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Click hereYou smell of not quite flowers,
Like fine milled soap,
And taste-
God, but if I could remember.
So fast,
Timid, skittish kiss
A second’s warmth
And breath.
I could love you,
Lost in your hidden glances,
Your frightened eyes.
I could teach you passion,
Ease you through my lips
Hips
Fingertips.
I could take you,
Force so gently,
Break as you have pled
And leave you only tastes
Memories
And an empty bed.
that comes across in this poem. I agree with the comment by YDD. I think the poem would be stronger without these few lines
Ease you through my lips
Hips
Fingertips.
because they are the only ones in the poem that aren't really understated, although one could argue that "Fingertips" suggests loss and so segues well to the last lines in the piece. Still, I think the poem as a whole is more cohesive without those three.
Wonderful read. Thank you for sharing it.
--Angeline
...and gave it five. I'm so glad to read your work Basilisk. More please.
I really like the first part of your poem,
up until hips,
where you begin to lean towards Lit. tastes.
Before that it is strongly romantic and innocent.
Although gentle and subtle for Lit.
I find the second part more common.
However, the final lines do give an honest twist
to naivet?'s tryst with sophistication.