- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Fuck You
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Click here8-19-03
Fuck You
Fuck You- For giving me false hope.
Fuck You- For taking about the future.
Fuck You-For saying “no worries” while I’m gone.
Fuck You- For breaking my heart twice.
Fuck You-For not knowing what you want again and playing me like a used board game.
Fuck You-For giving up on us after a year.
Fuck You-For being cold-hearted.
Fuck You-For not being honest.
Fuck You-For running like a coward.
Fuck You-For not trying to tell me it’s over in any form of communication.
Fuck You-For weighing sex with another person more important than waiting for the one you love to return.
Fuck You-For you not waiting.
Fuck You-For making me go through this alone in Iraq.
Fuck ME -For giving you a second chance.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 19 years agoI've no doubt that Annaswirls suggestions make for better poetry but I am not sure that the emotional incoherence of the soldier is inappropriate. I think the most important point is that the soldiers anger and his shame(of himself as much as her)is the crucial thing to be expressed. How would this soldier speak?
twelveooneabout 19 years agoon the comment
dannyrugby13
This is excellent advice, excellent rewrite, from one of the best
Note therm is on 50, means nothing, I already voted
annaswirlsabout 19 years agoPlease do not take this as an insult. I am spending my time because while I think this is a strong poem, I think this has potential to do even more.
I am just playing with the line breaks and seeing what happens if I take out some Fuck You's
just an experiment, not suggesting you change a single word. it is very close to you. thank you-
anna
Fuck You- For giving me false hope,
talking about the future,
saying “no worries” while I’m gone.
Fuck You- For breaking my heart
Twice.
Fuck You-For not knowing what you want,
playing me like a used board game.
Cold-hearted and dishonest,
you ran like a coward
without a word of goodbye.
You weighed sex with him to be more important
than waiting for the one you love
to return.
So fuck You-For not waiting.
Fuck You-For making me go through this (alone in Iraq.)* Fuck ME -For giving you a second chance.
*I would consider making this part more poetic-- or descriptive. I do not know what it was like there, but maybe give a hint at the worst part-- to add to the Punch of the hurt you went through, to explain further why you want to say fuck you. Because it is not your usual infidelity, it has an especially emotional component. "Use it for poetry." That has always been my saying. Might as well get something good out of it. It looks like you have.
annaswirlsabout 19 years agodid you ever say the same word over and over again and it starts to sound bizarre? Like spoon. Say it ten times....
List poems like this are tricky. They hold power in their repeating lines, if not repeated too many times. It is like a pinch. After you hold it for a while, your brain gets used to the signal and kind of shuts it off. I think that the skeleton of this poem is powerful. If you reserve some of the fuck you's I think they would hold a bigger punch.
Just my opinion :)
