tagHumor & SatireGetting Paid for Your mistakes

Getting Paid for Your mistakes


The town of Littleton Ohio was on pins and needles. It had been over 3 weeks since the EMS (Emergency Medical Services) had been called to the Carters house on Maiden Lane.

The first time was when Mrs. Carter had tried to spice up their love life. She had bought herself some black leather pants. The pants were half a size to small. She squeezed herself into the size 4 pants. The problem was once in, she couldn't get out.

It took a visit to the Emergency room and an intern with a steady hand to slit the new $200 pants loose from Mrs. Carter's body. In two weeks time Mr. Carter was admitted to the ER. His body had an allergic reaction to the Latex gloves that Mrs. Carter used on him during anal play.

Not only was this the problem but the black butt plug she had shoved up his ass got stuck. His sphincter muscles clinched around the plastic penis.

They had to give Mr. Carter some muscle relaxants and some Benadryl for his rash.

A couple of weeks more when by and 911 got the call that a victim in the Carters Household was bleeding.

When they got there Mr. Carter was bleeding from his family jewels.

It's seems Mrs. Carter had been drinking and had this idea to shave his balls. Now with the razor and her drunken hand. She nicked his balls.

The EMT's cringed when they saw what she had done.

In the ER he was stitched up and then sent home. The discharging Dr gave them instructions to stop their kinky play.

The rumor around town was that Mrs. Carter had caught him, messing around with his ex wife. In Her drunken state she had tried to Bobbitt him.

Things had pretty much calmed down in this town of 1500 people.

There was a contest to see what sort of Kinky escapades the Carters would come up next with.

It was found out the night that Henry Carter sort of limped into the local Bar. He sat gingerly on the bar stool and ordered himself a beer.

His best friend Alex sat next to him and had seen Henry sitting down slowly.

"So Henry how you doing? Alex asked.

Henry sighed. "Okay Al, just sore is all!"

"Oh? Alex said.

"Well you might as well hear it now, instead from the rumor mill." "Helen went to her mother's for the week."

" I was a bit horny and well I couldn't find the lotion so I went looking for Helen's bottle of baby oil."

"I had forgotten to put on my reading glasses. I opened the bottle and used it."

"It felt so nice going on". "So nice and cool."

"Then it started to dry. The next thing I knew my cock was burning like fire. I took a shower but the whole time it burned."

"When I finally found my reading glasses, I read the label on the bottle it was rubbing alcohol."

Alex cringed as he heard that, he started to squirm.

"Did it do any damage?" He asked.

"Nope I felt fine once I got all nice and clean.

"I will never do that again, let me tell you."

Alex felt so bad for the guy that he bought him a couple of rounds.

Henry thanked him for his kindness and left him to go home.

Henry and Helen ran out of ideas to spice up their sex life.

So the EMS department had some time to rest.

But the town still had a contest on what would be next for the kinky couple.

In the middle of May they got their wish.

They got a call around 12 AM on the 14th.

Joan was on the 911 desk and she smiled when the she saw where the call was coming from.

"911, please state the nature of your emergency!"

"Can you send an office over with handcuff keys please?' Helen said into the phone.

"Ma'am can you please repeat that?" Joan asked.

"Joan You damn well heard what I said!" Helen said.

"Okay, Okay Helen I will send someone over!" Joan said, and she hung up.

Officer Joe Franklin was in the area and took the call. He knocked on the Carters door and he heard Helen call him in.

"We're downstairs!" Helen called up to him

He went down to the basement and was shocked to see Henry bent over a sawhorse, stark naked, cuffed to the legs.

He walked around and surveyed the situation.

"Henry how you doing?" He asked.

"I am cuffed, buck naked and losing the feelings in my legs and arms, how the fuck you thing I am doing Joe?" He growled.

"Okay, okay Henry keep your pants on, oops wrong choice of words sorry!" Joe said with a bit of a smirk.

He took out his cuff keys and knelt down to unlock the cuffs.

"Um Helen?" He asked running a hand over his stubble face.

"Yes Joe?" Helen replied.

"Where did you get these cuffs?" Joe asked.

"I bought them off of EBay,why?"

"Because these are not your typical handcuffs!"


She went and got the printout and handed him the paper.

Joe read it over.

"Helen these are police handcuffs but from Russia!"

"Russia, Helen what the fuck!" Henry screamed at her.

"Honey I didn't know!" Helen started to cry

"I am so sorry, here all I wanted to do was spice up our sex life,and all I ever do is mess it up."

She ran from the basement and they heard the front door slam shut.

"Oh fucking great now what do we do Joe? Henry asked.

Joe got on his shoulder mic and had the desk call in a locksmith.

Mike the local locksmith came over as quick as he could.

"Man this is nothing like I have ever seen." "I need to call my dad on this one."

When Old Man Wellington got there he came shuffling down the stairs.

Henry was now covered in a blanket on couch which Mike and Joe had carried him over to.

"Seen this once before in my life. " Mr. Wellington said as he fumbled through his massive key ring.

"Hmm let me see if I recall which one it is!"

He tried half a dozen keys.

"Guys, I can't feel my arms and legs now?" He's voice on the verge of super panic.

Mr. Wellington tried a few more keys and soon they had Henry out of the cuffs.

"Damnedest thing I had ever seen. "Them Ruskies know how to keep their prisoners locked up for sure!" He laughed.

The EMT's and paramedics checked out Henry and thought he would be okay, but for precautions they took him to the Hospital for a checkup.

Joe grabbed Henry some clothes and brought them to the hospital.

Henry was sent home.

Helen had come home and she told Henry that it was over.

Henry agreed that once the sex had gone,they had nothing in common anymore.

They got a quick divorce.

Henry got to keep the house and married a wonderful woman whom he had a lot in common with.

Helen moved to Philadelphia and became a professional Dominatrix.

Kinky moral to this story is sometimes you pay for your mistakes and sometimes they pay you for your mistakes. :)

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