Get Smart


A fictional story about fictional characters.


This takes place before 86 and 99 were married.

Maxwell Smart (Agent 86) and Agent 99 were anxious to find out why the Chief of CONTROL had called them into his office. They had been his top secret agents for several years, and when he called them in for an emergency meeting, it was usually serious. When they arrived at CONTROL headquarters, weaving their way through the secret passages and numerous doors, the Chief's assistant, Larabee, let them into his office. Once inside, the Chief greeted them cordially, and urged them to gather around his desk and take a chair because he had urgent news concerning a new plot by KAOS.

"Ah yes, KAOS, that international organization of evil," stated Max.

"Quite right, 86," answered the Chief, "now if you will pay attention..."

"But Chief, if this is top secret, aren't you forgetting something," quizzed Max.

Knowing immediately what he was referring to, the Chief pleaded with him, "no Max, please don't make me do that."

"You know the rules, Chief," Max responded.

"Oh all right, get closer to the desk," urged the Chief, his shoulders slumping in resignation, as he flicked a switch and the (supposedly) sound-proof Cone of Silence began to descend over the trio. Their bodies were almost crushed against the desk as the heavy acrylic, transparent cone descended too far. After some maneuvering, their bodies were only mildly scrunched, but still totally uncomfortable.

"Are you satisfied now, Max," the Chief asked.

"What, can you speak up," Max answered, "I can't hear you."

Both 99 and the Chief rolled their eyes and gave Max an exasperated glance, as the Chief began to shout the reason he had called them there: "we have heard rumors that KAOS is developing a new formula that would serve as both a truth serum, and induce temporary amnesia. I don't have to tell you that this would be devastating for the spy business. They could drug our agents into revealing our secrets, and they wouldn't even remember being interrogated."

"Right, not to mention all the cheating husbands out there," Max chimed in.

Again rolling his eyes at 99, the Chief continued, "right Max. Now, we have it by a reliable source that KAOS is operating out of a massage parlor right near here called SOAK. We have been waiting for six months to get an agent in there undercover, and today they finally contacted our participating employment agency asking to fill a receptionist position. 99, we need you to go in there and gather as much information as you can. You will need to be in disguise because that same reliable source has heard that there might be a leak right here at CONTROL. You may even get some customers from here; it is convenient, and as you know, there is a lot of stress here. While under our surveillance, we've seen a Who's-Who of corporate giants and politicians frequenting the place."

She glanced at Max, and then asked "just who is this reliable source, Chief?"

"My barber," he replied; and the two agents both nodded their heads in the affirmative; and "Max, I will need you to pose as a frequent customer, so that 99 can relay the information to you."

They started to get up, and all three cracked their heads against the Cone. After attempting for several minutes to raise the malfunctioning device, they were able to shove the desk to the side just enough to enable them to crawl out from under it on their hands and knees. Max sheepishly apologized, "sorry about that, Chief."

99 decided that she would employ the disguise that she had used before: a Swedish blonde named Ingrid. She reasoned that it would be perfect for a massage parlor receptionist. Being the perfectionist that was her nature, besides the long blond wig; she decided to dye her eyebrows and even her sparse pubic hair. She knew she was only the receptionist, but it was her nature to be completely thorough. When she was soaking in the tub that night, she made sure she shaved all her body hair, except for a neatly trimmed triangle between her long legs. She had no idea what type of uniform they would require, and it may even be a bathing suit, so she didn't want any pubic hair showing. As she stood naked in front of the bathroom mirror, she couldn't help but be impressed by her reflection.

"Not bad for a former farm girl," she thought, "if only Max could see me now." She had long had a crush on the senior agent,but he seemed oblivious to her charms. Staring at her reflection, she was most impressed with her endlessly long and slender legs, and her perfectly round ass cheeks. She knew she was lacking in the breast department, where she only sported 34 B's; but they were so firm and perky, and capped with very prominent nipples. She donned her blond wig, and now that the "drapes matched the carpet," she could easily pass for Nordic.

Early the next morning, dressed in a conservative white blouse and plaid skirt, she entered the SOAK front door, where she was greeted by an energetic, white haired older woman, "good morning, I am Greta. Did the Agency send you?"

"Ya, I am Ingrid; here for the receptionist job," 99 replied, using her best Swedish accent.

"Receptionist... there must be some kind of mistake. Wait here while I go get the boss," Greta ordered.

When Greta reappeared from the back, 99 had to catch her breath because she was accompanied by Max's arch nemesis; Conrad Siegfried. She hoped her disguise was good enough as he eyed her up and down, asking, "do I know you? You look very familiar."

Thinking quickly on her feet, 99 responded, no I don't think so. I have just come over from Stockholm, and I'm sure I would have remembered such a handsome face."

Her flattery quickly put the vain Siegfried at ease, and he explained, "the Agency must have misunderstood. The receptionist position here is held by my mother, Greta; the only vacancy is for a masseuse."

Knowing that CONTROL had waited a month for this opportunity, 99 was not about to let it slip away, as she assured him, "I came for the receptionist job; but I am also a master of Swedish massage. I would love to have the position, and I promise you will not be sorry," and she winked at him slyly.

"Yes, well perhaps you may be just what we need. I will let moth...I mean Greta fill you in on the details, and you may start immediately," Siegfried agreed.

Greta led 99 into the back of the building where there were several private rooms for massages. "This is the hot tub room," Greta showed her, opening a door, "this is why the joint is called SOAK. Some of the customers like to soak in the hot tub to relax before their's something new. This is the employees locker room; it's kind of small, but since we are the only two employees... Get out of those clothes, and put on this smock. We have a lot of paranoid, very important customers, and they have to be one-hundred per-cent certain that you are not wearing some kind of listening device. Some of our customers are big corporation heads, and high government officials; and when they relax, sometimes they talk about private things. Most of them insist that their masseur by completely nude, so that nothing can be concealed."

99 was shocked at the prospect of being naked in front of strangers, but she knew she could not let this opportunity pass by; it was too important to the security of her country. She swiftly ducked into the locker room, stripped naked, and put on the garment Greta had handed her. It resembled a white lab coat, and just barely was long enough to cover her buttocks. She had to admit that it accentuated her long slender legs perfectly.

When she returned to the hallway, Greta assured her, "you are a real looker; you'll do just fine as long as you just do your job and don't get too nosy. As I bring each customer into the back, I'll try to give you the heads-up on what to expect...their preferences and such. With new customers, you will just have to play it by ear. Your tips are your own, and we don't want to know what you do to earn them...if you know what I mean. OK, just relax for a few minutes until your first appointment."

99 didn't truly comprehend what Greta was referring to, she just hoped she would have time to snoop around before her first customer. She didn't. After only about five minutes, Siegfried, clad in a long white terrycloth robe, came sheepishly wandering into the massage room. He wasn't his usual brash self, and she just hoped he didn't recognize her. He informed her, "just wanted to check on you and make sure you had settled in. You seem quite young, are you sure you know how to give massages?"

"Oh ya, I give many massages in Sweden," 99 responded.

"Well, I hope so," Siegfried stated, "because our customers pay a lot of money to relax for a few minutes. We have many influential clients. In case you were wondering about the robe, besides being the supreme boss, I am a regular customer. My request may seem strange, but you will learn not to ask questions or judge clients' requests. You have met my mother. She was not very nurturing when I was a child. She was always off spying, I mean working. Every few days I like to be held, have you stroke my hair, and reassure me that I am a good boy."

With that he let the robe fall to the floor, revealing that he was dressed in only a large diaper, and had been holding a teddy bear under his arm. To 99's surprise, she was not all that shocked. Even though she knew he was a despicable foreign spy, she actually felt herself feeling pity for him. She sat on the edge of the massage table while he lay down and let her cradle his head in her lap. He clutched his teddy bear tightly and began to suck his thumb, as 99 stroked his head and shoulders, uttering soothing platitudes like, "there, there, that's a good Siegfried."

Still using her Swedish accent, she began to sing lullabies to him. Siegfried removed his thumb, reached up, and slid 99's smock off her shoulder baring her right breast. She instinctively leaned forward and he took her nipple in his mouth and began to suckle. Her breasts may have been on the small side, but her incredible nipples made up for it. When aroused, like now, they grew to the size of gumdrops. 99, always career driven, had very few sexual encounters in her life; but could feel the dampness spreading in her crotch. As Siegfried continued to suck on her nipple, she wondered how far he would carry the encounter; and found herself intrigued by the possibilities. She knew that she would follow his lead and do anything to avoid blowing her cover. To Siegfried, this was not a sexual experience, and after sucking on her nipple for a few minutes, he told her she was doing a good job, put his robe back on and left the room.

Her next two customers wanted nothing more than a relaxing hot-oil massage. She recognized them both: one was a US Senator, and the other the CEO of an oil company. They both requested that she be completely naked, and she complied. By the middle of the second massage, she had even stopped blushing. The massages had been easier than she expected (except for the nudity): the Senator had been so egotistical that he spent the entire time bragging about himself, and she just pretended not to understand English; and the oil company honcho had been morbidly obese, and had fallen asleep almost immediately. Both praised her skills as a masseuse, and left her large tips.

Agent 86 had the parlor under surveillance all morning, and figured it was time to check up on 99; just to let her know she was not alone on the assignment. When he approached Greta to book an appointment, she promptly recognized the CONTROL agent from the pictures displayed under the counter. She wasn't that shocked to see him, as several known agents were regular customers. It was right down the street from the CONTROL headquarters, and it was common knowledge that the secret-agent contract was currently being negotiated, creating much stress among the employees.

When she asked him his name, he responded, "Max...I mean Bond...James Bond," using the pseudonym of his hero.

"Oh you mean like the famous spy," Greta asked.

"Spy, no, no...I am a greeting card salesman," Max quickly interjected.

Greta assured him, "no, I didn't mean...oh never mind. Just follow me please." They walked down the hall to a massage room, where Greta instructed, " just go behind the curtain, get undressed, and put on the robe you'll find hanging there. Your masseuse will be in presently, and you can discuss the details with her."

When 99 entered the room, she had to stifle a laugh when she saw Max sitting on the massage table wearing the white, terry cloth robe, and his black socks and shiny black shoes. He began to say her name, but she quickly interrupted him by saying loudly, " ya, hello, I am Ingrid and I will be your masseuse today." She leaned close to him whispering, "86, it is so good to see you. I haven't had a chance to search the room for hidden cameras or bugs, so just play along and act like a regular customer. Just follow my lead." Then she added loudly, "let me help you off with your shoes and socks. Now we can remove the robe and you can lie face down on the table."

When he hesitatingly removed the robe, she saw he was wearing a pair of light blue boxers, and her imagination went into overdrive. This was the opportunity she had been waiting for, and she quickly formulated a plan and set it in motion. As he lay on the table, 99 slyly grasped the waistband of his shorts, "let me help you off with these."

His head jerked around to make eye contact with her, and he whispered, "are you sure that's necessary."

"Ya, I will cover your bottom with a towel, so you just raise up a little and you will be so much more comfortable," she grinned, as she lay a white towel across his buttocks and tugged his boxers down and off his legs. Her mind was now racing with all the possibilities ahead of her. She had fallen asleep many nights pleasuring herself, and dreaming of making love with her fellow Agent. Now that he was here, and naked under a towel, she found it hard to concentrate on anything else. As he lay on the table with his face through the round opening, he jumped when he felt her squirt some oil on his back. Knowing that he was completely at her mercy if he didn't want to blow their cover, 99 quickly unbuttoned and shrugged the smock from her shoulders and hung it on a hook.

Feeling the material brush against his arm, Max raised his head to look, and nearly choked when he saw 99 completely nude. "99," he blurted out.

"Ingrid," she quickly corrected him. Not believing how bold she was being, 99 leaned against the side of the table with her exposed crotch just inches from 86's astonished face. "She whispered," just relax and I'll try to fill you in as I massage you. Remember, they may be watching, so don't make a scene. Just behave like a normal customer."

Max lowered his head again, and now all he could see were 99's long, incredibly beautiful legs moving around him. She began to rub his back, spreading the soothing oil all around his skin. She felt him tense up when she whispered that Siegfried was the owner of the shop. She informed him that Siegfried/KAOS also owned the florist shop next door, and that she had noticed several known KAOS agents entering it. When they left, they were all carrying a white corsage box. "I'll check that out," he assured her. "I must say, you're quite good at massages," he added, "I'm feeling very relaxed."

"Ya, thank you sir," she acknowledged, and whispered, "maybe I can give you one of these at my place sometime."

Max was feeling relaxed until her legs came into view again, and then all he could think about was her nudity, and how close she was. He had never really thought of her as anything other than his partner before, but seeing her naked had made him realize what a desirable woman she was. He could feel his involuntary erection stretching up his stomach against the table. Her hands were now rubbing the upper part of his thighs and he began to squirm under her erotic touch.

99 noticed his sudden tenseness and inched her hands closer to his buttocks; then slid the towel farther up and began to knead his ass cheeks with her slippery hands. Her nipples were now aroused and she knew it was now or never, so she said, "I think it's time to turn over now so I can get the front." Before he had a chance to object, she surprised him with her unbelievable strength and swiftly flipped his body completely over. She was pleased to see the towel now tented over his groin; knowing that she had achieved some of her goal. She now knew that despite his stoic demeanor, he did desire her.

Max knew that she could plainly see the proof of his excitement, and was flummoxed as to how to respond; so he just decided to lay there and pretend everything was normal. As she began to massage his surprisingly masculine chest, 99 could not take her eyes off the canopy of towel at his groin, and she felt her own crotch growing damp. Max wanted to close his eyes, but was compelled to keep them open just a slit, as he watched 99's round little tits jiggle as she rubbed him. The closer she got to his groin, the more tense he became. As she firmly manipulated the flesh below his navel, she "accidentally" brushed the towel aside and it fell to the floor completely exposing his rock hard cock.

Attempting to stay in character, despite her arousal, 99 remarked, "ya, we must do something to relieve this tension," and she wrapped her oily hands around his penis. She was more than pleased with the size of his cock, as it must have been a good eight inches, with a head the size of a peach. As she slid her slender hands up and down his length, she felt his hand brush against her pubic hair. She spread her legs wider to give him access, as she leaned over the table, opened her mouth, and lightly flicked her tongue across his cock slit. He jumped at the touch, and she could feel his fore and middle fingers trace her wet slit up and down. She had very prominent labia and she knew he must be searching for her opening.

His fingers were coated with her secretions when he finally found her hole and slid his two digits up inside her pussy. It was incredibly tight as he stuffed them inside her as far as he could. She moaned, "oh God," when she felt his fingers flex inside of her, and had to lean against his body for support when her knees grew weak. Her body shuddered and she came immediately as he fingered her neglected cunt. Wanting to return the favor, she opened her mouth and lowered it over his hardened pole. She didn't have much experience sucking cock, but soon found that blowjobs come quite naturally. She grasped the base of his cock with one hand, and fondled his scrotum with the other, while bobbing her mouth up and down allowing his prick to stab the back of her throat. She locked her lips around his cock for a seal and sucked it like a vacuum cleaner.

As he continued to finger fuck her, 99 tickled his shaft with her tongue and sensed he was near ejaculation. She raised her head off his cock so that he could spray her face, and pumped her hand up and down his pole. Suddenly, his balls moved up and his cock erupted, coating her entire face with his load of semen. 99 came again as his thumb rubbed her clit, his fingers deep inside her. Max had been aiming for her open mouth, and as he watched his sticky white goo dripping down her face, he remarked, "missed it by that much."

99 licked as much of the cum from her face as possible, wanting to savor the gift from the man she loved; then toweled off, and wiped her fluids which were dripping down her thighs. She smiled as she noticed 86 licking his fingers clean, and offered him a towel to wipe off the excess oil. The atmosphere was slightly awkward, so she leaned forward and whispered, "be at my place tonight." They both took a minute to observe and appreciate each other's naked body, as Max smiled widely at her remark. As he made his way behind the screen to dress, he informed her in a hushed tone that the Chief would be in to check on her progress later that day. As he was leaving, 99 jokingly asked, " tip?"

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