Dear Diary


Dear Diary,

I never thought I would find someone who would have me breaking every rule I have set for myself . Yet Jeff has turned my world upside down. While I know that my family does not approve of him, he makes me feel so alive after not feeling that way for so long.

Not having my family's support in this relationship is a very difficult pill to swallow. They have always been there through the ups and downs in my life. It truly stinks that they can not understand why he makes me so incredibly happy. It seems to me that they look at the bad shit that has happened during the time we have been dating instead of also looking at all the happy moments . They see the fact that I have come home late every time we go out instead of the fact that he makes me so happy that I don't want to leave.

While I understand and appreciate that my family worries about me, they need to realize that at twenty nine it is about time they let this birdie fly. If they do not begin to understand that I feel as if we will grow further and further apart. I do not want to lose the only family I have ever known yet I can not stay their little girl for the rest of my life.


Dear Diary,

I wish sometimes that my life was different . Some days I wish I could not have to work and I could just concentrate on the things that I love to do. Instead of doing what I want to do, I am working a dead end job.

My dream would be to write and get paid for it. I would love to see my name in print. Yet I know how difficult it is to break into the writing business but I still dream about it and have for as long as I can remember. Writing is truly my passion.

My other major passion is music. I would love to record an album in the near future. When I am up on that stage, I feel like I am finally home. I feel more comfortable in front of a room of people than I am talking to one person.


Dear Diary,

There are nights when I dream of what it would be like to write for a living. I dream about being able to spend my life doing the thing that I positively love.

The most amazing thing is having someone that will support your dreams. It is great to have encouragement from someone who you care about. I have never felt this much support in my life. I mean I have gotten from my family but I have never gotten it from anyone I have dated. This guy encourages me to follow my dreams and this is so truly amazing.

He has told me that positive thinking brings positive things. It is difficult to think positive sometimes though. Rejection is not something that I deal with very well. Positive thinking is tough when you get shot down.

Sometimes all the rejection is very hard for me to take. It can depress the hell out of me. I wonder if it is worth fighting for. Will trying and trying ever pay off?


Dear Diary,

How long has it been since I have been truly happy with a guy? I have no idea. Yet every moment I spend with Jeff, I feel like I'm on cloud nine. It feels like the rest of the world just disappears. Is this crazy to say after only one month? Am I insane to say that someone could make me that happy after that short a time?

This feels so right. Every moment I spend with him is the happiest times of my life. Whether we are lying in each others arms or we are eating dinner together, I do not ever want it to end.

If he makes me this happy then why sometimes am I so darn scared to let him in. Why can't those walls I have built come down? It feels as if because I was hurt so badly before I just won't let myself completely give in and be happy. I hate feeling like this. It makes me nuts. I just wish that I could learn to let go of the fear of getting hurt and just unlock the lock and chains that I have put around my heat and truly feel again.


Dear Diary,

This job is going to drive me to drink. People can be so stupid sometimes. For crying out loud, you do not leave perishable food in the magazine rack to go bad. I truly do not think that people use the brains they were born with sometimes.

Do not even go near the fact that those stupid machines that you use to check yourself out at never work right. Then the customer starts looking at you like it is your fault. Well that's okay according to people I work with everything is my fault any way so what the heck else is new. Why shouldn't the customers blame me too.


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