Getting the Lover You WantbyGoldeniangel©
This is pretty much my sequel trilogy to "Getting Her Into Bed", which was a how-to for men in a relationship on how to treat their women so that their women want sex. I consider this a companion trilogy, the two will work best when combined, because for a relationship, both sides need to be working at it.
So, as in "Getting Her Into Bed", we're going to start with the basics, which is the same as the basic for men. Don't forget about your partner.
And now there are a bunch of women out there screaming at me. Seriously though, I never say it right out to the men, but that's what it's about. For women, we like the romancing a lot, the emotions, we want to feel that we are in bed with someone who cares about us. Sex is BECAUSE we feel loved and cared about.
Unfortunately this can lead to a lot of problems, because men feel cared about because OF the sex. And of course, I'm making broad generalizations, but these stereotypes are based on what is true for a lot of people. So. We have a woman who wants to feel cared about before she has sex, and we have a man who wants to have sex so that he feels cared about.
"Male pride" often has to do with sexuality, how good they are in bed, how often they're in bed, how they can brag to their friends about it all. Obviously, that's not the only reason they're with you, they're also with you because you're beautiful and sexy and you guys connect on a level that's the best thing that's ever happened to him. But part of that connection is going to be the sex.
Men want to feel cherished and cared about just as much as us women do, they want things to be spontaneous and fun in bed, they want someone who finds them just as devastatingly sexy as they find their partner. Women are not always so good about showing this. There are MANY times when I have forgotten to admire my guy's looks (this may be because his body is often covered by a Spongebob Squarepants t-shirt, but that doesn't knock the fact that under that childish t-shirt is one hell of a bod!) And he feels very upset about this after awhile.
Women are not the only ones body obsessed lately. In fact, I have run across more and more guys intent on getting "ripped" and "muscular", they're just as worried about their own looks as any woman. Most of the guys I know spend as long (if not longer) getting ready to go out. Unfortunately, this no longer includes my fiancé because he no longer feels the need to impress me, so what I did was drag him out to the store and made him get some nice clothes that didn't have cartoon characters or funny sayings on them. I reminded him that I want him to look nice for me... but there is another side to that. I also look nice for him.
After having been together for some years it is so easy to fall into the habit of not looking your best, or of only trying for comfort. You've already got him, so why bother? I'll tell you why to bother, because right now there are younger women walking down the street thinking that he's oh so cute and that his complaints about his under sexual wife who no longer even does her hair in the morning are just pathetic. Again, I'm exaggerating, but the feelings there exist, just as much as they do on our part. Now, I'm not saying go all out with the make up and blah blah blah... actually, most guys prefer LESS of the make-up. But take some days where you just do yourself up to look STUNNING. Absolutely fab. And then make sure that he knows it's JUST FOR HIM. Get some outfits in his favorite colors, even if it's not yours. I recently stopped straightening my hair because my fiancé expressed his disappointment that I'd let go of my curls for such a long period of time. When he does notice an outfit, a hairstyle, or the way I did my eye-make up, I remember and I re-use it. Or at least, now I do because we finally figured out how to accommodate for each other.
So what if you've been married for 5, 10 or 20 years? Get something crazy sexy and surprise him with it in the bedroom, I can guarantee that you will make his night.
In order to get your man to treat you the way you want, you need to make him FEEL those things that you want him hear. Make him see your inner sexuality, make him notice just how fucking fantastic looking his girl his, make him want to brag about you. And make sure that he knows it's all for him, you are all his. What man wouldn't feel great with some gorgeous honey on his arm who's hanging all over him?
Look good for him and let him know that you really like it when he looks good for you. Compliment those biceps, tell him how much you love that little bit of a gut that he's got. Take the things that you love about his body and lavish them with attention. Not only will it give him an ego-trip, it will remind him just what a great choice he made when he got together with you.
Now, the compliments don't always work. Despite all my pouts and pleadings to the contrary, my fiancé does not at all believe me that I liked his belly better with a little bit of flab. But he does like that I insist on rubbing the tiny bit that's left after his martial arts training, and he definitely loves it when I grab his butt. Those are two of my favorite portions of his body, and man does he know it.
Touch your man. Even if you aren't particularly touchy-feely person, that will just make it mean all the more to him. Let him know you're there, rub up against him, feel your sexiness and act like you're Catwoman just curling your body around him. Nothing is more guaranteed to drive a man more wild.
And the response to this, is that you will suddenly be getting a lot more compliments. He'll smile when he sees you walking into the room, knowing that you're looking so damn hot for him. You'll feel his eyes lingering on you at all times. And chances are, you'll start acting like two teenagers in love again, only you won't be doing it in the back of his car.
So. Next chapter I'm going to concentrate on the bedroom =)