- Letters & Transcripts
- Dear Alex
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here
Dear Alex,
It’s been nearly 5 1/2 years since we parted under strenuous circumstances and when I sit down long enough and let myself remember the time we shared together, it still seems like yesterday because the pain is still so very real and honestly, so very raw. You’re probably wondering what brought this about after all this time … the real reason behind my letter. You always were cautious when it came to what I was thinking behind everything that I ever did. I doubt very seriously you have changed in that aspect, even in the years that have passed. Some things never change and that, in its way, is soothing to know.
Honestly, I’m not sure I have the answer to that. I came across an old story that I had written long ago before our chance encounter and it brought it all back … as vividly as if I had picked up an old photo album and flipped through our memories captured on its pages. And then I found myself watching old videos of you singing. The sound of your laughter … the way your nose scrunches up when you are being silly … the movement of your body when you know you are being watched … it all came back like a tidal wave of emotions. I found myself going through our memories, frame by frame, as I played them back through my mind. I kept everything we ever said to one another that was captured in written word and again I was reminded of the passion we shared. I can still feel it … the raw power of our attraction and the soft web of love as it was weaved between us in intricate patterns that were growing stronger day by day.
I remember there was a time when I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to look back on our time together and be able to smile. I always thought it would bring tears to my eyes because I was so devastated when you wouldn’t forgive me. Even now, writing this years later, I can feel the empty hole that still sits in my belly that will forever be a reminder of the pain that I caused you. I’ve come to terms with it being my token of what I alone killed. But here I am, looking back and honestly, I’m okay. It would be a lie if I said that I didn’t miss you … that I still didn’t want a second chance but at least I have accepted your decision, one you have held fast to for many years now.
I try not to keep up with you as much. I don’t mean that in a cruel or hurtful way but I’m just being honest when I say that the less I know what you are doing and with who, the better off I am. I could still easily get lost in you. Of course, Mmaakk still keeps me updated even when I don’t really want to hear it. I think she knows that despite everything, even all the time that has passed, that you will always be my one true love. She knows me better than anyone, even myself at times. I know she means well and I love her to death. Besides, if I’m honest, I have to admit that hearing about you occasionally brings a smile to my lips as I remember how much I still love you.
A part of me wants to start rambling about mundane, every day stuff … asking how you are doing, how you’ve been, what’s going on new … things that only strangers do. After all this time, there is an aspect that feels that way … as though we are strangers that really don’t know everything that we should have taken time the first time to learn. In retrospect, that is what we should have done … gotten to really know one another. But the other part of me wants to beg you to take me in your arms and love me as only you can do. I still ache to show you what you do to me … how you make me feel. I want to show you just how deep my regret intermingles with my unmistakable desire for you. But I know that I can’t go there alone. At this point, it would take you initiating anything for me to even go there. I know that I would tiptoe as if walking on eggshells around you if you were to return. At least, for a while.
Before I let my emotions run away with me and succumb to the tears that threaten my eyes even as I stare at this computer screen, I just want to say that I was thinking about you. Nothing more … nothing less. I’m not expecting a reply to this letter … I’m not hoping for a second chance. I just wanted you to know that you are still thought about. I hope you are doing well. I do. I hope that life is giving to you all that you deserve. I hope that you find love that will fuel the man in you that I see emerging more and more with every passing year as I watch from afar.
Take care, Alex.
- COMMENTS
HenryDavidThoreauover 19 years agoIf I knew her Ex and if I knew he'd write any thing back to his ex (let's call her Rose, though any name would suffice), I'd like it to be something as follows:
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Dear Rose,
Thank you for writing. It's been five and a half years, yes. Time does fly, sometimes, doesn't it?
Not unlike you, I, too--- once in a while, even if just for a fleeting moment --- would let my mind wonder. Lots of memories, yes.
But as memories, good or bad, they will stay...Never to be revisited.
Although I'm not religious or superstitious, I like this one saying quite a bit, because it is so fitting in our situation:
You and I were not meant to be together, despite the deep love we thought we felt for one another so many years ago. We didn't know it then; but we know it now...
The pains and sorrows we sometimes feel are meant to be life's most important lessons.
There's always a purpose to everything we do, as to who we are, even if we sometimes don't know it. Sometimes we get distracted and/or delayed from going where our true destiny lies... But we do get to go there eventually, depending how good we are in learning life's unbending but invaluable lessons (i.e., not making the same or similar mistakes again and again).
The good times you and I had... let them stay simple, pure, and memorable.
However fleeting it was that we were together, I was profoundly happy to have known you, to have loved you. And, you're correct, I had loved you very very deeply. It was a love that was very pure, for me...
But I have moved on (as you probably know from your friend) and have built a life with someone very, very special to me. She means more to me than my own life...
Every time I look at her, I know what I've been looking for all my life. Her eyes... I never get tired of looking into her beautiful grey eyes ... it's like they hold all of the kindness as well as knowledge of the cosmos in her big, beautiful grey eyes!
And her simple smiles! Before knowing her, I didn't think it was possible for a human being to have such pure and uplifting smiles! Every smile she smiles is a treasure for me!
Love is never used up.
You are a tremendous person, Rose, as I said, and I shall always remember you fondly. I know you will, someday, find a person who will not only share your thoughts, beliefs, and activities but who will also fulfill your needs, yearnings, and dreams... someone whose every smile has the power to transport you to another dimension, where only your "soul could reach, when feelings out of sight," as Elizabeth Barrett Browning said!
Kathy and I wish you all the best and, again, thank you for your letter.
Best of Wishes,
Alex
Anonymousover 19 years agoThis is one of the most thoughtful pieces of short writings I've read here in Lierotica.
Don't ruin it by telling us the ugliness that had driven them apart, by, say, doing another "chapter" --- be it sequel or prequel.
The tragedy --- and it is revealed so succinctly even within this short "letter" --- is that (and although we hear from the woman's perspective only) they both seemed to have loved each other a lot, the stray by the woman notwithstanding.
Indeed, she has had time to reflect on live, living, and love. And it seems that she's come to understand, only if too late, that the thrill of raw, illicit, narcissistic sexual engagements outside of one's commitment --- the exchanging of bodily fluids with strangers --- were, at best, no more than temporary delusions/allusions; and the simple and deep love, commitment and faith in each other, are truly the qualities that nurture healthy relationships.
Few moments or even hours or days of raw sex with "exciting" and/or "romantic" strangers could never really outlast the slow, deep, and sustaining love of a faithful, trustworthy, and loving partner.
What sorrows for both... Alas, life really does imitate art sometimes,,, too often, it seems!
