Everybody Loves Debra 2008

EVERYBODY LOVES DEBRA'S RACK: "FIXING HER PIPES"

Gianni is under the counter and all you can see are his legs peeking out from under the sink cabinet. Debra walks into the kitchen in her bathrobe and a towel wrapped around her freshly washed hair. She takes a filter out of the cupboard and opens up the coffee maker. She looks around. "Damn it, what happened to the sugar?"

"Right here, Debra." Gianni's arm sticks out from the cabinet holding a pack of Sweet and Low. Debra jumps.

"Jesus!" Debra shrieks clutching her chest.

"What happened. Something scare you?" Gianni asks from under the sink.

"Yeah Gianni, something scared me – any idea what it could have been?"

"A bird hit the kitchen window?" Gianni asks as he cranks a monkey wrench around the pipe.

"No, not a bird in the window, Gianni."

"More like a fox in the henhouse." Barks a voice from behind Debra.

"Hello Marie, nice to see you." Debra says, not really meaning it.

Marie clutches Debra's arm and pulls her close. "Debra, what are you doing?!"

"Nothing. Marie." Debra says coolly, trying to brush off her terminally nosy mother in law.

"No, nothing is what you're wearing – not what you're doing, Debra." Marie grabs Debra's lapels and pulls them tightly over her ample cleavage. "Do you have any idea what this looks like to me, Debra?"

"Marie! Don't be ridiculous."

"What?! You don't think this looks a little fishy? You wearing nothing but that negligee and Gianni there lying on the floor – don't think I don't see that big package he's – packing!"

"Marie! You are being ridiculous."

Oh, am I?"

"Yes, you are. For one, this is a robe, a big ugly white terry cloth robe – not a negligee."

"Whatever. Robe, negligee, same difference. Both are easy access to my Raymond's treats – they're not for that big, hulking construction worker to leer and paw." Marie says in a hushed tone as Gianni continues to work under the sink without hearing a word between Marie and Debra.

"Marie. You couldn't be more wrong." Debra pulls Marie further down the kitchen and whispers.

"Why are you whispering Debra? Is there something you want to confess?"

"No Maire. I'm whispering because I don't want Gianni to hear me trash his handyman skills."

"Handyman skills, is that what they're calling them now?

"Marie, that's insane. Even for you."

"Is it really? I watch the television. I know all about what that handyman did to Eva Longoria."

"Marie, you're not really comparing me to a soap opera are you?

"I don't know, Debra. If you ask me you look just a little bit like one of those "Desperate Housewives."

"Marie!" Debra gasps. "You are way off. I'm just as surprised to see Gianni here as you Marie. He was supposed to be done with this project yesterday. HE keeps saying he's done and then the next morning, he's back. Every time I ask why, he's like – "don't you worry your pretty little head, Debra. I just have to make a few adjustments to the plumbing and it will be done in a jiffy." He's been saying that for three days."

"Maybe he wants to fix a different kind of plumbing Debra."

"Marie!"

"I mean your plumbing, Debra"

"Yeah, I got it the first time, Marie. Believe me, if that would get this job done faster, I'd seriously consider it." Debra says as she tightens the belt on her robe in frustration.

"That's what I thought – you're running a sex trade in here!"

"Marie, you don't really believe that."

"I'll give you the benefit of the doubt this time, Debra."

"Oh, thank you so much, Marie."

"But, that doesn't mean you better watch yourself around Gianni. I know how these things can get out of hand."

"Really, how is that Marie?"

"I was young once too, Debra. I've had my share of plumbers and postman cast glances at my... assets."

"Right."

"You don't believe that men used to be into me? They said I had terrific behind back then. In fact, the milkman, Mr. Palucci, said I'm nothing if not a terrific behind."

"Okay."

"What? You don't believe me?"

"Oh, I believe you're a terrific behind, Marie."

"Very funny young lady. You just watch your step young lady. Don't think I don't know what a MILB is."

"Marie, that's ridiculous – besides, you're not even spelling it right."

"Yes I am, I read about it in Redbook."

"Really Marie? Then what does MILB stand for?"

"Mother-I'd-Love-To..."

"Go ahead Marie, what does B stand for?"

"I, I..." Marie stammers.

"I didn't think so, Marie." Debra says, confident she's shut up her mother.

"Bang." Says Johnny as he pulls out from under the sink.

"Excuse me?" Debra asks, taken aback that Gianni is standing there.

"Boink. As in mother I'd like to boink. Or Bone. Bone, totally works as well."

"Why, I never!" Marie gasps.

"And, Bop!" Debra chimes in.

"Good one, Debra!" Gianni says as he high fives Debra.

"See! You're completely leading him on." Marie exclaims.

"Marie! You're embarrassing me!" Debra says as she pounds the counter to make her point. As she does so, her robe comes dangerously close to completely exposing her huge, jiggling breasts.

Gianni takes a long look at his best friend's wife's massive milk-makers. His smile turns to a grin as he commits the bouncing breasts to memory.

Debra knows full well that he's drinking in the sight of her tits as they try to peel their way out of her robe. Her first instinct is to close up her robe, but she can't help but get a charge out of how much her husband's playboy buddy appreciates the sight. She thinks to herself, "Is he really digging on my boobs? I thought I was way out of his age range. There's no way he's checking out my forty-something tits... ...No, he's definitely staring at my tits. I know that look, my twins used to look at them like that when they were hungry. You want to suck my tits, Gianni? Yeah, I bet you do."

Before Debra can finish her fantasy, Marie steps forward and closes Debra's robe. "Honestly Debra, it's a wonder you don't catch pneumonia!. And you, Mr. Gigolo contractor, get this job done today or I'm hiring someone else out of my own pocket."

"Mrs. Barone, trust me. I'm working as fast as I can." Even Debra wasn't convinced this was entirely true. Debra was starting to wonder if Gianni was taking longer on this job for ulterior motives.

"Well, finish soon. It's not appropriate to have a man in this house during the day."

"Will do, Mrs Barone. But, if I'm not here, you'll just have to bring in another guy."

"Not necessarily, I just might hire one of those nice thespian women."

"Alright Marie, why don't you go back home and let Gianni concentrate..." Debra notices Gianni staring at her boobs again. "...On his job." Debra places a screwdriver in Giannni's hand and walks Marie to the door.

"But, I could stay and make you some coffee." Marie sputters.

"No thank you." Debra says as she pushes Marie out the door.

Debra slams the door shut. "Finally!" Debra leans back against the door and wipes her brow. "The nerve of that woman to insinuate that you and I..."

"You and I what?" Gianni says with the grin of a seasoned bachelor. "You don't mean she thinks...." Gianni picks up a screw between his thumb and index finger.

"Ha ha, very funny."

"Just kidding." Gianni says.

"Right. I hope for the sake of your girlfriend your screw is bigger than that." Debra says snarkily as she cinches the belt on her bathrobe.

"I don't have a girlfriend. But, believe me it's not because I don't have the right tools."

"Boy, she never lets up does she?" Gianni asks Debra as he begins to put his tools back in his toolbox.

"You caught her on a good day." Debra responds.

Suddenly, there's a knock at the door. Debra turns, agitated. "What do you want, Marie?" But, as the door swings open, it's not Marie. It's her sister in law, Amy.

"Is she gone?" Amy asks as her eyes dart around the room.

"She's gone, thanks for the backup", Debra snips as she pours a cup of coffee.

"Sorry Deb. Oh, hi Gianni."

"Hey Amy, how you been?" Gianni gets up and gives Amy a hug and kiss on the cheek. "What's that you're wearing? You smell delicious."

"Oh Gianni, it's nothing. Just vanilla scented perfume"

"Well, I do love vanilla." Gianni retorts as he flashes a smile at Amy, she giggles like a little girl.

"Yeah, enjoy it while it lasts, Amy. We'll see how much time you have for vanilla scented perfume after you pop out three kids." Debra mutters as she sips her coffee.

Gianni swings around behind Debra and takes a whiff out of her mug. "Don't you fret now Debra, the smell of coffee on a woman is just as good to me – and addictive."

"You are too much Gianni." Debra scowls with amusement as he winks at them both.

"You are trouble", Amy announces.

"The good kind." Gianni responds.

"The worst kind." Debra adds.

Gianni takes a mini bow. "Hey, I just call 'em like I see 'em. You two are lovely ladies and I am but a mere blue collar fit-it guy."

"Well, if that's true, why does that washing machine look very not-so-fixed." Debra's voice goes up as an octave as Gianni and Amy turn to see the washing machine overflow with suds. They all run to the machine. "Oh man, I think it's still screwed up." Gianni exclaims as he tries to tighten a pipe.

"You think?" Is all Debra can say as she wipes the suds with a towel into several plastic buckets. Debra looks up frustrated at Amy. She just stands there with a fret on her face. "Well Amy, what are you waiting for?"

"I'm sorry, Debra. This is a new sweater." The suds are now epic, you can barely see Debra below her shoulders in the suds.

"Well, take it off and help me out."

""What?" Amy motions toward Gianni.

"Amy, I think Gianni has seen more than his share of women in a bra before."

"It's true." Gianni admits.

"Well, I guess this is an emergency." Amy admits.

"It's just a few suds. I think I can stop the leak in just a sec'. There, it's not leaking anymore. The worst is over now." Gianni proclaims.

"You think this is bad, wait until Frank hears about this." Debra says as she mops up suds, barely visible from the foamy mess.

"Oh you're right." Amy agrees. "He's going to be all like – ""See what happens when you hire someone else? I could have had this done in an hour and it wouldn't have cost you a penny.""

"Marie is never going to let me live this down." Debra says with an annoyed tone in her voice. "She already thinks I only hired Gianni because he's cute."

"You think I'm cute?" Gianni tries to joke.

Debra shoots back," You're getting less cute by the minute, smartass."

"Aw come on, this is kinda' funny." Gianni smirks as he wipes some foam off of Debra's furrowed brow.

"Yeah, hilarious." Debra responds and slings a big glob of foam at Gianni.

"Oh, you wanna' go?" Gianni says playfully as he takes a big handful and tosses it across Debra's face.

"Oh ho, got you good!" Gianni says, amused.

Amy starts laughing as she looks at the white mess on Debra's face. "You better hope Marie doesn't walk in right now – that looks pretty incriminating."

"Me? You're the one in your bra Amy." Debra exclaimed as she lobs a glob of foam at Amy and Gianni.

"And, you're the one with a big money shot on your face, Debra!" Amy jokes.

"Amy, I can't believe you!" Then, Debra glances in the mirror. "Oh my God, it does look like I got a face-full."

"Could you imagine trying to explain me in my bra and you with splooge on your face to Marie right now?" Amy giggles as she mops foam of her surprisingly ample tits.

"Better yet, it would be pretty hard to explain to your husband." Gianni adds.

"Believe me, Ray wouldn't get the entendre. And, if he did he'd probably just say, "I hope you got a discount for that."

"You're right, that is a Barone man thing to say." Amy agrees.

"Oh, I'd give you a discount alright." Gianni adds.

Debra looks in the mirror, she's a mess. There's foam all over her and her robe is so wet that it's literally falling off her shoulders. "This robe it's so wet it feels like it weighs fifty pounds." Debra grabs a tee shirt off a shelf. "Turn around, Gianni." Gianni does a half turn and grins at her. "All the way, smartass." Debra commands.

"How come Amy doesn't have to turn around?" Gianni inquires.

"Turn around." Debra demands.

"Alright, but I really don't think it's necessary. I am a professional."

"Hey Deb, could I grab a shirt?" Amy asks.

"Sure." Debra tosses Amy a shirt. Amy undoes her sopping wet bra as Debra un-cinches her robe. It falls to the ground with a loud splat. Amy notices Debra's body, it's tighter and firmer than she realized.

"Geez Deb, have you been working out?" Amy asks.

"Oh yeah, I started taking Pilates."

"It shows, you look great." Amy responds as she pulls the tee shirt down over her boobs. They are so huge that the tee shirt barely makes it over her ribcage.

"Thanks Amy. Wow." "What's wrong, Deb?" Amy asks.

"You tits are freakin' huge, Amy."

"You're right, they do." Amy responds as she looks at her boobs just bulging out of a pink "Hello Kitty" tee shirt. "Hey, I know you have big boobs Deb, but yours look ridiculous in that shirt."

Debra looks down at the white tee shirt that not also does not reach her waist, but also shows the outline of her silver dollar nipples. Debra inspects her chest and cups her breasts. "You're right, they feel normal, but they look massive today."

"You two are killing me." Gianni chimes in as he remains turned away.

"Oh Amy, and your tits feel sooo soft." Debra coos.

"Ha ha, very funny." Gianni chuckles.

As Debra slips on a pair of sweatpants, she says... "Oh my God."

"What?" Asks Amy.

"We're wearing Allie's tee shirts." Debra announces with a chuckle in her voice.

"Okay, I don't care if you fire me. I gotta' see this." Gianni turns around to see petite little Debra sweatpants that so tight, they are currently making their way up her cracks and crevices. And, a little white tee shirt that reveals her ripped belly and a tee shirt that rides off her rib cage – giving a nice view of the underside of her voluptuous rack. He nearly gasps.

"Alright, you don't have to exaggerate. Maybe this would have been a good look ten years ago – maybe." Debra says in an insecure voice.

"Are you kidding me? You're going to look good in that for another twenty years, Deb."

"You are so full of crap, Gianni."

"I'm full of something." After he says it, he realizes he went a little too far. He and Debra lock eyes like deer in headlights.

"You do look good, Debra." Amy breaks the silence.

"Hey, don't get me wrong Amy. You got it going on as well." Gianni interrupts.

"Sure Gianni, too little too late." She then relents... "Really? I look alright?"

"More than alright." Gianni responds.

"Okay, I think we've both gotten more than our dose of flattery. Gianni, you can go up to the boy's room and change. Amy, come with me and let's see if we can't find some shirts that don't make us look like we work at "Hooters".

"Aw, I was just about to order some hot wings, too." Gianni says with a smile. Debra scowls at him and he starts up the stairs. "Alright, you don't have to tell me when the party is over."

"Come on Amy, let's get out of my daughter's tee shirts before we ruin them."

"Okay, but I think we'll need some butter."

"Or, the "jaws of life." They both crack up as they walk upstairs and into Debra's bedroom.

They enter the room and Amy struggles with her shirt. "Little help, Debra?"

"Here, bend down a little bit." Debra struggles on her tiptoes to yank the tee shirt off of Amy; she falls backward onto the bed. Amy cracks up. Debra sits upright and puts her hands up over her head. "Here, get this off me so I can breathe." Amy pulls that shirt off Debra with one sharp tug. Amy notices as Debra's D cups flop out of her shirt and bounce like a Jello mold. They are pert and full and they gleam with soapey goodness in the light. "Thanks Amy. Listen, I'm going to rinse up, I feel like dried soap."

"If you don't mind, I'll wait for you. I feel itchy too." Amy says as she follows a topless Debra into the bathroom.

"No problem, I'm just doing a quick rinse off." Debra says as she peels off her sweatpants. She makes her way to the shower and turns it on, not bothering to pull the shower curtain closed.

Amy sits on the toilet across from Debra. "Maybe you should put it on the cold water."

"Oh stop." Debra chides as she rubs water over her robust breasts.

"You're telling me if you weren't single, Gianni wouldn't be in this shower with us right now?"

"Us?" Debra says surprised.

"Freudian slip. You do look pretty hot Deb. If I were in college, I'd totally experiment with you." Amy watches the water and soap suds trickle down Deb's tits and thrail over her taut belly into the tiny shaved patch between her legs. Deb catches Amy's near-stare and instinctively turns around in shyness. Her ass pushed out toward the shower glass – it's a wondrous sight. Perfectly sculpted cougar ass and a delightful lady bump rinsing under the shower jets.

Debra stops for a moment. She looks Amy up and down, she's a tall girl who seems frumpy in clothes. But, sitting there naked, Debra sees an athletic body with nice curves and a pair of full, perky breasts. A series of images bombard Debra's brain. She sees an image of her going down on her sister in law that jolts her. Debra feels her nipples harden and her pussy begin to heat up. But quickly, Debra regains composure and thinks to herself that this day could have easily spiraled into a Cinemax movie. She steps out of the shower and grabs a towel. She stays in the bathroom and chats with Amy as she showers briefly. Everything seems normal as the two naked sisters in law make their way to Debra's bedroom again, until....

"What's this?" Amy asks.

"What's what?" Debra responds.

"Why do you have two TV's? One for you and one for Ray?"

"No, the smaller one is a baby monitor. We got it when the kids were born. We don't use it much anymore, but we never got rid of it."

Amy's lips form a smile. "Isn't Gianni in that room right now?"

"Amy! You're terrible." Debra smacks Amy lightly on the arm.

"Oh come on, haven't you ever wondered if he's all talk?" Amy asks. "I'm not going to lie; I kind of want to see what he's packing."

"Of course you do Amy. Your husband probably has a dick the size of a fire hydrant. It's just going to depress me."

"All the more reason to take a peek, you can use it as a fantasy later. This is the kind of stuff that keeps your sex life hot."

"Amy! I don't believe you! Besides, he's probably already dressed." Debra scolds her sister in law as she considers flipping on the monitor. Before she can decide, Amy switches it on."

"Amy!" Debra yelps.

But, before she can do anything she sees a naked Gianni sitting on a toybox.

Amy blurts out... "Oh my God. He's still naked. And, he looks good. Look at those pecs and those biceps."

Debra takes a closer look. "And look what those biceps are doing!"

Gianni is stroking his cock slowly. The women crouch closer to the monitor and watch in utter amazement. He leans back to reveal a perfectly fit body that only a bachelor would have.

"Look at that bod. It's perfect." Amy gasps.

"Not too shabby. And, not as much hair on his chest as I thought."

"Or his balls." Adds Amy. Debra and Amy start giggling like schoolgirls.

"I can't believe he's jerking off. Do you think he's thinking of one of us?" Amy asks.

He's a man Amy, he's thinking of both of us."

"How big do you think that is, Debra?"

Debra looks closely at the monitor; it looks enormous to her compared to her husband. And, she notices its girth is very impressive. "I couldn't tell you. Might as well be a foot long compared to what I'm used to. All I can tell you is that would hurt."