We as a species have this obsessive need to label things. To separate ourselves and others into these neat elitists little groups. We start in school with the in crowds the out crowds the nerds the geeks and the others. As we start to look outside ourselves and our sphere of self we notice the world and the groups we have set for the outside world. Rather the groups are by color, race, religion, nationality, or even by sexual orientation. There are labels and sub groupings for it and everything around us and we even define ourselves by the labels of others.
You can't fill out a form without the inedible questions to group you rather it's by your sex or race or nationality you will be and are grouped. The label that's taking up my focus right now is the one being screamed at me by my boyfriend.
I'm 26 years old I live with my roommate and best friend since fifth grade Sebastian. In high school I was the envy of every girl I knew and those I didn't know hell some of the guys as well. I had this 6'5 250 pound dark hunk to call my own. Though he was mines to call my own I wasn't then and never have been his type. I'm not a dog or anything strawberry blond hair that comes to small of my back big blue eyes and a figure that has turned many a guy's head. We make a striking couple when we appear in public together handsome young and beautiful. Unfortunately I lack the equipment he needs in a partner. See I had the misfortune of being born a girl not a guy.
Now this still wouldn't have been a problem if he was at least Bi but he wasn't. No Sebastian is 100% homosexual. I was the first person he came out to. It was hard for me to hear. I had been secretly in love with him for two years since the day we met and he saved me from the bullies like a knight in shining armor. He is still my favorite Prince and I'm his one and only princess. Now don't think just because he's gay that makes him a sissy boy. Bastian doesn't have a famine bone in his body as my soon to be ex was discovering the hard way.
Bastian and I dated in high school. He wasn't ready to out himself to his family as of yet so it was in part to keep his secret but in truth we really just enjoy each other's company. We have a lot of the same taste we laugh at the same jokes like the same movies and have the same taste in food. We are more comfortable with each other then with anyone else. In truth I think what we have with each other has spoiled us for anyone else maybe that's why neither of us has ever been in a relationship that has lasted. We are married to each other emotionally and mentally in our hearts and souls. We just don't click sexually.
In college after a pretty bad breakup with my latest boyfriend, Bastian was holding me as I cried. I asked him if he ever thought about being with a woman. He said yes but he knew that wasn't an option for him if it was he would be with me. That's when he confessed his love for me. He told me that every time some guy ripped my heart out his heart bled as well. He wished things could be different between us. He told me he wished he could be straight if for no other reason then so he could be with me. Then he kissed me. That kiss rocked my world. His lips were so soft and warm. He tasted like heaven to me.
I wanted it to never stop. But it did. Then it was I holding Bastion as he cried. He truly loved me, just that as I said he was gay not even a little Bi. I was just born the wrong sex.
After that night in my dorm room with Bastion I stopped trying to date. I was open to finding Mr. Right just no longer actively seeking him. Bastion and I soon moved into an apartment together. We been roommates and sexless lovers ever since. At first Bastion tried to have a true relationship with me but it left us both upset and frustrated so finally we just stopped and accepted what we did have together. Barring the no sex thing what we have is much better then what most people in a true relationship have. We truly enjoy each other's company are considerate of each other's feeling.
Sex is just sex but we share true intimacy. That's what most people don't get that sex isn't true intimacy. True intimacy is beyond that it's a meeting of two souls on a higher level beyond the flesh.
We walk a tight rope a thin line above the heartache, at any moment we could come crashing down. We never lie to each other because that hurts worse than the truth. When I meet a guy that I could fancy or he does. We tell the other. Then our relationship changes for the duration of the affair to just best friends. When the affair runs its course as affairs do they aren't meant to last that's just the nature of affair were there to comfort each other. See by design or chance our affairs happen at or around the same time he will get a new love interest. Start dating then I will or visa versa. The minute one breaks up so does the other.
Then it's back to each other's arms till the next time. Each of us living in fears that what if this is the one "Mr. Right". I know for my part I had dated a couple guys that I could have seen myself falling for. Every time it would get to the point that it was getting to serious I would pull back break it off. Bastion would do the same. I told him I wanted him to be happy to find a man to love. His answer: I date men for sex I have you for love.
So if we have such an open loving relationship why is Bastion trying to beat the crap out of my latest ex you might ask? And it would be a very good question. The answer, He had just caught Bastion and I on the couch. Bastion and I as I have stated have a very intimate non sex relationship. We had been cuddling together on the couch, now in my Ex defense if I had walked in and caught him holding a girl the way Bastion was holding me I might have flipped a switch myself. Bastion was on his back with my back to his chest his hand was under my shirt. His other hand was caressing my inner thigh. He had just kissed me when my Boyfriend walked in. Now when I tell you none of this was sexually you're not going to believe me but I'm telling you anyway and it's the truth. We weren't making out it's just the way we are with each other when were alone.
My Boyfriend took one look at us and called me slut two timing bitch a whore and a liar. Take your pick at which insult to my person that Bastion had taking offence to but he was now holding my Ex by his throat as he walked him to the door. Tossing him out the way he had come in.
"You know that Ex of yours is full of shit considering he himself is married very big of him taking offence to your two timing him." He said this all with a smile on his face and in a very dry voice. I couldn't help myself I had to laugh don't know if it was from his twisted sense of humor or the let down of adrenaline but still it felt good.
Bastion sat down beside me rubbing my hair as I calmed down from my bout of merit. "Jess neither of us is getting any younger we can't keep going on like this only dating people we know pose no threat to what we have with each other. I love you with all my heart there isn't any room for any other and it's not fair to us or the men we keep dragging into this mess of ours." He looked me dead into my eyes as he went down on one knee. Jessica Wilson will you do me the honor of becoming my wife. I promise to love you forever even after I die I will still love you I have no doubt that you're the other half of my soul. I know I'm gay but I can't do it anymore I can't watch you go off with other men its eating me up inside I want to be everything to you."
I was spoke less here he was giving me everything I had ever dreamed of. But I knew I couldn't accept for his sake as well as for my own. "I want to say yes so bad I can taste it but it would be fair to you or to me it would only be half of a marriage. I know you would do everything in your power to make me happy. But there's one thing I want that no matter how hard you try you can't give me. And one day I would come to resent you for it."
Tears were freely falling down his face. "Sounds like you already resent me for it I've tried Jess I don't know why I'm impotent around you if you only knew how bad I long to be able to make love to you like you deserve. I never regretted being Gay. But not being able to fully love you makes me hate myself and my being Gay in ways you will never fully know. If you agree to be my wife I promise I will keep you satisfied in every way possible. I'll make do with my hand happily for the rest of lives as long as I know your mines."
If I didn't already love him its times like these that these that would make me fall head over heels in love with him he is such a loving compassionate person he just makes you want to love him. He is the kind of person to give his last meal to a beggar only to starve to death himself and he would do it with a smile no regrets. I knew he truly believed what he was saying and I felt like the worse Bitch on earth to have to tell him no.
"Bastion you know how that makes me feels when we give into that. I feel like the lowest slut a rapist a pervert like I'm using you like a living sex toy. Told you never again last time I was sick for three days. And you felt guilty as hell for cause me pain. Even with that said that's not the reason I'm saying no. I want kids Bastion I want a baby my baby not some kid we about but my child growing in my womb and that's the one thing you can never give me."
Bastion was smiling though his tears."If that's the only reason you're saying no then you better get to planning a wedding. Cause baby I've already thought of that little hiccup myself and my solution is going to rock your world little girl." I looked at him curiously I didn't dare to hope he had solved his impotency problem or that he was suddenly not Gay. So I waited to see how he planned to give me my dreams.
"You love me Jess I know you do. What more could a women ask then to have her children fathered by then man she loves. Baby the equipment works just not the way the two of us needs it to. When I'm with a guy there's no impotency when me and Mr. Hand get together I have no problem producing healthy little swimmers."
"Lucky for us it doesn't need to work to get you pregnant as evidenced by the little tube sitting on deep freeze just waiting to meet your eggs Honey at the lab. I know it's not the most romantic way to make a baby. But our children will still be conceived in love they will be raised in love you're my soul mate and I'm tried of living without you be my wife Jess. I want your face to be the last I see when I close my eyes at night and the first I see when I wake until the day I breathe my last breathe on this earth. My arms are empty without you in them I want to hold you and never have to let you go. No matter how great all that would be having our child Jess our child in our lives would be the icing on the cake I love you I could only just love or children more please put us both of our misery and say you will have me."
After that speech how could I deny him what we both truly wanted? I said yes. I won't bore you with the details we had a lovely wedding and both our families were truly happy my parents were in love with him already. His parents had been ok with him being Gay but still since he was an only child they were happy to see him tie the knot with a "women". We had my required appointment with the Doctor before the wedding. And it bared the fruit I was pregnant with quads. I was a little scared I wanted a baby not four.
But all in all we were taking things easy it all seemed so prefect. The wedding was all I dreamed it to be. We honeymooned in the island I had always been interested in voodoo and as a wedding gift to me Bastion had arranged for me to see it firsthand. The islands were beautiful. But the last day of our honeymoon I went for a walk without Bastion.
I was walking in a part of Haiti not designed for the tourist I was drawn to a little shop. Inside was a beautiful lady dressed in flowing white and she welcomed me with a smile and these words: You feel you were born in skin not your own and it has kept you from attaining true happiness with the other half of your soul. Things right now are happy and your soul is at peace but a time is coming when you will feel the heart ripped from your chest and when that times comes you Dearie will have to make a choice about what matters most to you in this world and if your love is strong enough to give up all that you know and have in this world forever to correct the mistakes of your birth. Know this everything in life happens for a reason you were born a female for a reason. And you will remain so until the day you die. But Death isn't always an ending it's just the end of one journey and a beginning of another. When the dark days come hold on to this truth and your love and you will find the strength you need to see this though take this everything you need is in here you will know the time to open it.
She handed me a small wrapped parcel. I looked down at it when I looked back up to thank her she and the shop was gone. Her words and even more so her words shook me to my core with fear I hurried back to Bastion. We returned home to our new house and lives and in the beginning it was a like a dream I had all I could have ever asked for a rich loving hansom husband I was carrying our children. What more could a body ask for. Then I came home to a scene straight from hell. My nowhere near Bi husband was making love to a woman and loving it.
The sight of betrayal pierced me though the heart killing me with the pain of it. I turned to flee the scene but 8 months of pregnant belly unbalanced my agility and I went down hard hitting my stomach on the hard unyielding steps leading down to our skunking living room. No matter how intense the pain that ripped though my swollen belly it could not overcome the pain of my bleeding heart. I could feel my life's blood pouring out of me in gushing waves. I knew I was dying.
Around me I could hear Bast calling for help. But I knew it was too late to save me. I told Bast to help me to the bathroom. I had one last task to perform before I breathe my last breath. I knew it was time to open the gift the Lady had giving me not long ago. Bast tried to object saying I shouldn't be moving told him to shut up and carry me that this was to important that I had to be in the bathroom. In the end I think he did it just to feel as if he was helping in any small way. If getting him to take me to the bathroom was hard getting him to leave proved even harder I finally lost my temper and told him I didn't have much time and he was wasting the little I had. He left.
I opened the box in there was a note it said: You are dying do as I say as you read you don't have much time. Take the string cover it with your blood. Wrap it around the dolls and say these words. My soul binds to the new body my body isn't my own change the shape of my physical to match the shape of my true destiny as I say so mote it be. So mote it be so mote it be as I said it for the third time everything burst into flames and I breathe my last breathe.
Bastion's point of view.
The paramedic's had to break through the bathroom door they found Jess laying in a pool of her own blood barely breathing they stabilized her and got her to the hospital I rode in the back of the ambulance with her to the hospital. They rushed her straight to surgery. I had to answer some questions don't know how articulate I was. But it must have been enough because they left me alone to deal with my pain and guilt. How could everything have gone so wrong?
I had hired a sex therapist to help me get over my problem so I could be a full husband to my wife. It was suppose to be the ultimate show of love but it had only caused more pain than I could ever with stand. I looked up to see the doctor come into the waiting room. He told me I had four healthy babies that they seemed to have not suffered any ill effects from their premature delivery. Regrettably your wife did not survive I'm so sorry sir.
Lucky for me the babies had to stay in the hospital that allowed me to plan my wives' funeral. Watching them lower her into the cold hard ground was the hardest thing I ever had to see. I just wanted her back into my arms I don't know how I was going to live my life without her. I wanted to curl up and die as well but I had to live for our children I was all they had left.
I woke up in the morgue naked guts hanging out but strangely I felt no pain. I could see my body but I couldn't feel my body I felt an intense burning throughout my whole being as if I was infused with light. The light blinded me and I couldn't see anything as the light faded I found myself naked and covered in blood laying in a field, I could tell it was night but I had no idea where I was or what time it was I didn't even know what day it was. I slowly began to move my limbs my whole body ache as I took stock in my various pains I started to notice that I was missing some body parts and that others had grown in their place.
I looked down at my now flat chest as I raised up I looked down to see a prefect penis nestled between my spread legs.
It had worked I was no longer a girl I was a boy. A cold naked boy with no idea of how I was going to get home from here with no clothes or money or with no idea in which direction home even was. I painfully began to make my way I stole some clothes off a clothesline off a house I passed. As I made it to a street I was elated to see that I wasn't far from home. I began to jog in a hurry to get home and see Bast again to see if my Babies had lived.
The house was dark no lights. I found the front door unlocked as I entered the house I found the silence eerie and unnerving. I made my way up to Bastion's and my bedroom it was as empty as the rest of the house where could Bastion be? Maybe he was at the hospital. I felt really dirty and grungy so decided to take a shower I reached for my shampoo out of habit but had to laugh at myself as I smelled the very feminine smell of it. I shrugged my shoulders as I used it anyway. I liked the smell. I finished my shower and headed to the bedroom to dress I stopped for a second to take in my new appearance in the mirror I looked like myself only more manly. My hair was still long same Strawberry blond color. My eyes were still blue.
I marveled at having an Adams apple and took a second to play with it. I ran my hands down my flat chest it was hairless and smooth. I was still trim at the waist though my hips didn't flare the same way they use to. I turned to look at my butt. I had a nice round bubble butt. I turned back to look at the defining feature of my new manhood my package it was flaccid right now I wondered what size it would be erected. Even flaccid it was pretty impressive. I continued into the bedroom I decided to dress in Bastions clothes. I put on a pair of his form fitting briefs and one of his t-shirts I decided on a pair of my own fuzzy socks for my feet. I headed down to the kitchen to get something to eat.
As I was nuking one of my low calorie meals I heard a car pull into the garage. Yes Bastion was home. I ran to the door happy to see him. He looked so tired and sad he didn't get out the car right away he had such an air of sadness about him. It broke my heart to see him in so much pain. I walked to the door and lightly tapped on the window of the car. Bastion looked at me instead of the joy I expected to see on his face his face was infused with angry. I stepped back in fear I couldn't understand why he wasn't happy to see me.
"Who the fuck are you and why are you in my house?" That's when it hit me he didn't know who I was or why I was even here. I knew I had to talk fast." The words poured out of my mouth without any conscious thought on my part it was a second before I even knew what I was saying. I was repeating what he had said to me the day he asked me to marry him. Bastion had frozen in place and was just staring at me. I stopped my flow of words and said "Bastion say something it's me Jess I know I look different but it's still me."