Caroline Ch. 10.05byVitorio©
Caroline – Part 2, Ch. 10.05
If you are new to this series please read the intro to Ch 01 so you'll know what to expect. It isn't strictly necessary to read the earlier chapters but some of this won't make sense if you don't so I hope you will.)
Joanna's Tale, 09:
Jo and Mike
After Lena left we got dressed and had a quiet day as she has described. She didn't tell you that we spent most of Monday afternoon in bed together while our men played golf. We didn't make love, well not properly, just held each other and went over what had happened last night. She noticed how excited I got when she told me about Mike spanking her, particularly when she said how much it hurt when he delivered the really hard smacks at the end.
"You mustn't think like that Jo," she said seriously. Then sympathetically, "You're not really over it are you?"
I knew what she meant, that masochistic streak that Steve had managed to imprint in my mind. "I can handle the feelings most of the time," I said softly, "but when you tell me what Mike did they sort of well up and I get excited. I don't want to but I can't help it."
"Well," she said, "you know he'll never do that to you don't you. He wouldn't risk it."
"No," I said, "and, really, I don't want him to because I don't want to risk it either." I looked at her and held her tightly to me, "It'd be far to easy to go down that road again. Oh Lena, it's so near you know. Only love and understanding keep it at bay. I have to be so careful with Guy. I could seduce him with it you know, he's so innocent emotionally."
She smiled, "But you won't will you. You love him too much and Mike would suspect wouldn't he and he'd stop you. Love and tenderness will help put those feelings behind you Jo and you know we all love you."
She made me feel so much better and I was happy when the men came back from their golf.
We went to bed quite early on Monday night. I think all of us were tired from the emotional and physical exertions of the weekend. I snuggled up to Guy in bed that night and we slept soundly. I would have made love to him had he wanted but he seemed happy just to hold me. Just another example of his maturity I suppose, that he wasn't keen to be 'at it' like a rabbit. Well, little did he know, that he was going to get Lena on Tuesday night.
Tuesday was another quiet day with lots of discussion about blessings, weddings, planning, shopping and clothes. My mum and dad were due to fly out to Bologna that afternoon so I phoned them and told them all about Guy and marriage. To say they were surprised was an understatement! I'm not sure they were really happy about my marrying Guy in Italy but I said I would explain everything when I saw them next week at Nardo's. I did say that Mike had spoken to Nardo about mum organising things and they could speak to him when they arrived. I know Mike had asked Nardo and Sarah to make a special effort with them because they would probably feel a little left out.
We all went out for a boat trip on the lake in the afternoon, Mike has a friend with a motor launch and he borrowed it to take us down to Arona, a large town about halfway down the lake. There are some marvellous shops there and Lena and I wiled away the time shopping while Mike and Guy ogled the girls. I should say that neither of us minded that. As Mike always said, quoting Paul Newman I think, 'Why go out and eat hamburgers when you've got steak at home'. He was talking about his lovely wife Joanne Woodward at the time so I can see what he means!
That afternoon I was thinking about the coming evening with Mike and how I would ask Guy. All through the journey back I was trying to judge how he was, was it the right time to broach the subject, but I couldn't get up my courage. Back at the villa, as we prepared dinner, Lena suggested that I wait until later on then she would take Mike up to the roof so I could talk to Guy. That seemed to be the best idea so I relaxed a bit for the meal.
After the meal Lena volunteered her and Mike for the washing up. Guy and I went into the lounge and sat together. After a while of just holding each other I realised that I had to say something about tonight. It had to be now didn't it. As Lena says, it's best to get these things over and done with straight away before they have time to fester so I turned to Guy, took a deep breath and started to say, "Guy, tonight . . . .?"
He looked at me and I could see he knew, he knew what I was going to ask. Had I been so transparent, I suppose I had. I didn't know then how perceptive he was (and is) and, even this early in our relationship, he could read me pretty well. He always had more trouble with Lena however, so that wasn't too bad.
"Yes," he said softly, "I don't mind," and he took a deep breath. He was having some trouble understanding I think so I felt I had to explain to him. Explain how I felt, why I wanted this.
"Oh Guy hold me, please, hold me tight. I need to tell you how I feel."
"You don't have to," he said looking down at me, "I love you and I want you to be happy. If you want to go with father, and that makes you happy, then it's OK with me." He said this in a determined fashion, as if convincing himself that it was right. I needed to put his mind to rest about how I felt so I began.
"Guy, love, look it is difficult for me because I understand how you feel. It's all so new isn't it, these last few days. Hell, we've all had some difficulty in dealing with it but I do love you, love you so much, and going with Mike doesn't change that. Just as going with Lena doesn't change that. It's just, oh, it's just that I need to go with him." Oh hell, how was I going to explain this? I could think of only one way.
"Guy, I need to tell you about Steve. He was the man I was telling you about, the one I had a bad time with."
He held me tight, "You don't have to you know."
"I know," I said, "but I must, don't you see? It's the only way I can think of to give you a chance to understand how I feel about your father. Why I love him in the way I do. Will you listen?"
"Put your arms round me then, I need you to help me through this. Will you let me finish, don't ask me questions or anything. You can at the end. Is that OK?"
He must have realised how difficult this was going to be for me because he said again, "Jo, you don't have to do this you know. I don't need to know."
"But you do," I said, "for lots of reasons, not only how I feel about Mike but some other things as well." I was thinking of the pain and the pleasure. He needed to know about that just in case!
So I began to tell him about Steve, all about him. The way he trapped me, the way he abused me, the films, and, finally that film. He hugged me tighter and tighter as if he wanted to protect me. I told him how Lena had arranged for us to 'share' Mike and how he had reacted initially and then how we had grown to love each other in our own way. A way that was no threat to how Lena and Mike felt about each other. Then I told him about the hospital and what Steve tried to do and how Mike reacted. By the end I was crying softly, the memories flooding back.
"Ssshhh," he said, "I think I understand now," and he looked down at me. "You never have to be frightened again Jo, never. No one will ever hurt you again, I'll see to that." He took a great big breath to control his feelings. I didn't realise it then but he later told Mike he was close to tears as I told him and so angry he would probably have done Steve some serious harm had he been nearby. "I love you Joanna and I won't let anything happen to you. You must go to father, he needs you I think and you need him just as you need Lena. I do understand how you feel."
I kissed him and snuggled close wallowing in his love and his nearness, feeling a sense of wonder at how lucky I was to have these people around me. Also I couldn't help a secret inner smile and a desire to watch his reaction when Lena came down to him.
I gave him a big kiss and said, "I'm going up to Mike now, OK?"
He laughed, "Yes, I'm OK. Enjoy yourself." I thought to myself, he thinks he's sleeping in the spare room tonight – will he be surprised and I smiled a little smile.
"I'll send Lena down to keep you company with I talk to Mike."
He smiled, "OK," he said. He still hadn't twigged had he. He was very innocent at that time, but he did grow out of it! I didn't really want to leave him there on his own but I knew that Lena would come down as soon as I got upstairs so I pulled away from him and went up to the roof.
I got there just as Mike was kissing Lena, "Don't forget he's mine tonight," I said laughing, "Don't wear him out!"
Mike looked at me with those eyes of his. I felt them touching me and, for some reason, I felt shy, girlish almost. I suppose it had been a while since I been with him properly on my own and then it was just after Steve and the hospital so I felt different. Also, I had been with Guy in the meantime. All I know is I felt funny!
"Hell, you look gorgeous," he said, "come here and hug us both."
I didn't need a second bidding and hugged them tightly.
"He was Ok then," Lena asked.
"Yes. He said he understood, he kissed me and told me to enjoy myself. Oh Lena, he's wonderful." Then I looked at Mike, an older version of the man I loved so much, "Just like his father," I said and I kissed him.
"Did you say anything about him and me?"
"No, not really. I thought you could go down now and seduce him," I said with a laugh.
"Mmm, that's a good idea," she said and disappeared downstairs.
"Come and lay next to me," Mike said smiling up at me, "and we can look at the stars together."
It was really romantic night and I laid next to him and snuggled up. "Lena's very excited about tonight," he said laughing, "I hope Guy can cope."
I laughed, "He'll be all right I think. Don't forget, he has seen all your DVDs."
He was suddenly serious, "Are you sure about tonight Jo. It's up to you?"
"Mmm," I said, "as sure as I am about anything. Now be quiet and let's watch the stars together." For some reason I just wanted to lay there holding him. I think I did have a lot to say to him but it was better said later when we weren't likely to be disturbed. We lay quietly together for a while enjoying each other, the stars and the night. I heard Lena and Guy come up to the roof, sit down and talk softly together.
Mike must have heard them as well, "Hello you two," he said. "What a marvellous evening, clear as a bell." Then he held me tightly to him making me feel so wonderful in his arms. It was such a lovely night that we all just lay there taking in the romance of the evening. After a while I heard Lena talking to Guy then she came over to me.
"Jo, shall we get ready?" she said softly.
"Mmm," I said, "isn't it a lovely night." I felt really romantic. "A night for making love. Yes, let's get ready to enjoy these men," and I undid myself from Mike and looked down at him. He smiled up at me. "See you downstairs," I said as I walked away with Lena.
In the shower we washed and prepared our bottoms, powdered ourselves and did each other's hair.
"I don't know why Jo," Lena said, "but I'm so excited. Not in the normal way. I don't know how to explain it. It's almost as if I'm going with Mike for the first time, like, in the past." I could see that she was really looking forward to her first time with Guy. Funny though, she hadn't really been with many men in this way had she. Well none really other than Mike.
"I know," I said, "I felt that with Guy too. I must admit I'm really excited about going with Mike. It seems such a long time since I had him."
"It is isn't it apart from the time during your period."
"Yes. Was Guy OK with you?"
"He's a little bit shy but I think we got over that." She laughed, "I got him to admit that he fancied me right from the start so I think he's going to be OK."
"What about him cumming inside you, do you need to use a condom?"
She laughed, "Thankfully no because we haven't got any! The pills cause me to release a hormone that kills sperm because I'm supposed to be pregnant. So no problems there. He likes bottoms doesn't he?"
I smiled, remembering him there, "Oh yes, he certainly likes bottoms. He was a long time in mine Sunday night! You'll enjoy him there. He's not as big as Mike but longer." Then, wanting to see Mike, "Oh come on let's get to the bedrooms, I need a man!"
Now that sounds very brash doesn't it and I did feel that way as I left the bathroom but as I neared the bedroom door I started to feel the same as before, shy, girlish, and inexperienced. But I knew I wasn't shy, girlish or inexperienced! As Lena went into Guy I stood for a moment to get hold of myself. Why did I feel like this with Mike. He'd had me before hadn't he so there was nothing different there. Indeed the last time in my bottom when I had my period was as naughty as you can get I suppose so why, why was I so apprehensive and shy. I went over it in my mind. I'd been with Mike four times but only once on my own, that was after Steve and the hospital. I had very strong desires then to reward him for what he did. That wasn't like tonight. Tonight I was going to him without those feelings, just a woman wanting to go with a man. It wasn't so much 'reward' this time as just needing to be with him. A much older man who was the father of the man she loved. Oh! Perhaps the age difference was really kicking in now. I wanted him tonight, now, because I loved him in that special way and because I wanted to say thank you to him for all he had done, being shared, getting me over Steve, and for Guy.
Oh my, it was almost like going to see my father. That was what it was. Now I realised that as well as being a father figure to Lena he was one to me as well but unlike my own father, I wanted him sexually. Oh dear, now I was confused! So, standing there thinking hadn't really helped had it! I took a deep breath and tried to calm my beating heart, why was it beating so? I pushed open the door and went inside. Mike was sitting on the chaise longue and wearing pyjama trousers like he had on Sunday with Lena. I knew this meant he wanted to talk, to chat me up if you like, before making love. In my confused state I wasn't too unhappy about this, I wanted to sort out my feelings as well.
As I entered he stood and looked at me. "God you're beautiful," he said giving me THAT look. He seemed to see right through my housecoat and it was as if his eyes were stroking my body. I rushed to him, threw my arms around his neck, and kissed him. Then I held him tight. He must have sensed something was wrong. He pulled me down to sit next to him and cupped my face in his hand.
"What is it darling, is something wrong?"
I looked up at him coyly, "No, oh, no, well, err . . ."
He smiled, "You don't have to stay if you don't want to. Are you worried about Guy, or Guy and Lena?"
"Oh no, no. I want to, really. I'm not worried about them." I smiled, "I expect Lena has him in hand by now, it's just, it's just . . ." I was finding it difficult to put into words just how I felt. I didn't want to hurt him, to remind him he was that much older but it was difficult because that fact was the major cause of my shyness.
"You don't have to be shy with me Joanna, you can say or do anything you want, you know that."
"Mmm, I know," I said, "it's just that I feel so shy. There I've said it. I don't know why, especially after last time. Oh Mike, I'm sorry, it's so difficult."
I looked up into his eyes, "I don't want to upset you," I said beginning to feel a tear form.
"Can I guess," he said and without waiting for an answer went on, "You feel shy because you're coming to have sex with an older man, right?"
"The father of the man you love?"
I nodded again.
"So perhaps you feel like you're coming to make love to your father, or to a father figure. As I'm possibly a father figure to you it's making you shy. Is that it?"
I sniffed, "Yes, I think so, I'm sorry. I want you so much you know, so much it hurts even though I have got Guy I still want you."
Again he cupped my chin in his hand and moved my face to look into his. He kissed me tenderly. "I've had all this with Lena you know," he said smiling. "She thought it was a bit seedy her seeing me as a father figure, you know, a bit incestuous. Is it like that?"
Calmed now by his understanding I said, "I don't think of it as seedy, I just feel so nervous, like the first time. I think it is a bit like that. Oh, I've never thought of my father like that," I added thinking he might think I had.
He laughed, "I know," he said, "I think it's just the idea of me. Anyway," he continued laughing, "you will be my 'daughter' soon won't you, well, daughter-in-law." Then he became more serious. "Joanna, darling, you don't have to feel shy with me but if you want to it might make it even better for you. I've already told Lena, the fact that I'm older than you, that I do have daughters older than you, may often make me behave a bit like a father to you too. I don't think I can help that because I love you both so much and I want you to be happy. The fact that I'm also your lover I suppose makes it even more intense. If it bothers you, me treating you like that sometimes, you must tell me. I think that for Lena, it's part of her love for me. I don't know. She does need the stability I hope I give her but for you it's different I suppose."
He was right in one way and not in the other. "You're right, Lena does need that stability, she had such an emotionally deprived childhood with no father figure. You give her that and your love as a man. It's not quite the same for me. Oh Mike, I was so mixed up after Steve and you being shared gave me emotional stability after that experience. I was lucky, I have a great mum and dad so I didn't really need that sort of support but I did need a rock to cling to after Steve and you were it. I don't want to lose that feeling for you, it was and is, so important to me. Without you none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have found myself again, not met Guy, not be here now to be married in a month." I held him tight. "I love you and I think I always will. Oh not in the way I love Guy, you know that, but I still do. That's why I wanted you tonight and I'll still want you in the future."
I felt happier now I'd explained myself to him and he seemed to understand as we sat together holding each other.
After a little while he moved away and looked at me, "Tell me about Guy," he said, "is everything OK with you two?"
Now he was being a father wasn't he, a father to both of us. It was nice. I smiled up at him, "Yes, very, very OK. Oh Mike I love him so much. It must be like how Lena feels about you. He makes me tingle when he looks at me, when he touches me and I feel as if I want to make him happy all the time. Even tonight I still think of him, him and Lena. I want her to make him happy." I looked at him and smiled, "Well, I know she will anyway. Are you sure you don't mind her with him."
He smiled softly at the thought, "How can I Jo. She only wants him so much because she sees him as a younger version of me so of course she wants him. With him she captures my youth," he ended sadly.
I could see now that, although he showed great understanding to us both it was difficult for him. "But she really loves you, now, doesn't she? Not the idea of you when you were young. You have to hold on to that." I felt the need to comfort him. Perhaps he was beginning to become maudlin again, worrying about his age.
He smiled, "Yes," he said, "I know that, I just can't help regretting how much older I am."
"But if you weren't, you wouldn't be the person you are and then she mightn't love you." I smiled up at him, "We both love you for what you are now, not what you were then."