Guy hugged Mike who began to cry again. I think that it was getting too much for him. I put my arms round both of them, so did Jo. Here was the man I loved holding his son. I felt so, so happy for him but I still had that little worry about his past. After a while we all calmed down and the two men sat looking at each other.
I won't go over what was said then, Jo has covered it, only to say that it was a funny afternoon and evening really. So much happened so quickly I think it took us all a while to take it in completely. After dinner we chatted and laughed about it all. All through the evening I was getting hotter and hotter thinking about Jo and Guy and I knew I wanted Mike later but I could see that both men were emotionally drained, Mike in particular. Jo looked pretty hot as well, hardly able to keep her hands off Guy.
"Mike," I whispered as they were engaged with each other, "do you want me tonight?"
He smiled at me, "Why precious, do you want me?" he whispered back.
"Mmm," I said smiling at him, "a lot."
"Then I'm yours to command," he said.
Jo heard him, "Command?" she said.
He smiled at her, "Yes, command," he said. The looking at me with a hangdog expression he said, "Oh dear, I have to perform tonight. I suppose I'll have to force myself," then he laughed. I poked my tongue out at him (insurance for later!) and pouted. Jo laughed but Guy seemed embarrassed and somewhat taken aback.
Jo looked at him and I could see she made a decision. "I hope you're not going to let the side down tonight," she said to him. She had decided, I'm sure, to bring sex out into the open so he would be used to talking about it. It was a risky thing to do but I'm pleased to say that Guy proved to be his father's son again.
He looked at his father, "Oh dear dad, it's a pain isn't it, having to perform all the time," and he laughed.
Jo took his head in her hands and kissed him, "You wait till I get you into bed," she said sternly.
We all laughed then she said to me, "Come on Lena, let's get ready. Our men can use the small showers."
Guy looked a bit bemused and I heard Mike say to him as we climbed the stairs, "You'll have to get used to those two Guy." Then more seriously, "The three of us have always been very open about sex . .," and then we went into the shower room.
We had a nice shower and I asked Jo to give me an enema just in case. I didn't really mind what we did tonight, I just wanted him. I suppose I was being selfish really. I wanted him to confirm his love for me, to show how much he loved me. So I felt very wanton but a bit sad as well. I was still worried about the effect of Guy acknowledging him and even more so about Gianna. I didn't let Jo see any of this, she was so happy, looking forward to a night with Guy.
"Shall I give you an enema?" I asked her.
"I don't think he'll want me there yet," she said, "and it's probably too early to introduce him to my bottom. He might think I'm a loose woman," she laughed. Then she thought a bit, "Perhaps I should, just in case. I wouldn't want him to think I didn't like it."
So I gave her an enema too so she was ready for him there if it came to it then I showed her the two housecoats I'd bought in town this afternoon. They were silk and had lovely Chinese designs on them. "I didn't think we ought to float about the house naked, at least until Guy's used to us, so I got these. Aren't they lovely?"
She put hers on. "Oh yes," she said, "and the silk is so sexy isn't it?"
"Mmm," I said, "come on, time to get at it!"
I went into our bedroom and found Mike sitting on the little two seater sofa we had in there. He had his pyjama trousers on which is usually an indication that he doesn't want sex straight away but he had said yes so is thought he probably wanted to talk first.
"You look lovely," he said using his eyes to caress me, "come and sit with me." So I sat next to him and cuddled up. He put his arm round me and held me to him. "Are you OK," he asked concerned.
"Mmm," I said but it must have not sounded very convincing.
"What is it precious, come on tell me."
Well I know I made this vow to myself not to worry about his past but I couldn't stop doing it. And now he was asking me. I knew I had to tell the truth, if you start lying to the one you love you never stop do you.
I held him tightly and spoke softly to him. "I'm so sorry Mike, especially after today, but I was so worried about you. I thought you were ill, you know, when Guy called you father. Then you were so happy. It's selfish of me to worry like I do." I reached up and caressed his cheek. "I love you so much you see, and it frightens me, frightens me that all your past, past that I don't know, is there sort of pulling you back."
He kissed me tenderly, "I understand," he said softly, "it must be difficult for you. So much of my life you don't know about." He was tender now, caressing my cheek, stroking my hair, "But you don't have to worry about that you know, that's all behind me."
"What did you talk about with Guy, you know, while we were making dinner?"
He smiled, "Oh about why he suspected I was his father, about his brothers, about Silvio and about his mother." He must have felt me tense up ever so slightly when he mentioned Gianna. You see I was still jealous of her, it was eating away at me and I suppose it was the real cause of all my worries at the moment.
"What is it sweetheart? It's Gianna isn't it?"
I sobbed, "Oh Mike I can't help it. Believe me I try. I promised myself I wouldn't but I can't help it." I cried into his shoulder. "She's so lovely isn't she, and she's, she's . . ." I couldn't say it but I thought it, 'she's nearer your age'. This made me even worse.
". . . nearer my age," he said holding me away from him and looking in my eyes.
I nodded, still crying. It was so painful, hurting him like this. I wanted to die just then, to stop hurting him. "Oh Mike, I'm so sorry, so, so, sorry. I'll go, I'm no good for you if I keep doubting you like this."
He pulled me to him and held me so tight I thought he would crush me. "I'll never let you go," he said, "you couldn't get away, I'd follow you and bring you back. You've got to stop tearing yourself apart like this Lena." He held me at arms length again and looked into my eyes again.
"Yes, she is still lovely," he said sadly, "possibly even lovelier now and yes, I still want her and, if it wasn't for Silvio, I would probably be with her now. But you must understand Lena, I love YOU, only you." Then he thought for a while. "There's an old Cilla Black song, you probably don't know it but it goes,
'You're my world, you are my night, my day
You're my world, you're every breath I take
And if our love ceases to be
It's the end of my world for me.'
I know it's not fantastic poetry and a bit soppy," he said smiling, "but it says how I feel." He held me very still, "That is how I feel about you, you are my world, you are everything. You must believe that. Jo, Gianna, even Guy are nothing next to you. I'd sacrifice everything for you Lena, everything. Do you understand Lena, everything!"
He was so intense it was almost frightening. His fingers were digging into my arms as he held me, his emotion was raw, painful. It was then, suddenly and after all this time, that I finally realized how strong his love was and I wondered whether mine could match his. What a power I had! My heart went out to him, this wonderful man. I mustn't doubt him any more!
I looked at him and said very seriously, no tears now, "I do understand now. I've hurt you again! I'm being unfair, childish and possessive," I said to him.
I grew up then.
I had thought I was grown up before but I realised now that I was still a child really and my love for him was a juvenile love. Jo was right, it could so easily have turned into a selfish love but not now. Now I knew, I had grown up.
"I love you," I said firmly, confident now, "and it isn't a selfish love, it was but it never will be again. I won't be jealous of your past any more because I have your future. I don't think I realised until now just what real love was about." He went to speak. "No," I said stopping him, "let me finish. But I do now. I'm sorry for my doubt. I won't doubt you any more, no more tears, no more worry." I smiled, "I've grown out of those feelings."
He looked at me with 'those' eyes, devouring me, enjoying the love shining out of my eyes, then he held me close. He knew now, too, that it was all right. I realised then that I had probably taken some of the pleasure out of Guy calling him father so I wanted to find out how he felt without me dragging him down.
"Mike," I said thoughtfully, snuggling up to him. "what was it like Guy calling you 'father'? You don't mind me asking do you?"
"Of course not. Well, it took my breath away actually. That's why I nearly collapsed. I didn't know what to think, to feel, then he said it again and I knew I hadn't misheard the first time. Oh Lena, can you imagine all those years pretending he was 'like' a son to me when I knew he was my son and I couldn't acknowledge him. It all hit me in one go when he called me father. How did he know, was he pleased, did he even like being my son, really? I was a bit, well, bollixed I suppose. The emotion of it all made me cry, then all I wanted to do was hold him."
"He seemed different somehow, after he came back."
"Yes, he did. I can only suppose that all those years of having to pretend, not let me know he knew, affected how he behaved. Once he put all that behind him his true self could come out." He smiled, "He really is like me," he said proudly, "isn't he Lena?"
I smiled too, at his pleasure, "Yes," I said, "he's like a younger version of you. Even more so now, he even says things that you might say, you know, when you were messing about earlier."
He looked at me with those lovely blue/grey eyes boring into me, "You want him don't you?" He wasn't playing now, he was being deadly serious. You see, I did want him, how couldn't I, he was a young Mike after all and I loved Mike didn't I. I couldn't lie to him, not over this, not now, so I took a deep breath and hoped he'd understand.