Good for Tombytothehilt©
Their innocent little faces beamed up at me, a heart-warming sight on my doorstep.
They cried out with one voice, full of expectation - expectation of something for nothing.
'Trick or treat!'
I sent them packing empty-handed.
Just before I closed the door, I noticed the local stray, a big old black and white cat, trying to sneak behind me into the house. My wife Sue gave him titbits from time to time. With a well-aimed kick I lobbed him several feet in the air. He's such a soporific old slob he hardly raised a yelp in protest. He didn't run away, but just stood there, glowering at me, in his sullen, sleepy-looking way.
I took a few steps towards him; he took a few steps back. I took another few steps forward; again he moved just enough to keep the same distance between us, but insolently held his ground. I made a rush for him and that finally sent him scarpering, but as soon as I stopped running he stopped too, as if to show me I couldn't really scare him.
He and I had unfinished business.
I closed the door and came back to the table where my darling wife, Sue, and her best friend, Morfia, were seated.
'Did you give them some of the chocolates and nuts, darling?' asked Sue.
I resumed eyeing up Morfia. She was stunning, filling out an elegant little black number in all of the right areas. It was difficult to believe that she and Sue were the same age.
'How do you look so good, Morfia? What's your secret?'
'Oh, it's black magic,' she replied, without meeting my glance. 'Now Sue,' she continued, 'when are we having a proper girl's night out? I can't remember the last time -- '
Sue's mobile rang.
'Don't take it!' said Morfia, but Sue was already fumbling in her bag, and rushing out of the room to take the call. A moment later, she came back with a regretful smile.
'They've had a pile of emergencies at the hospital in the last hour, and two of the nurses have phoned in sick. I'm going to have to go in.'
'No! ' protested Morfia. 'I'm not letting you go!'
Sue sighed. 'I'm sorry. I know what it's like on A&E when you're short-staffed on a really busy night.'
'I may as well go too then.'
'Don't be silly,' said Sue. 'Finish your dessert, have a drink and relax. Roger will keep you company.'
'Be happy to.'
While Sue got ready to go I let my hand rest on Morfia's knee. The look on her face was stony and expressionless, but she didn't remove it.
A few minutes later, Sue was ready to go. She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. 'See you later, sweetheart.'
And then it was just the two of us. I moved my hand further up, towards the inside of Morfia's thigh.
'What are you doing?' said Morfia.
'We have several hours together on our own.'
'Several seconds you mean. I'm about to go.'
'Morfia, you want this. I can see it in your eyes.'
'Has it crossed your mind that you are making a pass at your wife's best friend?'
'Don't you love Sue?'
I shrugged. 'She's a good sort and looks after me.'
'She adores you. You should try to rekindle the passion.'
'I don't want to have to try. I don't have to try when I look at you, Morfia.'
I could sense the cogs and wheels of her mind whirring, while I enjoyed the feel of my hand on her thigh.
Suddenly she came to a decision.
'All right what?'
'Let's go upstairs.'
'Are you serious?
'Yes,' she said, matter-of-factly.
'I've got to make a quick phone call. Go upstairs and get ready.'
At the top of the stairs I stood listening, trying to find out who she might be calling, but she talked quietly and I couldn't hear much. It obviously wasn't her husband, Tom. He had left a little goodbye note on the kitchen table a couple of years ago and disappeared without a trace. Good for Tom, I say. It takes guts to do something like that. But I'd applauded him more on principle. After all, Morfia was a dish. Why on earth would anyone want to leave her? When I heard her finish her call, I stole into the bedroom and waited for her to come upstairs.
She sauntered into the bedroom, holding me in her gaze as she slipped off her shoes and removed her necklace and bracelet. My heart was pounding; this was really going to happen after all. All that body was going to be mine. I moved towards her; she moved towards me. Then the doorbell rang
'Just leave it,' I smiled. 'It will be another bunch of snotty kids.'
'No, I'll get it.'
'It will only be more trick-or-treat brats.'
'No - it might be my special guest.'
'You're special guest?'
'Be right back.'
What the hell was she playing at? Had she had double-crossed me and phoned Sue? I hastily tucked my shirt back into my trousers, and followed her downstairs, just in case.
Morfia opened the door.
'Trick or Treat!'
The woman was stunning. Thinner than Morfia but shapely too, and also wearing a very tight-fitting slinky black number.
'Roger - meet my sister, Channelle.'
Channelle ran her tongue over rouge-glossed lips and flashed a predatory smile. 'Pleased to meet you, Roger.'
'This is your sister?'
'Isn't she lovely?' said Morfia.
'Is this the person you phoned a minute ago?'
'How did she get here so quickly?'
They giggled at each other and, arm in arm, headed upstairs to the bedroom.
'Wait a minute, you don't look like sisters.'
When I followed them into the bedroom, my eyes nearly popped out of my head. The two of them were passionately kissing and pawing at each other's bodies.
'You don't act much like sisters either.'
'But we are!' they exclaimed together. Both of them looked at me with shining eyes and flushed cheeks. It was stunning. Let's face it - every guy's fantasy.
'Well?' said Morfia, breathing heavily.
Both of them started stripping me. I wasn't sure I could handle this, but at the same time it was wildly exciting.
Channelle and Morfia both laughed when they saw the full extent of my excitement.
'I can see he's pleased to see us,' said Morfia.
'He's up for it. And so am I,' I said, my heart in my mouth.
What would Sue do if she came back now? But I was past caring. The two most beautiful bodies I'd ever seen in my life were stripped naked and advancing towards me. Morfia locked me in a snog, and Channelle came up to me from behind, and suddenly I felt something lock upon my wrists.
'Wait a minute, what the -- '
'A bit of bondage, Roger,' said Channelle. 'We love it.'
'No. Get them off. I don't play those games.'
'You do now.'
'Aw, Roger,' wheedled Channelle. 'Why don't you just go with it? You might like it.'
'I don't know.'
'You want to call it off?' sighed Morfia. 'Shame! You don't want two tongues and four hands exploring every inch of your -- '
'All right, all right.'
A little vial of greenish liquid appeared under my nose.
'Drink,' said Morfia. It was a command rather than a request.
'What is it?'
'It'll make you animal enough to satisfy both of us.'
The green liquid was sliding down my throat before I really had time to think about it.
It made me feel good.
'Right, you bitches!' I roared, beside myself with lust. 'Both of you on the bed - right now!'
They both lay back on the bed and opened their legs, laughing -- a harsh metallic laughter that made me feel uneasy.
The next thing I knew I'd fallen on my knees to the floor. A terrible nausea swept over me; I tried to speak, but nothing came out but an incoherent growl.
I heard that strange metallic laughter again, and the two of them began dancing around me, or so it seemed - I was so dizzy I couldn't be sure. As they circled around me, they uttered a weird chant, full of words I'd never heard before.
Inside me, everything seemed to be bubbling and boiling; my innards were melting like wax.
I screamed: 'Help me! Something terrible is happening! This isn't having the effect it's supposed to!'
'Oh yes it is, Roger,' said Morfia. 'Go with it!'
I crumpled up on the floor in agony, feeling like a lobster thrown into a boiling pot. My entire body seemed to be cooking and liquefying. I didn't know if I was dying or not, but it was a mercy when I finally sank into unconsciousness.
When I came round, I no longer felt sick, but I felt strange; very strange.
I glanced at the bedroom mirror to check myself, but saw nothing.
I checked my position relative to the mirror and moved closer; I was still unable to see anything. The only creature reflected there, at the foot of the mirror, was a tiny, bewildered-looking black cat.
'What the hell is going on!'
At least this is what I screamed in my head, but the only sound I heard in the room was the sound of a cat's miaow.
This produced shrieks of mirth from Morfia and Channelle.
'What is going on?' I bawled at the top of my voice. Again, all I heard was a pitiful miaow.
Morfia and Channelle seemed perfectly able to understand me.
'Roger,' spluttered Channelle, almost unable to speak for laughing. 'Meet - yourself.'
I looked back at the mirror. Nothing but the cat.
'What kind of a trick are you playing here? Is this a hallucination?'
'It's not a trick, Roger,' said Channelle, winking at Morfia. 'And we've got another nice surprise for you.'
'I've had enough surprises for one night. You're not sisters at all, are you?'
They looked at me with a hideous gleam in their eyes. 'We are sisters, Roger.' said Morfia. 'Sisters of the craft.'
I looked back again at the mirror. 'Oh my God! Turn me back into a man!'
'But Roger!' said Morfia, reproachfully. 'Don't you want your surprise?'
'Turn me back -- '
'Coooeeee! Here, Tom!'
Into the frame of the mirror came that big old stray I'd kicked God knows how many times. It was him, all right. Huge and no longer soporific, his eyes glowed and his whole body quivered. Something in his expression told me he'd remembered every single kick I'd ever given him.
Morfia's face was suddenly free of merriment.
'Meet Tom, my husband. He was just like you, Roger. A swine, who didn't care how much he hurt other people. So I made him pay, but being sentimental, I did promise him one last little favour.'
'Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like what it was?'
'Tom cheated on me for years and years, a lot of people knew that - but not many of them knew that Tom liked to swing both ways - and I promised him that I would always give him first option on any fresh meat in the neighbourhood. So, Roger, meet Tom, and Tom, meet Roger.'
Tom was upon me before I had time to protest. His claws dug deep and hard and his teeth lanced into my neck. I screamed. By cat standards he was big in every department. It was a long, a very long, night.
So, here we are again, one year on.
Another Halloween night.
The kids knock on the door, all shiny-faced and wide-eyed.
'Trick or treat!'
Sue comes out with the chocolates and nuts. I miaowed at her tonight, but she didn't understand. All she did was put down a saucer of milk for me, and give me a quizzical stare.
She didn't let me in. Only Tom is allowed in.
As for Tom, he never tires of me. On and on it goes, night after night. Wish I hadn't kicked him so much.
But he hasn't been round tonight, thankfully. Where is he, I wonder?
I prick up my ears. A shiver of fear runs through me when I hear the soft, steady padding of stealthy paws.
Before I have time to run, he's on top of me and digging his claws into my sides. I smell his breath -- Sue's given him sardines again, just my luck. He's exactly where he wants to be and I know what's coming next.