Goody Two-Shoes Ch. 07byKarennaC©
I hated filling out job applications. I'd lucked into my previous job without having to do an application; the owner of the convenience store where I'd worked had given me a break because he knew my next-door neighbor. But since my boyfriend had talked me into quitting that job a few days earlier, I had to find another job, and I didn't have anyone to call in favors from.
So Monday after my last class, I walked downtown and caught the bus out to the local mall. I could have gotten a ride from Jay if I'd asked, but I didn't want to make him stand around while I filled out the applications. Fortunately, since it was nearing holiday season, most of the stores in the mall were hiring, and by the time I left I'd filled out and left four or five applications, and had a stack more in hand.
I got onto the bus to go home and sank into a seat near the front. Then I heard someone toward the back call, "Hey, Sam!"
I turned around and saw Devin, a guy I'd gone to high school with. I got up and went to sit beside him. "How's it going?" I asked.
"Not as well as it is for you, apparently," he said.
"What are you talking about?"
"I heard you're dating Jay Christian. And it looks like you have a lot of fun with him."
"Looks like? Where have you seen us?" Jay had talked me into sex in his car a few days earlier, but I was pretty sure no one had seen us there, and he and I didn't often go out around town.
"You don't know, do you." Devin looked out the window, then back at me. "Um, it's kind of embarrassing to have to tell you this, but you're online. There's a site that has videos of people, well, you know, and there's a video of you and him on there."
He had to be joking. A video of Jay and me? I knew what kind of site he was talking about, of course; I was naïve, but not that naïve. Jay had filmed us fucking the last time I'd been at his place, but he'd promised me no one else would ever see it. How the hell had it ended up online?
Something in my eyes must have scared Devin, because he gulped and slid over closer to the window. "I don't usually watch that kind of stuff, but one of my college buddies was goofing around on the site one day," he said. "When I recognized you, I shut it off. I mean, I know you. I don't want to watch you... you know."
I didn't believe him for a second. He wasn't even trying to look me in the eye, and I knew enough about guys to have a pretty good idea that if he and his buddy had been watching porn, it would have been even more exciting to them to recognize someone. Ordinarily I would have been embarrassed as hell to be sitting beside someone who'd seen me fucking someone else, but fury overwhelmed embarrassment this time. "I'm not mad at you," I said. "I'm mad at the lying bastard who put that online in the first place."
"Well, yeah, you should be," Devin said quickly. "I mean, if you didn't know it was there, that's just wrong."
"Yes. Yes, it is." And I'd have a few choice words for Jay next time I talked to him. How dare he put our movie online for anyone to see? Didn't he have any respect for me at all? He'd said he loved me, but obviously that was total bullshit. If you loved someone, you didn't take a video of them fucking you and put it all over the Internet!
"I'm sorry," Devin said. "I wouldn't have mentioned it if I'd realized you didn't know about it."
"You shouldn't have mentioned it anyway," I snapped. "What kind of person tells someone they've seen that kind of video of them? What were you thinking, that I'd be so excited about you seeing it I'd give you a real-life show?"
"I thought you said you weren't mad at me."
"I lied." I pulled the buzzer for the next stop. "Thanks for the update. Enjoy jerking off to the porn you watch."
The bus stopped in front of a laundromat, and I got off. I wasn't sure exactly where I was, but I knew one thing: there was no way I was staying on that bus knowing that Devin had seen that video. Not to mention knowing that some of the passengers sitting near us had probably heard the conversation.
I took my cell phone out of my jacket pocket and scrolled through the few numbers I'd programmed into it. I couldn't call home for a ride; my parents didn't know yet that I had a cell. They'd refused to get me one, and when I'd been working I'd spent too much of my income on college texts, clothes, and saving up to get out of my parents' house. Jay had bought me the phone, and even though my parents knew now that I was seeing him, I wasn't sure how they'd react to knowing he'd given me a cell phone.
They hadn't reacted well to hearing that I was seeing Jay, for that matter; they thought that at twenty-six, he was too old for me, since I was only eighteen. They'd also heard too many negative things about him over the years, since Jay had been best friends with my brother Randy until they'd gotten into a fight in high school over a girl both of them had liked. Most of the bad things my parents had heard had come from Randy, but there had also been rumors around town for years that Jay was into drugs and other illegal or at least sketchy things. My parents, like most in our town, believed what they heard without taking the time to find out if it was true.
The only other numbers in my phone were Randy's and Jay's. Randy would have come to pick me up, but he would have wanted to know why I was upset, and I didn't want to give him yet another reason to hate Jay, especially since he'd gotten used to the idea that Jay and I were dating and actually sort of supported me in it.
So it would have to be Jay. Pretty ironic, when I thought about it; the reason I was stranded in a neighborhood I didn't know was the person who'd have to come rescue me from it. If I'd been closer to home, I would have decided to just walk. Since my parents had never allowed me to learn to drive, I was used to walking long distances. But I was tired from walking around the mall, and besides, Jay owed me. I pressed the button to dial his number.
He picked up on the first ring. "Hi, Sam. What's up?"
"I'm standing in front of the..." I looked at the Laundromat and read the name on the sign out loud. "I was on the bus, but I bailed. Come pick me up, please." Despite how pissed I was at him, I couldn't stop myself from adding the "please".
"Sure, no problem. Do you think you're okay there until I get there? That's a pretty skanky area."
I looked around. The buildings did look pretty seedy, but I didn't see anyone around, and there was a coffee shop a few hundred yards away that seemed to still be open. I'd probably be all right in there. "Yeah, I'm going to go have a cup of hot chocolate or something."
"Okay. I'll be there in a few minutes. Be careful."
He hung up, and I slipped my phone back into my pocket and walked over to the coffee shop. It was almost empty; an elderly man wearing a coat that looked at least twice my age was the only other customer. I went to the counter and ordered a cup of hot chocolate, which earned me a strange look along with a cup of some barely-identifiable brown liquid. "Dollar," the counter person muttered.
I handed him a dollar and sat down to wait for Jay. The counter man and the elderly man both kept looking at me, which made me uncomfortable. Feeling uncomfortable ticked me off. I wouldn't even be here if Jay hadn't put that video online. This was his fault, and he was going to hear about it when he showed up.
Finally, I saw his car through the front window. I left my cup, which was still more than half full since I hadn't been able to stomach much of the hot so-called chocolate, on the table and hurried outside. When I got into the car, Jay leaned over to give me a kiss, but I dodged him. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Did anyone hassle you while you were waiting?"
"No." I fastened my seat belt and leaned back. "I'm ready."
Jay gave me a long look, but I refused to look back at him. He put the car into drive and pulled away from the curb. "How'd you end up here, anyway?" he wanted to know. "This isn't the usual place for anyone to get off the bus."
"I wanted to get away from a fan."
"Fan? What are you talking about?"
"Someone who saw the video you swore no one else would ever see. You're a lying sack of shit, Jay, you know that?"
"Now wait just a minute! I came out here to get you; I didn't have to do that. You're thanking me by swearing at me?"
"I called you because there wasn't anyone else I could call, and because if it hadn't been for you putting that video online, I would have stayed on the bus. Someone who knew me from school saw it, Jay. Do you have any idea how I felt knowing that someone I knew saw me fucking you? You promised me no one else would ever see it!"
"I know." Jay rubbed his face. "Sam, all I can say is I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upload that video. I was uploading some others, and that one just ended up with them."
"I know it sounds that way, but it's true. I set it to upload several files, and I highlighted that one without meaning to. By the time I realized it, it was already uploading."
"So wait a minute," I said. "You were uploading other files. Other porn files? Videos of you with other women?"
"A couple of them were." Jay didn't hesitate; he knew I knew about his times with other women. So far, I hadn't let them bother me. "The others were videos I took of women and other guys. I have friends who ask me to film them from time to time."
That thought made my head spin, so I didn't bother responding to his statement. "So when you realized you'd uploaded our video, why didn't you delete it?"
"I don't know." Jay lowered his voice. "Because it turned me on to think that other people might see it. It turned me on to think of people watching me fuck such a sexy girl, knowing that they couldn't have you."
"They couldn't? When did we decide to be exclusive?"
I'd caught him there. Even though Jay had said he loved me, he'd so far refused to agree to stop seeing other women, though I knew he hadn't fucked anyone else lately. At least, he'd said he hadn't, though since he'd been dishonest about the video I wasn't sure I could trust him about anything else. "We didn't," he admitted. "But you keep saying you don't want to be with anyone else. If you want to, go for it. I certainly can't be jealous."
"This isn't about whether I'm going to fuck anyone else," I snapped. "This is about you putting a video online that you promised would be just between us, and someone I know seeing that video. If he saw it, who knows who else might have seen it and recognized me? I can't even look people in the eye now, because they might have seen me in online porn!" My tone was that of a hysterical bitch, but I didn't care. I had a right to be a hysterical bitch right then.
"Sam, it's pretty unlikely that many people have seen it," Jay said. "And if they have, they're the ones who are watching online porn. You don't have any more to be embarrassed about than they do."
"Is there a way to remove a video from that site once it's uploaded?"
"Yes. Do you want me to remove it?"
"Um, duh! And while you're at it, you can explain to me why you didn't bother telling me it was there."
"Because I knew you'd react like this. Seriously, Sam, I understand why you're upset, but it isn't a big deal. Sex isn't anything bad, and people like watching other people have sex. You didn't do anything wrong, and neither did I."
"Yes, you did. You lied to me."
Jay stared through the windshield without speaking for a few minutes. "You know," he said finally, "I know you're only eighteen, but you aren't really a kid anymore. You're sure acting like one, though. I didn't intend that video to end up online, so how did I lie?"
"Lying by omission. You didn't tell me about it being posted. If I'd known, I at least would have been prepared when the guy on the bus mentioned it. And you could have just deleted it in the first place." His reaction was pissing me off. How could he act like I was the problem here? This was his fault!
"Fine. I should have told you. And I guess I should have deleted it. I'm sorry, Sam." He reached for my hand, but I pulled it back. "All right, be ticked. I'm admitting I was wrong, Sam. I love you. I don't want this to mess things up with us. I won't take any more videos or pictures if you don't want me to; then you won't have to worry about where they might end up."
Being filmed had excited me, but that didn't mean I'd wanted to have it seen. I'd actually wanted to forget it had happened; it made me feel slutty to know that I'd had sex in front of a camera. Slutty in a bad way. I definitely hadn't planned on doing it again, even before this had happened, so Jay's promise didn't mean much. "Thanks for the thought," I said. "Too bad I wouldn't have let you film me again anyway."
"Okay, fine." Jay took a deep breath. "Sam, you're too angry to have a discussion about this. I'm trying to think of ways to make it better, and you're just sniping at me. Why don't we drop it for now and talk about it tomorrow, after you've had time to calm down a little?"
"You really think I'm going to calm down about this?"
"I hope you do, because otherwise we're going to have some problems. I want to keep seeing you, but if you're going to hold a grudge, it'll be kind of hard for us to be together."
He had a point. I bit my tongue to keep from saying I wasn't sure I wanted to see him anymore; that would have been a lie. I did want to keep seeing him. I just wasn't sure I could, given how dishonest he'd been. "I guess you're right," I said. "I'll sleep on it."
"And I'll delete the video from that site as soon as I get home. That'll be the end of it, okay?"
"Sure." But it wouldn't be, because as long as I knew he'd done this, I'd never be sure I could trust him.
We didn't say anything again till we got to my house. Usually I had Jay drop me at the nearest corner, but tonight I didn't think to tell him to, and he apparently figured it would be okay to leave me at the house. It didn't really matter; I'd had him drop me off at the corner to keep my parents from finding out about him, but since they knew now that I was dating him there was no reason to hide him from them. I didn't expect to see my father looking out the front window, though.
Jay tried to pull me to him for a kiss. This time, I allowed him a peck on the lips, but nothing more. "My dad's watching," I explained.
Jay looked toward the house and waved. Dad glared. "I get it," Jay said. "They know about me, though, right?"
"Good. Then they'll have to get used to the idea. But I won't push it now." He caressed my hand. "Have a good night's sleep, Sam, and call me tomorrow. Please. I want this to be okay between us."
"Yeah." I got out of the car and restrained myself from slamming the door.
* * *
When I woke up the next morning, I was calmer. That didn't mean I was any less angry with Jay, though. He'd lied to me and he'd betrayed my trust; how could he think I'd forgive him so quickly? I wasn't sure I'd be able to forgive him at all.
I went to my classes and managed to act like nothing was bothering me. When I got out of class, I automatically took my cell out of my pocket to call Jay, but stopped myself. I didn't want to talk to him. If I called, he'd think I wasn't angry anymore. If I didn't, he'd wonder what was going on. I decided to let him suffer.
In one of my classes, the instructor had assigned a paper. If I went home, I'd feel obligated to get to work on it, but I wasn't in the mood to work. So I headed across town to Jay's friend Tillie's house.
I wasn't completely sure what to think about Tillie. Jay fucked her on a regular basis, though he claimed he hadn't touched her since the day he'd first told me he loved me. Given recent events, I wasn't sure I could believe him about that, especially since Tillie was really into him. She'd been upset the last time Jay had taken me to her place because he'd turned her down for some "fun". At first, I'd thought she didn't like me, but then Jay and I had gone to her place and ended up in a threesome with her. Which had surprised the heck out of me, because I hadn't thought I had any interest in women until then.
I'd hooked up with Tillie once on my own, too, one time when Jay and I'd had a fight. I still didn't think of myself as bi, but I had to admit it had been interesting fucking another woman. Today I was going to Tillie's for sympathy and commiseration about what a jerk Jay had been, but I knew I wouldn't turn her down if she tried to hook up with me again.
When I got to Tillie's, she was in the middle of dying a woman's hair. "Hey, Sam," she greeted me. "Come on in. I'm almost done with Tasha."
"You're not even close to done," Tasha argued. "You're just putting in the dye."
"Who's the stylist here, me or you? I'll be putting you under the dryer for half an hour after I get the dye in, so I'll be done with you for that half hour and Sam and I'll be able to talk. Sam, have you met Tasha?"
The woman didn't look like any of the women I'd seen at Tillie's the other times I'd been there. "No, I don't think so."
"Ah, well, this is Tasha. Tasha, this is Sam. She's Jay's woman."
Tasha barked a laugh. "Jay's woman? That's a joke. Since when does Jay have a singular woman?"
"Since he met Sam, and shut up or I'll dye your eyes to match your hair. Sam, have a seat and we can talk in a few minutes."
I sat in one of the chairs that Tillie had by her window and watched her work on Tasha's hair. Finally, she led Tasha over to the hood dryer and sat her down. With the dryer on, Tasha was unlikely to be able to hear anything we said. Tillie sat beside me. "Where's your man?" she asked.
"Don't know, don't care." I swallowed, giving myself time to persuade myself I wasn't going to cry. "He lied to me, and right now I'm so pissed I don't care if I never see him again."
"Uh oh. What happened?"
I filled her in about the video, cringing inwardly because I didn't know what she'd think of me for fucking for the camera in the first place. She patted my thigh comfortingly as I spoke. "Nothing wrong with that," she said when I stopped talking. "Personally, I get off on playing for the camera. Jay's filmed me a few times, though only once with him."
"Yeah, but did he post the video online without telling you?"
"Hell no. I would have killed him if he'd done that. Is that what he did to you?"
I nodded. "He said it was an accident, that he was uploading several videos at once and added that one without realizing it, but then when he did realize it he left it up there. And someone I know from high school saw it and told me about it, which was probably the most embarrassing experience I've ever had."
"It's nothing to be embarrassed about, but I know what you mean." Tillie stroked my hair. "That's horrible, Sam. Did he at least have the courtesy to apologize?"
"Yeah, but I'm not sure I accept the apology. I'm not sure I can trust him again after that, Tillie. If he did something like this once, he could easily do it again."
"I don't think he would. He really cares about you." A tinge of jealousy colored her voice. "But it makes sense you'd worry about it. Do you want to hang around a while longer? Tasha will be leaving after I rinse her hair, and if you're up for it we could spend some time together after she goes."
Tillie's hand made its way from my hair to my breast, and though she pulled her hand away immediately as though it had been an accident, the touch left no question as to her meaning. And despite the anger and hurt that I felt, my body responded to her touch. "I'll stick around," I said.
While we waited for Tasha to be done under the dryer, Tillie and I chatted. I hadn't really gotten to know her very well; the times I'd been there before had been taken up either by Jay or by sex, or both. But now we talked about ourselves, our lives. She told me how she'd ended up in her line of work, which for a while had included services other than hair styling, and how she'd decided to scale back to only doing hair. I told her about how stifling my parents were and how little I knew about anything other than school and family. "We'll have to do something about that," she said. "You and I should hang out more often. Not even necessarily to do anything, but just so you have friends other than Jay, if you even decide to keep seeing him. You need a life, girl."