tagHumor & SatireGoodbye Sis, Hello Bro

Goodbye Sis, Hello Bro


("Goodbye Sis, Hello Bro” is yet another true episode in the sexual story of my life. I am purging my soul. Telling of my past "sins" is part of my repentance.)

"Goodbye Earl" by the Dixie Chicks made it big at the Country Music Awards. "Goodbye Sis" is my favorite tune.

Kevin and I met online. We both frequented a certain erotic bulletin board. Soon friendly banter turned to serious discussions. After several months of revealing ourselves over the internet, we decided to meet in person. From the moment I set eyes on him I thought he might be the one.

We took it slow and waited over a year to announce our engagement and set a wedding date for six months hence. Those six months passed slowly for me, because of my eagerness to consummate our love. You see, I am a virgin, for religious reasons. Well, actually, I am a born-again virgin. I had not engaged in sexual relations for over two years ever since I became a Jesus freak. I even had a “Jesus Loves” license plate on the front of my car.

Kevin had some very unusual fetishes that I would indulge, as long as he didn’t touch my body. He particularly liked my lingerie, especially panties. He would rummage through my drawers, the wooden kind, and pick out his favorites. I even caught him going through my hamper, discarding everything not 100% cotton and white.

My selection of panties at that time consisted mostly of thongs; nylon/Lycra spandex type thong things. The colors included taupe, paisley, purple floral, red currant and lime reptile. I also had several opaque string bikinis in colors like blue and black rawhide. Kevin much preferred the 100% cotton white high-leg briefs.

Kevin would make use of my panties for his masturbation sessions that he made me watch. He would either wear the panties if he found them in my drawer or sniff them if he found them in the hamper. He pleased himself at least five times a day. I wanted to suck his cock and fuck him silly but I continued to play possum. Fifty “Hail Marys” and a hundred “Our Fathers” would usually prompt my libido to subside.

The night before the wedding we had the rehearsal and a dinner afterwards. Kevin seemed particularly fond of his sister, who had come from afar for the wedding.

Everything went extremely well. After the dinner Kevin drove me home. We sat in his car in my driveway and talked for hours about our future life together. Finally I got to the subject that had concerned me earlier that evening.

“Kevin, you seem quite fond of your sister. I mean, really fond. You almost act like lovers. What’s up with that?”

“We are lovers!” Kevin blurted.

Total shock engulfed me. I could barely speak, but managed to stutter, “Say, uh, say what?”

“We are lovers, Deb,” Kevin began matter-of-factly.

“Go on,” I encouraged somewhat reluctantly.

Kevin didn’t speak for several minutes. He seemed to be contemplating what he should and should not tell me. Being a lawyer, I’m sure he didn’t want to say anything too, well, you know. I thought he just might say, “I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may to incriminate me.” So I egged him on a bit.

“Tell me,” I begged. “You have to tell me. I won’t hold it against you.”

“You never hold it against me, Deb, that’s the problem.”

“But I will tomorrow night, after we are married. Promise. Now tell me! What’s up with you and your sister?”

“Let me tell you about it. It started when I had barely reached puberty. Jenny is nine years older than I am. I had seen porn movies and magazines, but never had been with a woman yet. Jen and her ex-husband had just had a baby and they came to spend a few days over Christmas with us at my mom’s house.

“It was late one evening and everyone had gone to bed. I stayed up late to watch a movie in the TV room. During the movie I heard a noise; someone had woken. My sister came into the room with her six-month old baby.

“Apparently the baby had begun to cry so my sister got up to feed her. Jen entered the TV room and sat next to me. She wore a short silky nightie. Her tits looked so big and bouncy, and all full of milk. She quietly slipped a strap off her shoulder, to reveal one large swollen boob and offered it to her baby who sucked it.

“I tried not to stare, but I was young and fascinated by the sight of my sister’s naked tit. Jen seemed amused by my staring. I think that she tried to make light of the situation by telling me and teaching me.

“Jen asked me whether I had ever seen a girl’s boobs before. I replied honestly that I hadn’t. She then showed me her tits and explained how after her pregnancy they had gotten so much bigger. As she spoke, I could feel my cock getting hard under my thin pajama pants. My sister noticed and smirked.

“When the baby fell asleep, Jen gently put her down and we continued to talk. My education of a woman’s breast continued. She asked me if I would like to touch them. I nodded eagerly.

“Jen showed me how to feel them and she demonstrated what she liked to have done to them. Oh my God, I thought I just might explode at that point. There I am sitting next to my beautiful older sister, with my hands on her boobs, sucking milk from her big tits. For ten minutes or so I went from one tit to the other, tasting her delicious milk and feeling her lovely nipples in my mouth. To tell you I was so horny wouldn’t even begin to describe how I felt.

“And then, while sucking her tits, I heard Jen moan and tell me how good it felt. Her warm hand reached down and drew my throbbing cock from my pajamas. As I continued to play with her boobs with my mouth, she gently wanked my rock hard dick. I’ll never forget what an amazing feeling it was shooting my cum all over my gorgeous sister’s hand. And that was just the beginning of a whole series of eye opening experiences for me.

“Jen’s ex-husband David also became involved somewhat in our trysts. He liked to watch while wearing her lingerie. While I like panties, he preferred her crushed velvet chocolate micro chemise trimmed in lace, her stretch mesh wine leopard sheer animal print with the low-cut back and side slit, and her low-cut luxe black velvet sleepshirt.

“There is nothing sexier than fucking your own sister, let me tell you. And she gives great head. I mean she really loves to suck cock. I bet she could give you a few lessons, Deb. Not that I know for sure yet. Remember at dinner tonight when Jen excused herself to make a phone call? And I said I had to pee? We stepped outside for a few minutes, went behind the restaurant and Jen gave me a quick blowjob. I just love watching it squirt all over her face. And then, when dinner was served, and she ate her food, all I could think of was my cock going in and out of her mouth. That’s why my fork slipped out of my hand and fell on the floor several times.”

“Kevin, you fucking slime-sucking scum-snorting son of a bitch!” I screamed. There will be no wedding, at least not with me. I bet you are a mother fucker too.”

I pulled the .357 Glock 33 out of my purse. I pointed it at Kevin but I changed my mind. “No, I won’t fucking kill you. Maybe.” I got out of Kevin’s car and stormed into my house. He drove away, stalling twice.

The next day Kevin married his sister Jen. I stood there watching, with my Winchester Model 1300 Defender shotgun wavering between the two of them. I have the pistol grip 12 gauge. Eight shots and I stood ready to put one in somebody’s ass if they didn’t say, “I do.”

Kevin and his sister, ‘er I mean wife, lived happily ever after. Well, almost. They had three boys. Everybody calls the kids “the three little midgets” or Larry, Curley and Moe. All three boys have a panty fetish just like their dad. Dad and the three midgets can be found at Victoria’s Secret every Saturday, drooling and trying on panties.

By the way, Kevin is now a widower. His sister, ‘er I mean his wife, suffered a terrible fate. She choked to death on a huge pickle. Goodbye Sis! Well, actually it was Bobtoad’s penis, the part he didn’t want (Stay tuned for the true story, “The Boy with the Monster Dick”). After Bob’s penis reduction surgery, he gave me the six inches the doctors removed.

OK, OK, so I fibbed about the ending of this story. But I did dream the dream. Now for the way it really happened, this is my story and I’m sticking to it …

I talked to my minister the evening before the wedding, shortly after Kevin had revealed to me his incestuous relationship with his sister. Pastor Bob set me straight on this incest business and many other things such as homosexuality.

Pastor Bob read Leviticus, chapters 18 and 20, to me.

“My dear young lady,” he lectured, “God’s theme in this chapters of Leviticus is not to put the shackles on sexual pleasure and eroticism, it instead clearly stated the rules for procreation. We know God’s great concern for pure pedigree, in particular with respect to the seed of the woman through which would come the Messiah. God made it a sin for women to engage in sexual intercourse with angels and beasts. But then, who is to say that most human males are not beasts?

“My dear young lady,” Pastor Bob continued, “if it were not for incest, how do you suppose we all got here? Just whom do you suppose Cain married? His sister don’t you think? Close inbreeding has not always had a damaging effect. The royal prerogative of the Inca rulers was to marry sisters. What about Cleopatra? The Ptolemies married their sisters to keep the money in the family.”

Pastor Bob went on and on and on. Finally I interrupted him.

“Well, Pastor Bob, what about gay marriage?”

“My dear young lady,” Pastor Bob scolded, “you really should study your bible more thoroughly. Leviticus 18:22, ‘Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination’ has been totally misconstrued. It is all about temple prostitution as part of the act of worshipping God. No way is it a blanket condemnation of homosexual behavior.”

I remembered then what Kevin had said. He, in his work as a civil rights attorney, championed the cause of gay rights, in particular with respect to marriage. I recalled his exact words, “How is it that in this day and age there are still people who oppose queer marriage? In a constitutional climate where civil rights are supposed to promote equality, liberty and free choice, I just can't see the justification. That whole myopic line of reasoning seems to ignore that marriage represents but one form of life partnership. Now why in the world should it only have legal validity if it is a conjugal relationship between two people of the opposite sex?”

Because of Pastor Bob’s counseling, I went ahead with the wedding. No, Kevin didn’t marry me. He married my gay brother, Roger; but not for the sex. Kevin married Roger to champion the cause of gay rights.

Of course, I love to fuck and suck my brother-in-law, Kevin. Afterwards, he always lights a cigarette and asks, “Was it good for you too, baby?” All I ever mostly do is nod in agreement because I usually have his cock in my mouth.

I have a twin sister, and my mother can pass for our triplet. Let me tell you, Kevin is a real happy slut puppy these days. Talk about “All in the Family.” And my mother’s brother, Uncle Joe, he gets in on the action on occasion. I mean, it all started with Uncle Joe. There’s nothing like fucking your uncle to demystify sex and cure virginity. Of course we are returning the favor and breaking in all our nephews.

On weeknights we are all just one big happy family. First we watch “The Texas Chain Massacre” and then we eat each other. We save the inbreeding for the weekends.

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