"Sure, fire away..." I stated confidently.
"Are you gay...ya know...lesbian?"
Oh fuck but did I ever blush. My face was so hot you could have fried an egg on it.
"Hmm...you don't say..." she answered her own question.
If I didn't know Hanna better, I would have sworn she was mocking me but that wasn't Hanna. The girl was tolerant to a fault, about the most unjudgemental person I ever met. I felt extremely sheepish and my face must have betrayed my mood because she took me in her arms and held me tenderly.
Since I never talked about dating guys; past, present or future or wanting to go out with them, it must have been easy for someone of Hanna's brain power to surmise the truth.
When Hanna pushed back a little, I couldn't look her in the eyes.
"My oh my... a bashful, sexy girl. What am I to do with you?"
My gaze shifted upward until I was staring at Hanna. I truly met no one before her who was so in touch with their inner feelings. She'd obviously been having some desire for me, on what level I was unsure.
"I've been thinking about you a lot...I always thought I was one hundred percent heterosexual but lately..." she said with a sigh.
I pulled Hanna close and put my head on her shoulder. There was something wonderfully comforting ensconced in her arms.
When I looked up at Hanna, it was there in her pretty brown eyes; the want, the need and her head moved toward mine for our first kiss. We made out for a long, long time that first night as tongues intertwined and danced a duel. When we stopped, we were both panting in breathy gasps.
My dream come true had soaked my panties but I wanted to take it slow and let Hanna make the next move. Suddenly, she appeared shy and unsure.
"I don't know what...to do next..." she blushed in the most endearing way.
"Just hold me," I mewled my need.
In Hanna's arms I found a sense of peace, of closeness with her and I realized that nature would take over. Sure enough, she was pulling my top over my head. I sat up and she ran her hands over my upper body.
"Hmm...nice muscles," she cooed.
My nipples were as hard as bullets at this point and when Hanna reached around back to unsnap my bra, I let out a moan of pleasure. In spite of all the exercising and dieting, I still had a decent "B" cup, a handful by most accounts. Hanna skillfully palmed my tits until I thought I would pass out from the pleasure.
When her lips attached to a swollen bump and lightly sucked, I gasped.
"Oh god...oh god...that feels fantastic...I blurted out.
Hanna's hand squeezed my tit, pushing more nipple into her hungry mouth. Her tongue rasped the end with delicate feathery licks, lighting a blaze of sensations in my throbbing pussy.
Gently, I held my lovers head as she nursed with yearning at my heaving bosom. When Hanna finally stopped, she pulled back and gaped with pride at my distended nips, a product of her handi...er...mouthwork.
A growing need to have her tongue in my pussy had reached the critical phase and I fell back on the bed. Hanna pounced on me with a delighted look on her lovely face.
While she kissed me passionately, I felt her fingers in the waistband of my drawers, pulling then urgently down and off. A finger traced a line up my gooey slit and journeyed continuously, finding the slickness and eventually my clit.
As we kissed with intense ardor, I humped Hanna's hand until I erupted in orgasm. It took me a few minutes to return to earth and I gazed at her adoringly.
"Oh girl...that was wonderful," I crowed.
I took my lover in my arms and kissed her face, lavishing wet smooches over the silky skin.
"Now, it's your turn."
"...but I'm not finished sexy..." she cooed, and lowered her head to my swampy sex.
When Hanna's tongue invaded my slit , I cried out from the sheer pleasure. Gently I held her head as she gorged on my quaking pussy; my hips moving steadily over her nibbling mouth. The intense pleasure that I was receiving was far beyond anything I had experienced to this point.
Why? Because I had fallen for Hanna? As the sensations intensified, I lost all track of my thoughts and wallowed in the extraordinary hedonistic joy of the moment. I felt a finger then two enter my pulsating hole.
Oh God! The girl is good...no...she's incredible, my mind screamed in ecstasy. My clit was on fire and I was close to cumming when a surge shot through my body and pushed me over the edge.
I howled my orgasm like a banshee as colossal panting breaths escaped my mouth.
"Oh...oh...oh...oh god!" I moaned over and over.
Wave after wave plowed through me until they slowly dissolved to ripples. Awestruck by Hanna's tour de force performance, I simply gaped at her with total admiration.
Hanna had a self-satisfied look on her lovely face.
"I thought you were 100% heterosexual? You did say as much, as I recall..." I questioned with a professorial smirk.
"Yeah...I am...except for my bi-curious phase..." she answered.
Bi-curious? The girl was a pussy eating dynamo! I jumped Hanna's bones like a feral jungle cat with clothes flying in all directions. With her sleek body stretched out, I buried my face in her dark silky muff and supped on her until she yelled my name in orgasmic fury.
We spent the weekend in bed, indulging our sexual whims. I introduced Hanna to my two dildos, both left her gasping and craving more. My new lover had one healthy sex drive or I should say OVERDRIVE!
When we emerged on Monday, we were two young women in love. We did everything together; ate meals, partied, slept in the same bed, much to her roommates chagrin. It was obvious to our friends that we were in a relationship and while it bothered some, most were accepting of our newfound liaison.
Late one Saturday night while we were doing our laundry, Hanna sat on top of the washer, barefoot with a spaghetti strap "T", no bra, and tiny workout shorts. She was studying for an exam and the sight of her taut, sleek body, brown hair, and flawless skin was turning me on. Unable to control myself, I relieved Hanna of the book in her hands and put my arms around her. My heart beat furiously with emotion and I kissed her soft lips with all the passion I could muster.
"Yer amazing Jordan," she whispered yearningly.
Intense feelings of love resounded in my body but I was too frightened to express how I really felt. My hands wormed their way under her "T" and fondled her firm peach size breasts until the nipples crinkled and hardened. My lust consumed me as I raised her shirt and suckled the rigid cylinders
"Oh...oh...God...that feels so damn good..."
The reality that somebody might catch us seemed to add to the overall sensuality of the situation.
"Oh god...girl...eat me...eat my pussy..." she whispered huskily in my ear.
In one swift motion, I whipped Hanna's shorts and panties off as she leaned back on the machine. Her luscious slit was yawing open, covered in dew as I descended for the banquet.
Thank God, no one walked into the laundry room or they would have gotten an eyeful and earful as I noisily slurped her abundant juices. Hanna came like a firecracker during the spin cycle and it was the type of episode that typified our sex life; spontaneous, intense and filled with passion.
During semester breaks, Hanna visited me in Chicago and over the summer stayed for a month. I wanted so badly to go and visit her but my waitress job kept me at home.
"Money for college comes first," my mother would say in her practical voice. I usually grumbled in disagreement because it was useless trying to argue.
Our phone calls were frequent and while the cost annoyed my mom, she begrudgingly allowed me this one "extravagance".
When we saw each other at the start of fall term, we were all over each other like two alley cats in heat.
"I missed you so much..." I uttered yearningly in her ear.
"I missed you too..." she groaned in return.
Hanna's lips sought mine and we made out for a long time. I never seemed to tire kissing her and she me.
So dear Reader, you may ask, when did it all start to unravel?
It started subtly enough. As the semester wore on I noticed the difference in Hanna's attitude towards me. Lord knows she was a very skilled lover but emotionally, she was more reserved and distant. A defense mechanism? Probably, because from the very beginning I found her to be a very loving person.
But, Hanna never professed any love for me. On the one occasion that I did utter the highest sentiment two human beings can share, she kept her silence and I guarded my tongue from then on.
Slowly, we drifted apart. We were spending less time together and she constantly made excuses, blaming her busy schedule. Our lovers trysts became sporadic and Hanna was going to the frat parties every weekend when I opted to stay away. Why she was pre-occupied with finding a guy when she had me, was very hurtful.
The day before Winter Break, I confronted Hanna and her words chilled me to the bone.
While I believed we had a solid relationship, Hanna told me she never truly committed herself to the idea. My supposition that she was more than bi-curious was false. To her, it was a college affair, a fling that she enjoyed to the hilt but it had to end. She wanted to get married and start a family someday. Why she couldn't do that with me, I failed to grasp at the time.
I spent the holidays pining for her but she refused to return my calls and emails. The only communication I got was an email wishing me a Merry Christmas. Very formal, no message of endearment and it really tore me apart.
The realization that it was over and for good didn't sink into my thick skull until spring break. Hanna avoided me like the plague around campus and through mutual friends I learned that she had met someone and was in love.
I steadfastly refused to be the stalker kind of lesbian and kept my distance. If Hanna really loved me, she would come back and while I clung desperately to that thread of hope, I knew deep in my heart that it was finished. I remembered my mother telling me nothing lasts forever and this was a case in point.
The day before graduation, I was packing and heard a soft knock on the door. When I turned and saw that it was Hanna my heart soared. I smiled at her but kept my distance. The last thing I wanted was some pathetic farewell scene.
"Hey, I ah...just stopped to say goodbye," she said sheepishly.
"Thanks," I replied, and continued folding clothes, preferring not to look at her.
"Look Jordan...I'm sorry if I hurt you but...I'm not ready for..."
I walked over to Hanna and put my finger against her lips, those supple lips I had kissed so passionately.
"You don't have to try and explain...I understand and I don't understand..." I had spoken the truth.
Tears enveloped my eyes, blurring my vision and Hanna embraced me for the last time.
"I love you Hanna," I uttered from the depths of my soul.
When I looked up at her, tears ran from both eyes in an unbroken line down her face.
"Goodbye Jordan," she said in a cracking voice, and pulled away. I watched her walk out of my life and broke down in sobs unable to control my breaking heart.
Hanna was my first love. I think about her sometimes and its true what they say about first loves; you never get over them. There's a tiny piece of me that still yearns to be with her.
The month after graduation, I lived in my pj's and bathrobe until my mother confronted me.
"Jordan, are you planning on spending the rest of your life like this?"
"No mom," I answered despondently.
"Sweetheart, please tell me what's wrong? Does this have anything to do with Hanna,"
The tears came, unstoppable and unrelenting. I fell into my mothers arms and cried my heart out.
"My poor baby." I heard the sorrow in her voice and it only made me cry harder.
In words drenched with emotion and self-pity, I related my sad tale to my mother and she did her best to comfort me.
When You Least Expect It:
During my grief over Hanna, I received a letter from an attorney's office in New York City. My paternal grandfather had established a small trust fund for me. According to the terms, now that I was twenty one, I was permitted to take a yearly stipend.
The correspondence requested my presence in New York to execute the necessary legal documents. Apparently my dad's relatives had been trying to track me down for the last couple of years. Except for the one time I had visited my dying father in the hospital, I had no clue that any relatvies on his side existed, let alone with money.
My mother accompanied me when I traveled to NYC. I met my Great Aunt Gertrude and several cousins. Paul was my age and took a real shine to me. We became fast friends in only a few days.
However, most of my new found relatives were Park Avenue rich with the airs to match. But, I learned a lot about my dad. A hell raiser with a love for alcohol, parties and any excess of the flesh, he joined the military to escape his life of privilege. He was the black sheep of the family and wore his cloak proudly, often showing up unannounced at family affairs, blind stinking drunk. In other words, he was a total "fuck-up".
When he married my mother, a naïve girl from a Chicago working class neighborhood, it was the last straw. After my grandfather ostracized my parent, he never revealed his roots to anyone, not even my mother.
Sometime during the last years of his life, my dad informed his father of my existence and the trust was established.
With the modest income from the trust, I would be able to attend graduate school in New York. My mother and I spoke at length and she agreed that I should pursue my dream of becoming a writer, especially if I had the means to do so.
My move to New York was effortless thanks to Paul. He helped me locate a very small apartment in Greenwich Village and showed me the ropes essential for survival in New York.
Aunt Gertrude (she despised the term Great Aunt Gertrude) insisted that part of my social calendar revolve around family gatherings, weddings, holidays, etc. My attendance was sporadic because I always spent the holidays with my mother in Chicago.
I loathed the sterile formality of my dads family but thanks to Paul and a few other cool cousins, I managed to at least partially enjoy myself whenever I went.
Graduate classes at NYU were challenging and I dedicated myself to writing. I zealously sent story after story to various publishers until one day, a popular literary magazine sent me a check for five hundred dollars.
A tale about star crossed lovers of the same sex, appealed to them and it was a tremendous thrill seeing my effort in print. All of twenty twenty-four at the time, I felt proud of my accomplishment.
After graduate school, I managed to garner employment with a small midtown publishing company as an editor. Both incomes were enough to pay the bills and live without the creditors knocking down the door.
I achieved a limited degree of success and did most of my writing at night when there were few distractions and I could concentrate on the task before me.
On a chill February morning my agent called and in an excited voice told me that he'd been contacted by an independent film company. They were intrigued by my girl meets girl story, the very first that I had published and commissioned me to write the screenplay.
Eighteen months later, I took a leave of absence from the publishing firm and was on a flight to Czechoslovakia. The Eastern European nation is a favorite among small film companies because the cost of production is far less expensive then in Hollywood.
My first day in Prague, I was introduced to Lenka as my interpreter. Her very pretty features threw me for a loop and I discovered I was tongue tied.
"It is a pleasure to meet you," she intoned in flawless English with a Slavic accent. The sound of her voice had a hypnotic effect on me and I caught myself staring at her.
I mumbled something and the next thing I knew Lenka was shaking my hand in the most charming way. For most of the extremely busy day, I was enthralled by her. The girl should be an actress, I mused to myself several times. She exuded a presence and sexuality that resounded inside of me.
It was a warm evening and after a raucous dinner with the film crew, Lenka asked if I'd like to walk back to my hotel instead of taking a taxi. I readily agreed.
Prague is a beautiful city and I was captivated by the architecture of the different buildings and the stunningly attractive young woman next to me.
When we reached the hotel, we stopped in the bar for a nightcap.
"Is this your first visit to the Czech Republic," she asked.
Her vibrant green eyes held my gaze and I stuttered my reply,
"Yes...ah...yes it is."
"Do you travel very much for your profession?"
"No...this is my first trip overseas."
Lenka regarded me with a fair amount of skepticism.
"You are successful writer, yes?"
"I've had some success but it hasn't brought me wealth and fame," I answered honestly.
Lenka's expression softened.
"Forgive me but we hear how rich American's are...owning big houses and several automobiles..."
"I don't own a car," I stated factually.
The look of shock on Lenka's pretty face was priceless.
"I live in New York City...no need for an auto, too expensive and I get around just fine, walking and taking the subway."
Lenka smiled and chuckled in the most endearing way.
"As you American's say...the joke's on me..."
The late hour dictated ending our little tete-a-tete and I walked with Lenka into the lobby.
"Do you have far to go?" I asked.
Lenka looked at me with curiosity and I could tell that she was touched by the concern in my voice.
"No, no, it is not too far...Prague is a safe city...I assure you."
When Lenka took my hands in hers to say goodbye, the electric sensation reverberated throughout my body.
Sleep escaped me that night and I tossed and turned until the first streaks of dawn appeared in my window. I knew with certainty that I could fall for Lenka. All the danger signs were evident and with three months on location, plenty of time for me to go ga-ga over her.
I contemplated my love life up to that point. Not since my relationship with Hanna ended, now some years ago did I have a significant other in my life.
But, any relationship with Lenka, if and when it might develop was doomed from the start. I would go back to the U.S. when filming was completed and probably never see her again.
Maybe she has a boyfriend or dare I speculate a girlfriend, I asked in my mind. Until I got to know her better, the answer would remain a mystery.
On the movie set, I learned just how tiresome the whole film making process can be. Sometimes it took hours to set up a shot with the proper camera angles, lighting and blocking.
Often, Lenka was asked to interpret the directors orders to the Czeck actors, extras and crew. She did so in a commanding way and I adored how she was able to speak both languages effortlessly. Her knowledge of English and some of its colloquial aspects was impressive.
I managed to hang with Lenka during meal breaks and damn but the girl had a healthy appetite. Admittedly, the quality of the catered food was superior to any good restaurant in the States and I over indulged myself.
After a few days, I realized that if I kept eating at an unrestricted pace, I'd be a fat porker in no time. Whenever I had a free morning or afternoon, I religiously spent time at the hotel spa, working my body to keep in shape.
When the set closed down after a day of filming, we were pals and it thrilled me to no end. If the distance wasn't too great we would walk back to my hotel, usually stopping at the bar for a much needed alcoholic refreshment.