Day-uuum

'Day-uuuuum! She look so good, I'd suck her daddy's dick!'
- r. pryor

Boys' night out—worse yet, team's night out....the ballers—literally—had just finished a hard series, it was their time to unwind....a hard-drinking, loud lyin', cussin' snortin', absolutely womanizin' clique if ever there was one...accompanied by their 'chaperone'—there always is one—lookin' like someone's lost brother...the 'cousin' you HAD to take along...the coke-bottled spectacled, 'I have the answer', wisp of masculinity who would always get you from here to there and home again...the 'designated designator'....yeh, he was there too....

The lying began before they could get out of the flat good.... Typical jock, frat-boy shit: whose dick was biggest; whose balls heaviest...who could dump the thickest, nastiest load of cum.... Of course who had fucked whom...how many at once....ad infinitum...ad nauseum....school boyish...sophomoric.... It was what guys did....

He had heard it all before—nerd boy—the tag-along...he was even the butt of many of their jokes and pranks...particularly when they turned homophobic....which they usually did when liquor lowered inhibitions and the perpetrators used the guise of being drunk to mask what was really on their minds....but he had learned to accept it...he had become thick-skinned.... he WAS, after all, their 'guardian'....

So off into the night they would go...him guiding them—not necessarily steering them out of trouble, but at least through it....

***

It was one of the nicest places he could remember....he couldn't actually recall its name, but he knew he had heard of it....how they had ended up there, he didn't know...but it wasn't unusual....

He was in the company of 'stars'—even if they were the only ones who thought so....sure some of them had 'brand recognition'....so it made sense that they would end up in a place like this—sorta...

It was totally upscale—and black—the clientele that is—and 'boogie'...but then again, so were they, though part of the posse played hard at thug-wannabe....

There was a moment there when he wondered if they could pull it off.... She had wheeled into the lot ahead of them—literally cut across their path as they made their turn...gunned her little black on black TT passed them and into what looked like a 'reserved' space....

The moment she made that move there was pandemonium in the car—an uproar....but nothing like what occurred when she slid from behind the wheel....

The cussing was legion when she made her cut, forcing him to slam on the brakes and rock the entire cab of the Hummer—for the record, not his vehicle; the recent purchase of one of the knuckleheads in the passenger-seat who thought that the Saudi-guzzling, anti-environmental, tank-wannabe was too good to pass up given the dealership was givin' em away, two-for-one....but this is not a disquisition on automobile intelligence in the age of global warming....

In any case, how many ways might one say 'bitch', accompanied by multiple iterations of 'muthafuka', and 'muthafukin this', and 'muthafukin' that'....yadda...yadda...yadda....and loudly—quite loudly, at that, until he took control, jacked up the windows and put on the kiddie-locks and turned to face his compatriots and began in his exasperated, high-pitched tenor that made it sound like he hadn't quite cleared puberty against the backdrop of all the outraged testosterone bass he was chauffering....

'Muthafukas!' he squeaked...cleared his throat and tried again...'MUTHFUKAS!'....

And with that, Vince, the most vociferous of his charges muttered—but distinctly—'Mutha-Fuk'...and they all turned their heads in the direction of his gaze....

The long legs swung from behind the wheel and out the coupe's door pivoting on glutes that made the most well-developed among them cry....

She stood up straight, smoothed the white knit mini down over her hips and ass, but made no attempt to pull it any lower than it had been 'engineered' to go....she knew what she was wearing...and she was quite clear on WHO she was as she leaned back into the cockpit to retrieve her bag ....the hem rode up once more over her hips to reveal the crack of her ass and string of thong that sought to protect it....

She looked as if she had been poured into it—the dress....it was night and she was the color of twilight, dazzling in that little white scrap of cloth—as nicely cut as it was, struggling to contained twin orbs whose nipples violated its fabric....short, nappy blonde head, cobalt-blue lenses that appeared when she swung the oversize sunglasses to the top of her head....the mouth—the lips—had started a process that meant most of them would be closing their jackets until they got into the club: rich, full, succulent, scarlet invitations to oblivion....

In short, the mythic creature your mamma told you to stay away from....

She spun on the four-inch heel of a white stiletto sandal whose straps snaked their way up to her knee....she tossed her keys to the valet and as he drew near passed him a five with one hand and firmly squeezed his ass-cheek with the other...and in the space of seconds, possibly whispered in his ear—the grin split his face....

For the first time that night, the cab of the Hummer was silent....

***

They fell over themselves trying to get out...he brought up the rear as usual.... Then, the 'bouncer' stopped them in their tracks: 'Sorry gentlemen,' he began—short, the girth four fireplugs, his huge hand squarely in Taylor's chest, the biggest of the crew—'membership only'....

Just as someone among them was about to make the loud and fatal 'Muthafuka' protest, the doorman's eye was caught, he nodded and passed them through....

They caught it too...the flick of her lash was almost imperceptible, but enough to give the crew admission....who the fuck was she?...

***

As they fumbled around trying to find a table—in spite of the assistance of the maitre d'—they lost sight of her....when they did spy her again, she had poured herself into the far corner of the bar just as coolly as you might pour her drink, and there, she and the bartender chatted and traded jokes....

Like a bunch of pre-pubescent schoolgirls his crew broke into a whispered gaggle arguing among themselves about 'approach': who would make it, and who should benefit most from it....'rule of the jungle', so-to-speak, 'survival of the fittest'—the biggest cock was to rule the roost—or so that was the logic....but in a gang of self-declared HUGE cocks. To be sure, there were some big dicks in this group—both literally and figuratively—but no one had balls big enough to make the approach.... So, it fell to him....

***

Wordlessly she sized him up as he stood there nervously, shifting from side to side, fumbling with something invisible...she simply watched...and waited....

Then, he finally found the words—something—lame: 'My friends'—he gestured behind him to the 'circus troupe'—'were wondering if they might buy you a drink...?'

She pierced him with the blues... dazzled him with her smile, all caught in the smooth obsidian of that face. Then she said softly but cuttingly—with the precision of a surgeon with her scapel—'Only one drink? I count five of them—six if we include you.... Tell them... 'Thank you...but...no...thank you....'

Crushed, he turned to walk away, it was then that she gently put a hand to his sleeve, stopped him in mid swing....

'But here's what you can do—two things'—as she handed him a card in full view of the others... 'You can tell whoever is the biggest dick over there to come this way....' Then , squeezing his crotch in full view of the others she said, 'And you can call me—if you think you're up to it.... The card's for you....

She relinquished her grasp and he felt the sap begin to leak down his leg....stiffly, he turned for the table....

***

He stumbled back, the stain on his thigh growing larger with each footfall....when he reached them, they all began to speak at once...and once again, he had to silence 'the girls', finger to lips....

'She said 'Thank you...but...no...thank you....'

'Muthafuk!...'

'Skanky bitch....'

'Lil short ass, brillo-topped ho....'

He let it go on for a second or two longer, then paused for dramatic effect in their pause and then said 'But....'

'But,' he said, 'she said whoever was the biggest dick should come over to the bar....'

There was a giggle... 'She find you lacking, Jr.? We saw her handling your goods...what happened? Couldn't find them...?' there was, of course, a chorus of guffaws at his expense....

***

Their champion was self-appointed—of course, the biggest among them—at least in stature—Taylor...there was, however, no accounting for his cock size...or his intellect....

He approached her with all the swagger he could muster—very American in his gait—taking up the space of two or three people...very black, as he loped into her space....

Her back was to him. She spun instinctively on the stool to face him when she sensed his presence....coldly, with her legs gapped wide, the white mini rolled back to the smoothness of her tight, black tum, she eyed him....up and down...and then lasered in on his crotch—hers—naked—was already exposed to him....

There was a knot in his throat...but he attempted to play it off.... But, as he made to speak, what should have been a booming voice came more as squeek....his balls were firmly—very firmly in her hand....and before he could move his tongue to lips, she was stroking the length of his big shaft through the fabric of his very expensive trousers....for those paying attention—his boys—it was all clear...all very dramatic...and all over...too soon....

As he nutted in his linens, she shifted in her seat ever so slightly and allowed her own member to 'breathe'...as it snaked forward against her beautiful coal-black thigh, she whispered: 'If this is the best you can do, Big Man...in terms of stamina'—she glanced at the puddle on his thigh, growing with each calculated flex of her wrist.... 'and in terms of size....' glancing at her own prominent member... 'then you better call for back up....'

She released him to return—unceremoniously—to their table....the others were incredulous and in turn took their turn never confiding the 'obvious' to each succeeding 'champion'....

When the last approached her, determined to reprieve the reputation of the crew, he let his bravado precede his cock:

'Babi, you are so fine, I'd suck your daddy's dick....'

And as he gasped while she choked him to premature ejaculation, she said: 'I don't think my daddy would be interested in the least...' Then training his gaze to her crotch, insinuated, 'But you might want to try me...when you're man enough....' The pearl seeping from the head of her cock glistened amber in the bar light....

***

Tucked and smoothed she cat-walked slowly pass their table and stopped momentarily in the midst of their disheveled heap....she leaned into the only one she hadn't 'defiled'—nerd boy—and whispered: 'It's intellect that excites me most....' With that she caresses his head and coos, 'Feels like you got a big one here...'

And walks to the door....

***

Silence at the table.... Silence all the way home....